April Update & YSD
YSD18 hasn't been here but for once in early February this year.
DH is increasingly upset about it. I keep telling him to continue to ask her, leave her messages, etc. but don't stop. It's not like her really but I have to wonder, child support ended for him at the end of February....She is also really terrible at communications and human engagement which I also remind him of so it may actually not be a personal thing.
STILL I tell him, it's rude.
I encourage him to go to her. Seek her out. Set a date.
She's still not had her health issues resolved. Seen several doctors according to BM but nothing definitive. Not even sure what the doc appointments covered (I think there was a MRI) or if there was even a blood draw at all. BM says she's taking her vitamins, resting a lot. We know she's missing the start of school in the mornings.
I have to think still, if she's not had a blood draw, and sure, she could have a concussion, but nothing can be pinpointed. She's had odd "illnesses" before that are related to stress (college decisions? High school soon over? Reality crashing down?) before.
BM and DH are splitting the doc costs, and BM even told him it would be helpful if he took her to some appointments. Which I completely agreed with and told him so, that he could also talk with the doctors most likely too! DUH DH!
We'll see if DH takes action, if he lets it slide, if BM continues her passive-aggressive remarks, if YSD continues to shirk visits (she has bday $ sitting here for her), if she gets better (I truly hope so).
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Personal communication is
Personal communication is also not my SS's strong suit. Even with the people in his life that he cares deeply about. Neither his mom nor me let him off of the hook. We harrange him to text, call, visit, etc....
He claims memory problems. Not sure if that is legit or if it is deflection. It could be either, or both, based on his past behaviors.
Hopefully it is just laziness with a dash of rude and not an actual metabolic/medical problem.\
As for paying SD's medical costs after she aged out from under the support CO? Why? Particularly when SD is not making an effort to engage in a relationship with her father.
BM's stuff definately does not pass the smell test. "Take the baby to the doc" while being passive agressive in interfering in SD-18's and DH's relationship?
Softball does not work with toxic morons. Hardball and pain.... they understand. Go there. Hard. With both BM and SD.
IMHO.
As for paying SD's medical
Agreed....I have multiple conversations with my bio kid right now letting her know off the top "look here! After high school you are a grown adult (in training) and grown adults pay their own way. Now if I am able to, and you're respectful, then I can help out occasionally....but my financial assistance is OPTIONAL...we ain't under court orders and you ain't a dependent kid anymore"
Unless you live in those random states where CS continues to 21......These grown kids are not entitled to a dime after 18 or high school...especially if they're rude little snots doing nothing with their lives.
Is personal feel
If the kid wants nothing to do with you, that doesn't open the ATM It's there choice not to have a relationship, throwing money at ygem doesn't help, doesn't show love. It's in SD court.
DH is being nice of course. I
DH is being nice of course. I think it will bite him but we'll see. YSD cannot pay herself, no job as a high schooler of course (both SDs "job" was school so of course they have no clue).
DH mentioned that one of BMs accounts was not private and should he tell her he could see all her transactions? F TO THE NO DH, WHY WOULD YOU BE NICER TO HER. STOPPPPPP.
I think the co-pays for docs are not much from what I gather, I'm ok with it. He's always been open with me about $$ he fronts for them. I have no reason to believe he'll go off the money deep end with them...watch this space to see if I'm wrong but my gut has been pretty accurate over the years.
One Cent to BM beyond CS or
One Cent to BM beyond CS or otherwise COd support is off the deep end IMHO. Copays, if COd, go straight to the medical practice.
Once the Skid ages out from under the CO. Not even CS goes to BM. Not one Cent. All interface with BM should end and all contact goes directley between DH and his kid.
The X is an X for a reason. The X needs to live that point front and center, and so does the Skid. No need for nasty. Just direct and to the point.
On the rare occassion where Xs can be truly easy going with each other... even then... no money. Also, no interface between Xs that does not pass the smell test of either or both X's new partners.
Weddings, graduations. That is it for joint events.
KISS.
IMHO.
I think I'll be making this
I think I'll be making this argument once she's out of high school. Still three months left of it!
I know he had access to the medical invoices so he knows what the split was!