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...continuation 4

Cover1W's picture

....lots always going on!

 

So DH continued his 2x per week therapy appointments. This week was his last of 2x per week intensives with his specialist. He transistions next week to 1x per week, with a group therapy every other week. He will meet with his long-standing therapist (not the specialist) 1-2x per month. We also meet with a couples counselor 1x per week. It's a lot, and he does admit to it being tiring, BUT he's also doing really well. He's working through alot, and can now talk with me about things he's hidden away for a long time. I still have questions for him, and concerns, and we are able to discuss those. In addition, we are working with the couples counselor on communication, working through the damage he's done over the past several years (and he 100% admits this) and how to move forward. Slowly, very slowly. I am feeling more confident in him but he knows that he's got to prove it over the long term and one backside will end it all.

We have gone on a couple "dates" recently and are going out for our anniversary dinner this weekend. He's been very good at keeping things at my pace, and admits he's in no rush because he doesn't want to ruin things. We are still living "separated" but are coming together more often for dinner and fun things. I actually may need to unpack one of my kitchen boxes because I need some of my kitchen things to cook/bake. But just one box.

My old 18.5 yo kitty is still with us, but he's starting to decline faster. He's having side effect reactions to a drug he's on and we decided to pull him off that. The vet is amazed he's still here, as we all are. He looks his age now, is a bit more toddery, but seems happy (and hopefully more so without the drug) still. He's not eating much so I suspect one day he's just going to get too thin and weak - which could be days/only a week or so at this point. 

YSD18 has been communicating with DH regularly since she started college. Frankly we are both suprised. It doesn's sound like she's "answer-shopping" between he and BM. She was texting him over the past weekend and asked him "What are college students supposed to do on the weekend?" LOL. I told DH it sounds like she's isolating again, not meeting people. We knew this would be a problem. He's going to call her this weekend and specifically ask about making friends, putting herself out there. She also stated that it was 10:15 on Monday and her room-mate wasn't back yet, on a weeknight!  She was surprised. Again, we were like, well, sounds like the roomie is socializing and ditched YSD. She's now having some very basic computer problems, all related to her avoiding learning how to deal with it when she was in high school (she avoided computers like the plague) - like how to keep the battery charged, how to synch devices and bluetooth, etc. We'll see how she's doing this weekend.

Comments

Rags's picture

Wow.  College socializing is kind of like walking and breathing. Just go and see what unfolds.

Interestingly, 10+ years after I first started my college career I met the wife of a colleague who was at the same university when I was there.  We were Freshman together.  She was much like your SD. She was entirely unprepared for the whole experience.  Her roommate had visitors quite frequently.  She expected it to be something of a girls church camp.  Not the very 24/7 active experience it was in the early 80s at the end of the sexual revolution just before the advent of aids when a a quick stop of the student health center for a shot in the rump would take care of any unwanted dating delivered visitors other than Herpes.

She left after the first semester and went home to her very sheltered family.

She met my colleage, who graduated from the same engineering program I did, though several years before I did a number of years after our Freshman year at University when her family hosted him for a holiday dinner through the university/community programs.

She is a wonderful person, loving, friendly, and entirely naive.  She has been an agorophobic for well over 10 years.  My brother and I visited them a few years ago.  That was eerie as can be.

Very sad. They could not have kids for a very long time. They ended up having a son. That kid is massive.  She insisted on very traditional living and raising of her kid.  He never went in a stroller. He was in a carriage. Complete with spoked wheels, lacey shade covers, etc...  She did all of the housework, yard work, etc... She believed that if her child was not asleep she had to hold him.  When she mowed the yard, she had a very large toddler (at least 50Lbs) strapped to her back.

I hope your SD can find balance and engage in the university experience to a level that she can thrive and succeed.

Our friend certainly has not.  It is sad to see when it does not work out.  She retreated from real life after her very short apparently very personally traumatic experience at University. She was so overwhelmed by the assault that University was to her personal sheltered experience and how it was so counter to her pre University life that she retrenched so deeply she never really engaged in the world.  My experience was the exact opposite.

  

 

MorningMia's picture

This all sounds like a process! 
It's so hard when our fur babies grow old, even though that is exactly what we want them to do! 
Hopefully, SD will be forced to come out of her shell.

  Best of luck with all that is going on. I kind of giggled over you unpacking just one kitchen box. "just one."