SD61 is in jail - Update
She's out but before explaining, just know IT'S NOT HER FAULT. DH86 spoke with her a few minutes ago. They let her go (overcrowding and no record) on the condition she pay the bond today and then show up for the whatever. She has been saving for Christmas but was $120 short so DH sped off. She is supposed to have someone with her when she goes today but said if DH didn't want to go, she has someone who will.
She had left a phone message for me where she defiantly stated it wasn't shoplifting. DH must have shared my opinion with her or stepGD, whatever. But the murky part is, what exactly is the charge? I overheard her part of DH's phone call about 2 guys who talked her into some kind of scam at a store then took off. (The grifter got grifted). Last night, I went on case.net and found the charge, from 2021 and the many (8 or10) instances where they've tried to contact her with no response so finally issued a warrant. You know, ignore bad things and they will go away, right?
I am so glad we didn't jump into action. Last night, I realized I've done too much too many times (huge wedding, years of over-functioning, facilitating her current living situation). I resent it and things somehow work out without me. Even last night, I was thinking how to handle it, how to pay for her bond (giving her Christmas money early).
It's not over yet, I'll hear more when DH gets home but just know, she's a VICTIM, it's not her fault.
- JRI's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Good thing she's absolved
Good thing she's absolved from something she didn't do... downside is now she's back to relying on y'all for the 3 hots and a cot.
Well, JRI, it could have been
Well, JRI, it could have been worse, yes? At the relatively low cost of $120.00 (your DH’s ‘play money’), yon victim of circumstances has been sprung. Poor babe in the woods, duped by unscrupulous villains! Of course, it’s not her fault!
It appears that SD is both aware of and offended by your suggestion of shoplifting so that should improve relations between the two of you. Seriously though, if it keeps her from your doorstep, all the better!
And BTW, after SD appears in court and her bail money is returned what are the chances of your DH having his contribution returned? I’m guessing slim to none.
Oh, ha ha ha
I'm laughing at the thought that DH86 might get his $ back.
The only reason I know about SD61's offended discussion of the ridiculous idea of her shoplifting (she does it all the time) is that after he left, I listened to the message he had heard. In other words, he didn't tell me she'd been offended, he tries to keep peace. But I can guarantee this whole situation will be remembered as "JRI accused me of shoplifting!" I dont care, the less I have to interact with her, the happier I am.
grannyd:
grannyd:
Money is supposed to be returned to the person who paid it TO the court at the counter.
OR, in some instances part of that bond can be desigated to be handed over to the attorney who represented the perp for all outstanding lawyer balances.
I leared this from all the times bm' mom, Granny bail out, bailed out her adult kids.
JRI, of course she is innocent,, everyone in the clinker IS. (EYE BALLS ROLLING)
So sorry you have to deal with this sh**
Thanks for the info, Thumper!
You know, Hon, one of the things I like best about this site is the wealth of information (as well as advice) on tap from having so many, varied members; somebody always knows something about an experience, problem, procedure, yada, yada and is willing to share. Love it!
Just imagine, Thumper (one of my childhood nicknames, BTW), the book that we SMs could write if a half dozen of us got together for a weekend (with plenty of wine)?!
NLG....I though she got
NLG....I though she got arrested for selling her world famous "baloney sandwiches" to an undercover
wasn't it your adult step kid that kept trying to entice Splenda daddies with her baloney sandwich?
Bologna sandwiches
Yes, Lily, it was inderd SD61. She wanted sometnhing done in her unit, can't temmember what, maybe a fan, but went to Home Depot with us to get some parts, DH paying, of course. But how to get it installed? A man in his mid-40s was waiting on us, looked just like a regular person, not handsome, just a guy in the orange apron. I could read SD's mind, "Ill intice this sucker over and get my fan installed. The most it will cost me is a **."
Smiles, flirty chit chat, finally the clincher, " I make really good bologna sandwiches". The guy was slow to grasp it, must have been blinded by her beauty. He didnt take her up on the "offer".
DH seemed oblivious, I was cringing. It was all a joke to me but illustrates that she wants to use everybody. That's what happened with this offense. She thought she was using these 2 men somehow but they used her.
The most it will cost me is a
If she valued her body more she'd realize that's a steep price to pay for a basic fan.
Lawdy. Yes, SD is an
Lawdy. Yes, SD is an innocent victim (again). Im sure it was someone else's fault ((eyeroll)). If she's found guilty she'll have fines and restitution that won't get paid.
Epilogue
In line with my disengagement from SD61, I dont bring her up to DH86. So, I haven't commented. BUT, when he brings up the topic, I state the facts. So, we have established:
1) She participated In a scam with 2 other people to steal. She was probably going to receive cash. The other people left her holding the bag and being responsible for the theft. (Per her).
2) This occurred in 2021 and since then, the case has continually been postponed since she never responded to the court. Ultimately, a warrant for her arrest was issued (Per case.net).
It's important to me that we not go with the "Victim" and "They never contacted me" story lines. The one thing I still want to clarify is: this isnt over. I think this was the bail hearing today but there will still be the disposition of the case, restitution, punishment. DH86 seems to think its all over but that's the next point to clarify.
I will be seeing her next week, who knows how that will go. I want to emphasize that my concern is DH86. He's 86, has 2 types of cancer, hearing loss and oncoming dementia. He deserves peace. I dont want him getting calls about her jailings, hospitalizations, other craziness. She has 3 adult kids, call them.
Maybe
You can give SD61 a gift wrapped file. Gawd I'm stb 63 in a couple of weeks and never had an irresponsible moment in my LIFE. My younger sister on the other hand ...
I see ss18
When you talk about SD61. Nothing is ever his fault. I opened a bank account for him once, because I'm the most financially literate one in our immediate families. I've helped raise 2 significantly younger brothers, and have opened bank accounts for both since they were about 8, never really had issues with them. Super proud of them both, little bro 27 rents husbands apartment and has never been late on rent, and is a saver. Little bro 21 is going for an IT degree. Dd8 has a bank account, no issues there.
ss18 when he was 16 suddenly had a deposit of 3k coming in his account, and I asked if he knew about it. Of course he denied it. I thought maybe his mom is finally paying CS and sending it to him? Except then the bank froze all of the accounts I had with them (credit cards, checking accounts for me, Dd8, and my brothers). They said they were investigating fraud. I told SS they wouldn't stop until they found out and that he might go to jail. Then came the new story. That some random guy in his school offered to put a check in his account and he would split some of the money. I dragged him to the bank and spoke to the manager, letting them know I had been a customer for over 10 years and never with an incident with any of the accounts. I explained that SS was the newest account and my ss and then I told them what he told me. The manager said she needed a minute to go speak to someone...left...and when she returned thanked me for being a customer and unfroze my accounts, but said SS16 would never be able to bank with them at all. Sometimes I wonder if ss23 was the random guy that came up with the bright original idea of defrauding the bank that way. But you know....it's never their fault!
Poor judgement
These kids, your SS and my SD, have such poor judgement. Their desire for money clouds their thinking. I dont think my SD is an evil person but she takes such chances in life, doesn't realize her decisions impact her so severely. As a parent, its hard to watch and as a step-parent its hard to watch our mate's embarrassment and worry.
They aren't exactly benign,
They aren't exactly benign, though, either. They want what they want when they want it. They take from other people without giving a crap that those other people are *losing* something for each thing they take. Businesses, parents, siblings, etc. They consider themselves to be so much more important than the suckers they take from.
Thank goodness
Justice was served. Her good heart got her in trouble. Minding her own business and these other people just blamed her. Yes, you and I heard that before. The jail didn't want to pay for her " good baloney sandwich " and the cost of keeping her.
'once again if she gets probation. Will she follow through with the terms of brobation. Seeing her probation officer, doing what required of her. "Community service. ". Or should she just spend the two three weeks in jail. Cheaper then a lawer, it's a country jail, not killers there. Mostly people like her. They are different then you and I. Spending time in jail is like party time. Having there friends there. Three meals.heat, A cot, Most likely better living conditions then she has now
''You have to disengage . You know that. She is never going to change. It's your DH ..,DD .. What can he do? JUST make sure she will never live with you, most likely she doesn't wannt to. Too many rules. ONE act like a person.. No drinking and or drugs in the house . No jail friends visiting the home.
Never sgain
Don't worry, Harry, she will never live here again after the last time. Drugs, theft, craziness. If DH ever moved her in again, I'd split. Then they'd both be up a creek since the house would be sold and I wouldn't be subsidizing her anymore.
This could end up with prison time. Hopefully.
I had an employee who had years before been arrested for taking his then underage GF across state lines for the purpose of having sex with her. They had been dating for a couple of years. She was ~16 at the time, he was ~19. Her father pressed charges.
10-ish years later all of his appeals, etc... were exhausted and he was imprisoned for 9mos on a multiyear sentence. He had been married to the GF for ~8 years and they had several kids.
It took a major effort for me to be able to return him to work after he got out of prison. He was a very skilled and experienced tradesman.
Hopefully SD-61 gets to spend time in the crappy food hotel behind bars for a while. She needs it. Her kids and sadly her father need to see it happen. Her ignoring the courts may just make it bad enough that she will actually experience appropriate consequences.
Good luck.