We were invited to Tday dinner when my OSD wanted to host at her home.. using the "i have kids card".. BM was also invited.. we went to FL for the week.. lol.

"The Last Christmas" was one I hosted. We included all the in-laws, OSD and her blended family of eight, and even BM1 and her DH because I was a dumb doormat back then. 25 - 30 people.

It was tradition that adults drew names for the adult gift exchange ($50 limit) and all got gifts for the kids. We'd drawn names the month prior, and most of us asked for a donation to our favorite charity to keep it simple. This did not please narc OSD, as she is her favorite charity. DH and I had drawn her and her H Bubba, so we got them cash gift cards instead.

So I decorated and planned and cleaned and shopped and wrapped and shopped some more and cooked and expended all the emotional labor that we SMs often do. In true doormat fashion, I had everyone's favorite wines, beer etc and had set up a huge buffet in the dining room. Guests were asked to bring a dish. 

Then the shenanigans began. BM didn't bring food, but did bring a gift for DH. Nothing for me, the hostess of course. Druggie SIL and her daughter arrived 2 hours late, no side dish. OSD and her voracious blended brood were punctual, contributing only a single bag of chips and six pack of soda, and immediately decimated the buffet. Four of the six were teen boys, and they could EAT. I had to start cooking again. Then during the gift exchange, OSD and Bubba gave us ... nothing. She was nervous though, and I immediately knew what was going on. You see, the charities we'd chosen offer the option to either print a certificate the donor can pop in an envelope or to mail a card to the individual the donation was made in honor of. The prompts are simple and clear, so If OSD had actually made a donation, she would have known this. Instead, she thought she could just pretend she'd done it and no one would know.

I looked at my DH; he just shrugged, so I didn't say anything. I was such a wimp back then. But I looked around my home, at everyone enjoying the fruits of my labor and our money, the gskids and step gskids plowing through all the presents we'd spent a couple grand on, and experienced a shift. The scales had already been falling from my eyes concerning OSD, and I knew I was done eating sh!t sandwiches so these damaged people could play Happy Family. 

By the following September, I'd found StepTalk and was disengaged from OSD. A year after that, I disengaged from the SILs. And that gift BM gave my DH? It was a small throw blanket. He folded it up and used it as a posterior cushion for a while, which gave us a good laugh, and then we burned it. Thanks BM, you ignorant, disordered shrew.

My SO's sister is visiting from overseas. She is SD's only aunt. SD lives a distance away from us. Auntie asked if it might be possible to do a video call with SD, to say hello and to see SD's pack of kids. 

Auntie has not spoken to, nor seen, SD in years so in auntie's mind this was a chance to connect with her niece, and to say hello and talk with SD's kids.  A day and a specific time was arranged for the call. This was based on SD's schedule and was her selection. Double-checked the night before and all systems were go.

Auntie is excited because she knew this would be her only chance to see SD and kids on video, and auntie is due to leave for home immediately after the call. 

The appointed time comes and no call from SD.  Wait a half an hour still no call.  My SO tries calling SD.  No answer.  Auntie must leave for airport soon so there is some consternation as to what to do. After 45 minutes, SD finally calls. She is sullen, unapologetic, is obviously annoyed, and has zero interest in the whole thing. 

Auntie remains excited and positive, and bravely tries to engage SD in conversation, asks all the "right" questions, inquires about SD, her husband, her work, the kids, etc. SD answers each question with monosyllabics - yes, no, ok. Doesn't ask auntie how she is, how her cousins are, how cousins' kids are. Absolutely no interest.  

Of course, my SO sits alongside his sister and is a witness to this. I haven't been privvy to their conversation after this, but I sure wish I could be a fly on that wall. I can only imagine what his sister is thinking.

If anything, this situation has been the epoxy needed to firmly cement the fact that there is NOTHING that I could have done or not done to develop a relationship with SD. She was a self-absorbed little b!tch when I first met her as a teen, and she's grown into a big self-absorbed b!tch as an adult.  Her attitude towards her aunt solidifies that fact. 

SD has a "tradition" of choosing Christmas gifts for everyone. She and DH have spent hours deciding who should receive what, who should give what to whom. She generally chooses thoughtful gifts, and that includes for me too. 

So what's the problem, you ask? It was reindeer games that no one else could play. With no budget. When I made a suggestion, DH's response was "I have to ask SD."  When I discussed budget, he wasn't sure what SD had in mind.

This irritated me more and more every year as it was just another way to exclude me (while spending my money). So I engaged with DH. Came up with lots of suggestions, made dates with him for in-person and online shopping. He was clearly uncomfortable and I was "overstepping."  How is my participating in the selection of a gift that I am giving and paying for overstepping? It was all about the SD show, the over-the-top accolades she received, and the exclusive interaction with DH, her lapdog.

A few years ago I suggested that we get tickets to a concert for Auntie. DH said she wouldn't like that. I disagreed with him but we moved on. A few weeks later he announced SD's brilliant,clever, and most thoughtful idea of giving Auntie concert tickets.

I swear my head spun around.

This year SD isn't speaking to DH over some unknown sin he committed two years ago. My life is peaceful. 

Granted we enjoyed cooking. And enjoyed using the Christmas dishes .  SD used the GK card to take over Christmas dinner. By the second year she was catering the food.  To beg the question,  why do dinner, when you don't want to cook.  Cater it then cry about being broke 

Last Christmas, a few weeks before, Feral Forger SD24 called my phone demanding to speak to her father, saying he wasnt answering her calls or texts.

When I insisted that she tell me the reason for her call, as it was my phone she called, she told me she needs to have "her old room back" for a month. That she has full rights to it because its her dads house and shes his child.

I responded with 'well, firstly its both our home as we each pay equally, and my name is also on the deed and mortgage. So its my home as well, and you have said horrible things to me, called me horrible names, and you continue to hate me, so I dont see how that would work out..."

Click went the phone.

All of my Holiday Horror Stories were from when they were teenagers. They were AWFUL. We ignore each other and stay clear now. It's nice. 

It's hard to pick just one holiday. Last year was a doozy. SD's arrived for a week but OSD ended up staying 3 weeks because she found out her long distance boyfriend, that she was supposed to be spending 2 weeks with, was cheating on her. LOL, I know it's not nice to laugh but who the hell thinks that a 26 y/o young adult male that you barely know and met 1 time is going to remain faithful and true for months on end from 2000+ miles away? SD26 is too pissy to have a real relationship so she had a pretend long-distance one and then was so shocked that it didn't work out. Oh the drama, she cried and made the visit all about her and what a victim she was. Cold-hearted SM didn't have any sh*ts left to give. If it's not one drama it's another.

I am a conscientious person when it comes to health, vaccinated - all that, but SD's made a dramatic virtue signaling display about Covid. No mask at BM's but they would mask up and make a display of how DH and I are not their primary family. I remember one Christmas it was pouring rain, freezing cold, SD's show up in our front entryway, all masked crying in the rain. (About what I have no idea. I let DH go out and talk to them and never asked him what their problem was.) Eventually, likely with a lot of coaxing and begging from DH, they came into the house and sat as far away from me and my BK's as they could. It's like really??? If you are SOOO afraid of us giving you Covid then why are you even here? Oh, I know, you THRIVE on drama.

Another year at Thanksgiving while we were all seated at Thanksgiving dinner, OSD called her auntie (who put her on speaker phone) to cry about how she "wasn't invited" and how much she "misses seeing everyone." The truth is DH BEGGED her to come to Thanksgiving. She flat out refused as a way to punish DH because he would not allow princessa diabla to dictate excluding me from family events. She really believed that she had the right to be in charge of us. Sdiabla has no shortage of byatchy audacity.