I made a mistake
I made the mistake of going on a trip with SD. DH promised it would be different this time. We don't have a car rented so there's no fight over the front seat. He got 2 hotel beds so sd10 would have to share with bd5. I was hopeful. The kicker is, we came to Montreal so he could take sd10 to a hockey game. I kept on that he should make plans for us to do something bd5 would also enjoy. Day before we leave, no plans yet. I suggested something for day 2, but he's planning on taking sd to the private hockey practice from 10 to 1 at least. So there goes that. So day 1 is going ok, we go to the mall to get dh a bday gift. We're having lunch and dh asks if I got plans for the night or if I'm going to just go back to the hotel to relax for the evening and adjust to time change. BECAUSE he wants to take sd to a movie but it's not age appropriate for the littler ones. Then he said, unless you think it's too much for one kid. So he put that on me to say yes or no. I told him it is a lot but do what he wants. Then we go to a store with toys in it. Sd immediately asks for something. He said yes. Then she stands there for 10 minutes trying to pick between 2 things and he keeps saying no just one. But then bd5 picks out a toy $2 more so now it's not fair cause bd is getting a more expensive toy. He said no. I'm getting kinda proud of him lol. Then he turns around and says, well you can have both if you spend your own money. So sd ends up with 2 toys, $4 in value more than bd but its no big deal cause bd don't understand cost. Ahh no but she do understand that one kid got 2 things and she only got one. I didn't say anything but the minute he caved I guess you could see it on my face. So I'm the bad guy for causing an issue because I never approve of anything he decides and I never agree with his decisions and blah blah blah. Then he says I'm acting like an idiot in front of the kids. I'm so pissed. We walk back to the hotel in silence. Sd has a shower so I try to question him about what happened. I do not want to be in montreal the next 3days in a fight. But he got no answer cause no matter what he says I'm just going to shit on him. He dragged me to Montreal on a trip I didn't want to go on because I hate traveling with him and sd. It always ends up like this. He only brought us so I wouldn't be able to say he was taking just her. But if he wants to go to a movie, a practice and game in 3 days, why did I need to come? To sit in a hotel and watch sd get Everything while bds are left out? Well she got her own money so why can't she spend it, she shouldn't have to let it rot in the piggy bank. We went to sleep with the decision to put on a face for the trip and then split up when we get home. His decision.
How do I get through the next 3 days? And how do I give up my husband and family? How do I fix this?
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it almost feels like you and
it almost feels like you and your daughter were invited along on his date weekend with SD.
The toy thing is crazy to me.
The toy thing is crazy to me. Who started the cost comparison? SD? I really don't know any children of that age who would even think to to do that. Honestly I agree with Yesterday; the minute the negotiating started, I would've told SD she wasn't getting any toy, and we could try again tomorrow if she had a better attitude.
As for the rest of the trip, is there any way you and your daughter can travel home without them? If it's possible, why stay and put yourself through two more days of misery? Particularly if nothing fun has been planned for DD. The way this man is acting is so childish and passive aggressive. I certainly wouldn't want to stick around for more of that.
If he has told you you're
If he has told you you're splitting up once you get home, why stay? Do whatever you need to to get yourself and DD home. Even if he's not serious, do not put up with that BS.
I think him saying you'll
I think him saying you'll split up when you get back is just him ending the arguement and getting what he wanted now. does he have a habit of threatening to split up if he isn't getting his way?
Hockey game? Private hockey
Hockey game? Private hockey practice? How big a hockey fan is SD?
Could you not have taken BD5 to this alone? I realize that it's not ideal, but better than sitting in a hotel room.
Hiw do you fix this? I'm not sure you can. Husband needs to realize he has more than one kid. You could try individual and joint counseling. But, if he still wants to separate after you get home, you need to make a plan.
Make plans to do thing with
DD, Montreal , has an excellent bus and subway . There Uber also. So getting around isn't a problem. All police offices speak English. Hotel people also. Check Yelp under thing to do with kids. Make you and your DD Have a good time. You don't need SD. Then strategy out DH. Remind him he closed to another failed marriage. He closed to more CS. You are not going to take this anymore
absolutely.. he is going to
absolutely.. he is going to be otherwise engaged doing things with SD.. so you go do things with your child..
I also think that there is too much score keeping going on.
Does your child have savings? like SD does.. if so..you could have offered to let your child get a 2nd item from their own money too.
in the end.. it sounds like SD paid for the 2nd item herself?... and what's to stop you from ponying up for a 2nd item even small for your kid so it seemed fairer to the smaller one?
You have a husband problem
That much is clear.
Hes gaslighting you into thinking YOU are the issue.
He is showing preference for SD and not BS.
He is calling you names.
Theres not a lot to work with.
Start looking into attorneys for your process.
Why are you putting on a show
Why are you putting on a show for 3 days? Rent a car and leave him.
Pack up yours and BD's stuff and move out. Screw that.
I'm so sorry he treated you
I'm so sorry he treated you this way and pulled the old "we're breaking up" as soon as you questioned his behavior. He sounds rabidly defensive of his dysfunctional relationship with his daughter.
I'd go home and pack his
I'd go home and pack his stuff and leave it on the porch. This is ridiculous. Maybe when BD is a child of divorce, daddy will spend some time with her.
Reshedule your flights using STBHDHs credit card, get you and
your DDs home NOW! Have the locks re-keyed, divorce filed, emergency custody and CS orders in place before his idiot ass gets back with the golden child product of his golden giggle berries and his golden wand of failed fathering.
He played the D card. DO NOT go back or let him guilt you into accepting a retraction of his playing the divorce card.
Nail his ass to the wall for a shit ton of $CS, keep his ass bared as the failed POS man, POS parent, and POS husband that he is, and protect yourself and your DD's from this dumbass.
Grow some testicular fortitude and use that to keep your foot fully up his idiot ass for the rest of his miserable life. Go all kinds of HCGUBM on his idiot ass. Do not let him do to your DD's what he has done and is doing to his shit progeny from his failed breeding with XW/BM.
Grrrrrrr.
Take care of you, take care of your DDs.
THIS!
I stupidly stayed (like a depressed shocked-in-the-headlights deer) 3 years after the 1st, "Eff you, it's DIVORCE!" rage-out by my now-exH in August 2018. As detailed in my ST blogs.
Divorced now, and hindsight being 20/20, should have ended it then.
Hard decisions... are hard.
I know, I can be a master of the obvious.
I should have canceled the Honeymoon on Sunday and filed for an annulment on Monday after my Saturday wedding to my XW. The night of the wedding was that shocking.
But... I actually never did file for divorce. She did. I likely wouldn't have for quite some time due to my naive perspective and the fact that I had allowed myself to be subjugated and my confidence to be destroyed. Though my XW was a truly destructive evil toxic indivicual, tolerting it and giving up on me was entirely on me.
I was lucky to walk out of the divorce hearing 30mos after the wedding with no baggage and a bright adventurous future ahead of me. I am also fortunate that I did not grow so jaded that I undermined any opportunity I might find for a wonderful marriage to an amazing mate. It very well could have happened. I am blessed to have re-learned to be confident and commited to the person I like being which includes honoring and respecting my mate. I thank my parents for that foundation. My learning was that toxic cannot and should not ever be tolerated. Even when there are papers binding someone to that toxicity.
Papers can be shredded and a do-over can be successfully pursued.
I am extremely fortunate.
Take care of you STalkers. Never abandon the life you want even for LOVE. If that love does not augment the life you want, it isn't worthy of you. Love is not constant sacrifice, it is not destructive, and neither are people worthy of love. If those things are part of a relationship, love has absolutely nothing to do with it and is not present.
IMHO.
My DH and I have had a lot of
My DH and I have had a lot of conflict over his children. He never called me names or said I was in the wrong, and I still came very close to leaving him. I think I'm quite a bit older than you, so our situations are different. But I will never stay with someone who hurts me without regret. And I would never stay with someone who threatened divorce to get their own way. Call him on his bluff. If you can, take your DDs and leave. Let him see that words matter and that you have boundaries.
Your example and experiences are priceless.
Oh Hon,
Oh Hon,
How frightened, anxious and stressed you must be feeling right now, with your husband behaving in such an unjust and hurtful manner! When I read:
~ We went to sleep with the decision to put on a face for the trip and then split up when we get home. His decision. ~
I felt almost sick so I can well imagine what’s going through your mind at the moment; two little ones and a bullying partner who is threatening divorce because of your righteous grievance. Is the man in the habit of this sort of intimidation when you disagree?
Clearly, your husband has allowed his oldest daughter to develop into the worst kind of mini-wife. Rather than curb the child’s selfish and unacceptable behaviour, he’s created a little monster who wields more power in the relationship than his wife, a situation that’s unhealthy for the entire family.
In a previous post you wrote:
~ I sit in the back and she gets the front seat. And every year I tell DH I will never do that again, and it always turns into a fight bc I should not let her get to me.~
This is beyond ridiculous! Once, when my own SD was about 13-years-old and we were on a long car trip, she decided that she wanted to sit in the front seat beside her dad, with me in the back. My DH laughed heartily, assuming that she was joking. When she insisted, he told her, quite sternly, that when she was able to pay for her own vehicle, she’d be at liberty to take the front seat. In the meantime, the adults, he and his wife, would remain in the front. The fact that you’ve allowed this foolishness to continue tells me that you’re oppressed to the degree that events outlandish enough to shock normal folks have become acceptable to you!
My dear girl, when one of the partners in a marriage uses threats of divorce to subdue and defeat the other, the time has come for revolt. Otherwise, your future will be very dim, more so because you’ll be watching your own little girls suffer the knowledge that, in their father’s eyes, they are second best. Parents who play favourites do immeasurable harm to their children as can be attested to by many of our members.
For you to stay in Quebec and endure another minute of abuse would be tantamount to accepting ‘His decision’. NO, NO, NO! Please, dust off your credit card (or whatever other means you can find) to get yourself and your daughter home. Unless you take a stand, once and for all, things will never change. If your husband executes his stated intention to divorce (an unlikely development as bullies prefer to terrorize rather than act), you will still manage to have saved a modicum of self-respect.
I am so angry for you that I could just spit!
Wisdom^^^^^