The Low Bar
Ss24 is currently on leave for work and is due to return mid December. He apparently didn’t set up his paperwork in advance so he reached out last month to ask me to borrow a couple of hundred dollars while he waited for his leave checks to be approved.
To me, that would have meant 200 but I sent him 300. Mind you, I had lent him my vehicle during the summer and he accrued many tickets, and paid them all except for 2, which totaled 180. He said he paid for them but knowing him, he just didn’t have the money and didn’t pay.
Some of you may be wondering why I loaned him the money. In short, I figured he wouldn’t be able to pay it back immediately and would avoid calling me. 300 is a small price to pay for that. Plus, he’s never had an issue paying back, it’s more an issue of managing his finances that’s his problem. And also not knowing how to do life.
He never updated his address to his current one, so his leave check was sent to the house (then forwarded to my apartment).
DH has been checking the mail daily for this check and is planning to take it to him today. He also said he wanted to spend time with the baby. He made a comment that he knows SS hasn’t been getting paid and DH doesn’t know how, but SS has been able to figure it out and not ask us for anything.
I reminded DH that SS had borrowed money, from the both of us, and he never really reached out afterwards to me. He did to DH because he knows he can just send a cute baby pic and distract DH. I also reminded DH that SS24 shouldn’t have needed to ask us for anything, him and gf had 9 months to save, and they both made pretty good money. He’s 24, she’s 25, I’m sorry but they aren’t small children. I was on my own at 23 with no financial support from my parents and I worked a menial job. DH was married and already had his first (ss24) by 23 and he’s always mentioned how proud he is that he’s never had to ask anyone to borrow money for bills.
I’m not sure why he sets the bar so low. He fails to mention that ss24 continues to receive that weekly letter from the bank that confirms he keeps overdrawing. And he wondered how SS is still able to function. Either 1, something illegal, or 2, maybe they don’t need it!
There’s a program called WIC that gives food for all women and children under 5. They live in a tenement building, so their rent cannot be more than 300 dollars. And also, there is no light bill when you live in the projects. The truth is, they should have been okay. They should have been more than okay, SS shouldn’t have had to borrow money less than a month after the baby was born. He alone made about 800 weekly after taxes so they should have been more than fine.
But again, that was ALWAYS my issue with ss24, his inability to save. He moved out because we had to essentially push him out because he just wouldn’t save until we started force saving for him (demanding 500 a week), and within a month of that he requested his money back (we told him that was his apartment money and if he wanted it he would have to move out) and he moved in with his gf.
Ss24 is now someone’s father. To not plan for your kid’s arrival, to already be broke less than a month after your kid is born…is not good parenting. Especially when he has the means to have avoided it (and every chance I got u reminded him to save). Yet all DH can see is…”he made it without being paid for a month”, and “I’m glad he hasn’t asked us for anything recently”. Dude, it’s only been 2 months that your grandkid is born. Wait and see.
How many of you have partners who set such low bars on their kids?
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Comments
If you stop giving SS 24
Your car. And let him borrow money from you. As just say NO. That will solve your problem.. Then SS24 problems are SS24 problems. Not yours. Then you don't have to worry about how they are going to live. They are adults he will figure it out. One way or another
the point
For me, the point is that SS24 makes it for 1 month without asking us for money, and DH is acting like this is some great achievement. No, it is not.
Breeders of toxic spawn struggle with self delusion.
Don't let daddy polish the turd that his 24yo POS is. Even a shiny polished turd, is a POS.
One month of not begging for money is far better than zero months. But in the relative scheme of things, it is inconsequention and is far from adequate. If he was 34 and had not asked for a Cent or a ride for 10yrs, then it is worthy of positive commment. Though even at 10yrs zero tolerance must remain in effect.
It is rare that a turd turns into a diamond. No matter how much it is polished.
Be cautious.
Take care of you.
At first I was thinking why
At first I was thinking why give a grown man money but then I realized you're sort of paying for peace of mind for him to get out of your hair for a while.
My first reaction if I were you would be like "you need $300? You a grown ass man asking a woman for money?!? Well here's the classified so see who is hiring where you can pick up some extra shifts"
I hope your husband paid you back for bailing out his son. They both should be embarrassed as a men for asking women to provide for adult men
This generation of men....the bar is set really low
Bingo
Yes, DH paid me back for his son. He told me he would rather his son owe him than me. Probably because DH won't probably mention it again, because I'm sure he would feel guilty seeing that SS24 is a new father. I'm sure that he won't ask SS24 to pay him back. He has yet to take him off the phone bill (and that's only 40 bucks a month).
The low bar
My DH has a low bar for SD62, too. I've written reams about her highlightin the lying, thieving, inconsideration, etc. She's currently out on bail for a felony. The other 4 kids and I have given DH clarity about her so he can shield himself from her requests, but
"She's such a good grandma" (so good that one daughter is threatening to withhold her kids)
"She keeps her car so clean" (true)
"She's done so much for me" (yes, in the past when she was healthier but how about last year when we were stranded on the side of a highway and she never picked up)
"If I'm ever sick, she'll do anything for me" (my greatest fear after his recent illness when she badgered me to get him covid-tested and threatened to come over and take him If I wouldn't).
These DHs are desperate to find something positive to say. Underneath, they know. Its a defensive thing.
"She keeps her car so clean."
"She keeps her car so clean." Lol that one takes the cake!
Also....
"She's such an animal lover" (True except she has to beg him for money for cat food)
"Shes just so sensitive" (Yes, sensitive to any perceived slight, not so sensitive to her effect on others)
"She'd do anything for me" (True especially around the time your check arrives. The phone calls drop off sharply afterwards).
I could go on for ages, Rumplestiltskin, but you get the idea.
(No subject)
^^^
"she keeps her car clean"
that was definitely a low bar!
Guilt is one helluva drug,
Guilt is one helluva drug, isnt it? My DH has many faults, but one good thing that came out of growing up watching his father spoil his sisters is that he doesn't buy into the guilt. He has daughters, not princesses, thank Dog.
Unfortunately, his low bar was reserved for the women he chose to breed with.
Unfortunately, his low bar
Same with this dude.
I saw a pic of her and wanted to barf. If I was a dude I wouldn't give that hag the time of day let alone bump uglies with her and sure as hell would not give her my dna
Ontop of that she's pretty trifling and manipulative
These men be stupidly procreating with anything with a pulse and orifice
Dude here bar is so low he procreated with this payment plan breeder not once but twice.
Made me rethink procreating with him since he didn't value himself enough to do better.
Sadly
The only man I have "known" who chose to control how many kids they have is Rags. Most other men I have known just want to have a good time and don't think much past it.
Oh yes the bar is very low
Oh yes the bar is very low for Little Idiot too. In fact if he has to, DH will dig 30 feet down into the ground to set that bar for her.
Every failure, every issue she has, is always explained away as either being not her fault, not true, or not a big deal.
Deep down they know. I really believe that. DH doesn't make any effort to reach out to LI because he knows her life is a mess, he just doesn't want anyone pointing it out.
Also to add this Disneyland
Also to add this Disneyland dude has set the bar very low for his kids as well
Theyre basically bumps on logs who get praised for existing and inhaling air....can you say low level narcissists in training?
Ditto on the low bar for
Ditto on the low bar for SDiabla23. Last Spring she graduated college (that Daddy directly and indirectly paid for) whoopty doo, but still hasn't found a real job. Her job is really a hobby, she helps a lady with her bead craft business. (Again, she falls not far from BM's tree. Most of BM's "jobs" have been volunteer positions.) SD whines and wonders why she doesn't have any money?
I just found out that SD finally got another job that pays a little better, stlll not using her degree mind you. Now she is crying to DH that she doesn't like to commute and pay tolls. She lives, rent free, with BM. BM, who recently moved to a very remote area in the middle of nowhere. Lol ... So hard to mooch off your parent, live for free and drive to work ... I am just so glad that SD didn't try to move in with us after college.
I halfway expect that she is still going to crash Thanksgiving. She hasn't said she is coming but she knows that this year we're having a big Thanksgiving with friends and family. That is just the sort of day she would like to ruin with drama. It's a short flight from BM's area to where we are. Fingers crossed she stays with BM for Thanksgiving but SDiabla and BM constantly fight, throw things, hit and scream at each other like they are both a couple of out of control children. So trashy. She may decide the best way to rebel against BM is to storm off and bring drama here. I hope not.
For your sake
I hope not either. Sdiabla better keep herself away from you gust for the holidays.