I can't find anyone else who understands what I'm dealing with so I am hoping people in this forum might. I don't know if this is the right forum, but I chose it because the SS is the way he is because of his mentally unfit BM and how my husband plays into this whole cycle of maladaptivity because he enables the shit out of them both and always has. 

My SS is 17 and raised by a BM who is not only a diagnosed schizophrenic with paranoid delusions who refuses treatment, but she's also highly narcissistic in ways too great to describe but she's raised her son and her adult daughter my husband adopted also who is also too much to get into right now to basically believe they are the most special, most important people in the world, that they are superior to all other people and they are always the most important people in the room, entitled to all the attention and for everything to revolve around them. 

The boy is covert, but it is clear that he isn't operating on the same wavelength as non-Cluster B-type people. And I've been a teacher for 14 years and I've never before this sitation encountered a kid with whom I couldn't develop rapport and a relationship, nor any kid I've ever felt genuine dislike for... until him. 

He's very quiet and covert in these traits, but from the moment he arrives until he leaves, he will not so much as speak even a hello or goodbye to me or my 11 and 13 year old daughters. He will be here for days, and unless prompted, will behave as if we aren't even here, or we don't even exist. 

The only person he interacts with is his dad, my husband, and this is taken to an extreme obsession for absorbing every second of his attention focused only on him from the time he wakes until the time they go to bed. All weekend during waking hours, he demands that his dad sit on the couch next to him, for hours upon hours playing video games, with his dad's undivided attention. Even with young children I've worked with, I've never even seen this extreme of this behavior. Even with young children who are by their very nature very needy for attention, they seek attention, they get attention, but after a time, there's a natural flow where they go play alone or with other children for a while before coming back for more. This situation with the boy who is 17 is so intense that he absorbs and consumes all of his dad's attention the entire time they are awake, without a break. 

If I have to ask my husband a question, the boy will immediately raise his voice and talk over me, crying out, Dad! Dad! to try to get his attention back and acting as if we're not conversing, like I'm not there. Even if my husband reprimands him, he will pause and start up again. It often takes several times of this before the boy goes into a pouting, sulking silence and looks pissed off and slighted. If I'm to talk to my husband, we have to go outdoors. Even then, the boy will often rush to the door and keep talking. 

During times when my husband has to get up and come talk to me, the boy will whine and protest and when he doesn't get his way, he will literally lay down on the couch and look like his heart is broken, he's devastated, and curl up like a baby on the verge of tears, like he literally wilts if he is deprived of a moment of attention. 

My husband was an enabler of his ex, and he enables his son and if I have tried to talk about this being abnormal and concerning, how this makes me feel like an intruder in my own home in the way he absolutely takes over and demands all of life stop and everything be focused on him, he tells me I'm the one with the problem, how sensitive the boy is, all this pity for him and all these excuses. So they play video games, loud, obnoxious video games, from waking until sleeping and they are shouting and roaring as they play and I don't have one moment of silence. I teach from home, I supervise my own children's virtual education during the week, I am responsible for all of the housework, I'm trying to write a novel and prepare for a PhD program and I'm overworked and exhausted and every single weekend this whole scenario happens and it sucks the life out of me. And given that I have a sensory processing disorder, it is even worse to have to put on noise cancelling headphones and turn on white noise--more noise to cancel their noise--and it makes me feel insane. 

His selfish BM who has no job and remarried a rich man decides on random whims to just go on vacation for a week and leaves him here like childcare. I say this because the way this boy is wired, he has no ability or for that matter, desire to be part of a family that lives in our home but is here to visit, suck up all his dad's energy and dominate the entire household with his persistent need and ignoring everyone else as if we don't exist and blasting noise 24/7... this isn't where he lives. This is where he feeds. 

I've had to battle with my husband and set boundaries that he agrees to but then ignores and I bring it up again and we fight and he always defends his son. He's here this week and I'm already struggling with being ovrwhelmed with work and not being in great health and I'm just frustrated and angry. 

DH is such an enabler that he feeds into the way his son is to the point that he takes further measures to cut me out. He will never allow me to pick the boy up from school or take him when this is needed, always calling his grandfather to do this. When he plans outings for things to do with his son, my daughters and I are always cut out and he only focuses on him. He enables this behavior further like this by making sure to double-down with it... like it's not only perfectly acceptable to obsessively suck up all the attention and focus in the home, to literally ignore me and my daughters as if we don't even exist, he's gonna do the boy one better and make sure that he doesn't even have to interact with me or them by making sure someone else takes him or gets him from school, making sure that me and my girls are never included on any family outing. His mother raised this boy to believe he is on a pedestal and superior to everyone, and my husband keeps on enabling it. 

There is nothing i can do about any of this, other than feel selfish and angry for disliking him and having no idea, despite my years as a professional working with children, what to do in this situation. 

I mean he is so obsessed with his dad and so intent on pretending that I don't exist that today he was out of school and he literally stayed in his room until his dad got home from work around 3 pm, not even coming out to make his own food or even God forbid asking me if I'd heat something up for him. The moment his dad hit the door, he burst out of his room, scrambled downstairs crying, Dad! Dad! and began to whine about how he was STARVING because he had nothing to eat all day. I mean... what the actual fuck? 

I don't know what to do. His BM is batshit and Cluster B entitled and she's passed this onto his son and his dad just enables it.

I swear, the way I feel when the kid is over here... I wish we had the money for me to rent my own apartment that I would absolutely leave here and take my girls and go to any time he's here.