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OT - Mistakenly told my mom about my unknown “employment” status and now I regret it

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Wed, 03/13/2024 - 9:55pm

Before I realized I did NOT want to tell this to people who would most likely judge me ... I told my mom thinking she may have good advice

WRONG!!!

She immediately starts freaking out "OMG how are you going to get by" and all other fear-mongering bs

I feel like that job was just a stepping stone for what is next not the place I was supposed to retire (unless they were promoting me and paying me accordingly) 

While I am grateful for opportunities that have come my way, I will never be beholden to an employer to the point it costs me my soul (which many people are stuck in jobs they hate, check to check, and barely thriving)

I also have been self employed and am more than capable of earning income to keep things afloat and without needing these sociopathic employers

So I'm trying not to be annoyed af with her less than supportive opinions but I'm probably going to have to put her on mute for a while. 

Comments

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Wed, 03/13/2024 - 10:09pm

I also feel like my mom has this mentality "well I worked a job for 30+ years gave my life to an employer, I'm fine [she's not she was always in debt check to check and miserable] and so you should work a job and slave for these employers too!"

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Wed, 03/13/2024 - 10:44pm

I was listening to something today that talked about having an abundance attitude vs a scarcity attitude to money. You know that you can make more money in other ways than with this employer so are not afraid of moving on to self employment or another employer. Your mother sounds like she lived in a world where money was scarce and she kept on at the job she hated as she didn't think she could do better elsewhere. 

Also - I hate divulging personal information to my mother, she is very judgmental and always tells me what I should be doing. So I sympathize that it can be tough not to have an empathetic mother to turn to. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 9:04am

Also, the world has changed. My father also stayed with and retired from one company. There is much less loyalty between employers and employees these days. 

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 9:18am

Right! 
 

Pensions gone most companies and loyalty is almost out the window. 
 

Also the golden ticket used to be a college degree but now experience and networking are just as solid 

Plus they didn't  have the Internet back then where money can now be earned online using a variety of methods (trading stocks online, setting up online payments for services/goods, working from home, etc) 

Freelancing and gig work are easily accessible nowadays  

And worst case scenario liquidating can all be done online 

I see a lot of opportunity that we now have today to earn income that were not available or easily accessible during my moms working days 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 2:44pm

After the early 00 semiconductor industry bubble implosion, I learned that I will be as loyal as my financial positon and opportunities warrant.   Companies are not loyal to people. They are loyal to owners.  

As a capitalist/entrepreneur myself, I get that. Though being on the receiving end of a business driven action is never pleasant.

My career has been driven by cyclical industry influences.  In hind sight, there is something to be said for stability. Though for my temperment, give me the change centric dynamic cycle of change over time in lieu of the time to make the donuts every time.

My interview two weeks ago for the role I am now in was with the COO/CFO. They asked what I would change about my career specifically referencing a company I worked for early in my career for 8yrs.  My answer was that while it was a great opportunity at the time and had I remained there for another 15 years, I would not have the breadth of experience that I have nor would I likely have enjoyed that career as much as I have the career I have experienced.

I got the job.  Whether this is a 2yr duration or the 5-8yrs I hope it is, remains to be seen.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 9:20am

Absolutely.. and especially for women.. options I think have opened up dramatically from when I entered the workforce in the early 80's.. and even more dramatically than when my mother entered the workforce in the 60's!

And that has become a 2 way street too... workers are much quicker to jump ship to transition to other companies because otherwise their wages tend to stagnate 

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 10:16am

Absolutely.. and especially for women.. options I think have opened up dramatically

EXACTLY!

 

My mom used to be a stay at home mom but she divorced my dad when me and my brother were elementary school aged all because she claims ..... there wasn't enough money and my dad was totally against her working outside of the home 

I'm thinking to myself like dude you could have just set up a camera and tripod and set up a youtube chanel and monetized it so that way you could have made money from home and kept your marriage intact 

Then I realized .... IF only the internet (and online marketplaces) were available back then 

So I am super thankful for what I do have at my disposal to enhance my quality of life for myself and those around me

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 10:30am

Do people really make meaningful income with you tube channels?  I kind of feel that generally. .there are a very small subset of people capable of monetizing their content to a point where they are actually "earning a supportive living"  Because I was entering the work world when the internet was just not a thing.. and these options weren't there.. I of course couldn't have used that as an option.

But.. I also see people doing a lot of social media and other content.. and think about the fact that in many cases.. they are so exposing themselves and their lives to the general public.. and even if they can make "some" money.. the lack of privacy would be a huge turnoff for me... in the grand scheme of things.. it isn't "that" much money.

I also understand there are other avenues.. like selling on amazon.. selling on sites like EBAY.. but again.. the people who truly make enough to live on have to be either extremely lucky.. incredibly hard working (you are your own toxic boss haha). or struggling to compete with the super saturated market of people that want to try to do the same thing.

I think there are definitely ways to kind of "gig" yourself to enoug money to subsist on.. but in the end.. it' isn't less work imho.. and you still have negatives.. like toxic customers of your product (viewers).. and less protection really since at least a company has to abide by work regulations.

I guess it does give you flexibility to work around a schedule that works best for you.. and if you have your needs met. you can work as much or as little as you like..

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 9:28pm

Do people really make meaningful income with you tube channels?  I kind of feel that generally. .there are a very small subset of people capable of monetizing their content to a point where they are actually "earning a supportive living" 

I think it depends as there are many ways to monetize social media and business acumen plus work ethic varies amongst each individual . 

I also see people doing a lot of social media and other content.. and think about the fact that in many cases.. they are so exposing themselves and their lives to the general public.. and even if they can make "some" money.. the lack of privacy would be a huge turnoff for me... in the grand scheme of things.. it isn't "that" much money.

Youre absolutely right about this .... .

Although I'm sure there are workarounds to protect privacy while using social media to boost income

I think there are definitely ways to kind of "gig" yourself to enoug money to subsist on.. but in the end.. it' isn't less work imho.. and you still have negatives.. like toxic customers of your product (viewers).. and less protection really since at least a company has to abide by work regulations.

But overall youre right ESMOD - working independently does have it's challenges and it is not for everyone

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 2:48pm

Making a move to another company mid career can significantly increase income.  Returning to the first company a few years after that can invoke a significant advancement in role and money again.   The firms I have worked for the longest proved this.  I had peers who started at the same time I did, left after a few years, then returned making a whole lot more than those of us who stayed and often they returned to more Sr. roles.  Change does not bother me.  Not having a view of what is coming, that is another story.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 03/13/2024 - 11:27pm

My ILs are the "why me" clan.  Every one of them.  This has a nearly completely unfounded superiority complex that rides on it for all of them.

My DW does not have the superiority complex, though iin her it would be the only instance in the clan where it would be justified .  She does have a decent dose of her families "why me" tendencies.  I have a notable "shit happens" perspective and as my dad is so fond fo telling me, a well developed over confidence.

So, while I might have a few hours of "Shit!" when a job ends, I do not wallow in it and I do not go to the "why me" headspace, and I do not consider myself to be a victim of "the man" as my IL clan invariably defaults to.

They all work for "idiots" that they are far more intelligent than and they know the bosses job better than the boss.

My MIL is very supportive and comforting.

I am sorry that your mom is not able to give you the comfort she should.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy your down time as your opportunities unfold.

Give rose

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 8:59am

I am sure your mother didn't mean to add to your level of stress.. and that the reality is that she loves you and is worried because from her perspective.. losing a job is not an easy thing to weather.. and that having a gap in income is a challenge.

Unfortunately.. years ago when she was in the work force.. there may not have been as many opportunities.. so she likely felt lucky to have the opportunity she did.  Employers and Employees may have had longer term connections too.. sometimes with the end game of pension to incentivise them to stay on long term.  

Also, the paycheck to paycheck struggle for many isn't so much caused by EARNING.. it's by SPENDING.. it's why people remain in debt and struggling despite increases in pay and grade.  If you are capable of living well within your means and saving?  You aren't at the same risk there.. but since she lived to the max of her earnings (when women likely did earn less than men in many jobs).. she sees a missing paycheck as potentially catastrophic.

I also would try to be kind to her mentally because her options were what they were and that is where her concern comes from.  The fact is she stayed in a job that may have been less than perfect because she had financial obligations (including raising you).. and she didn't have the luxury or opportunity to be as concerned about how fulfilling the job was.

I guess it's a different mind set now.. and I'm not sure how people reconcile the reality of "bills gotta get paid. we have to eat.. pay for our car.. our housing etc.. " with "I only want to do a job that is personally fulfilling.. because I don't want to work my whole life and just end up with nothing.  Because.. sure there are some entrepreneurs that strike out and start a business that provides them a lush future, but MOST don't.  Most have to take those "work for other" jobs to make ends meet.  That's what the vast majority of us are facing... we will work for someone our whole lives.. and it will provide us the financial backing to survive.. to not be homeless.. take the odd vacation.. to feed our kids etc.. and in the end? we may not end up with a ton in the bank.. we worked to live.. just like our ancestors would basically work to survive.. hunt.. gather  etc.. the concept of discretionary income and leisure time is a fairly recent thing for the masses TBH.  

But.. that doesn't mean we have to suffer abuse at a job.  We can choose to work at a place that provides us at least an interesting role.. (and we have to develop skills for the better jobs).. we can choose to find a different employer when we are working for toxic people.  But.. work is work... and it's not going to necessarily provide us the same "fun factor" as going to the beach on vacation... haha.  

I love my job, It's interesting and I work with great people... but if I had a gazillion dollars?  I would not do it because.. why would I have to deal with all the typical annoyances of the workplace.. the boring stuff that fills the cracks of your day?  The corporate mandates.. etc.. etc..    But I also know that the odds of me going out on my own and making a gazillion dollars.. or more than my salary is slim to none.. so I happily do my job.. and it's fulfilling.. in the realm of work.. 

Anyway,  I would probably tell your mom you will be fine.. you have savings.. you can quickly start earning money on your own, you aren't concerned at all.. and you appreciate her concern.. but you will be fine.. even though you are not a fan of how this company has operated.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 9:54am

The manager of the company, could not run it to make a profit.  Why do you expect they will manager there employees any different. They fail at running this company...they failed there employees..  This company fairer has nothing to do with you,   There are a lot of jobs out there.  Even if you take a job at Walmart for money as you look for a real job.  

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 10:18am

The manager of the company, could not run it to make a profit.  Why do you expect they will manager there employees any different. They fail at running this company...they failed there employees.. 

Yeah I saw on a forum that their stock was tanking....then I realized I may make some money shorting the stock LOL!!!

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 03/14/2024 - 7:41pm

Certainly...I'm researching and testing it first. 
 

Rule number one for me is never invest money that would hurt my stomach if I lost it.