Stealing!!!
My SS has a problem with taking things that arent his. He has done this since he was little. His mom passed away at 4 years old and therapists think its a learned behavior from the trauma he went through early on. But this is something he has always done. If we go out to eat and all order waters he will go refill it with soda. He loads his pockets with sugar packets and free candies at the door. He shows up after school with shoes, hats, tumblers, perfume, necklaces, watch, hoodies etc. He has claimed his friends gave stuff to him but we found out on several occasions he was lying. He also digs in the lost and found at school and brings stuff home. We told him about a year ago that if he brought anything else home that didnt belong to him that we wohld take it. So each week I go through his room and remove stuff that he has brougt home. I used to confront him about it but it didnt stop so I just take it and put it in our safe. He does it so much that he doesnt even notice. Last year he was grounded from his phone so he took a phone out of his girl friends back pack and brought it home. My DH has a smart firewall and he could see a new device trying to log into our network. So he went to SS's room and he was on that phone. He claimed it was a back up phone his gf gave him so they could talk. Well after talking to her dad and her she claimed she didnt know he took it out of her back and she broke up with him and told the whole school he was a thief. His story sounded legit but because he does this so much we didnt know what to believe. Does anyone else have this problem? And if so how do you deal with it? He goes to therapy. Its not helping.
- Momofsix46's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Start by getting a new
Start by getting a new therapist, one who is experienced with kleptomaniacs.
In his mind its not stealing
In his mind its not stealing if he finds it. Like if he sees a nike hat sitting on the bleachers at school and no one is there to claim it. In his mind it is okay to take it. Or if he is outside walking down the street ane someone sits something out with their trash. He takes it. Its finders keepers for him. I still say if its not his then its disappearing. It happens so much.
You clearly do need a new
You clearly do need a new therapist, but I would do to him what he's doing to others. If he has things he values, take them when he's not looking. His favorite hat? If he leaves it sitting somewhere - gone. His favorite video game? Take it. Something special in his room. Take it. Just gradually, daily, take his things.
When he gets upset, ask him how it feels. If he tells you how it feels, tell him that is what other people are feeling when they can't find their stuff. And I'm the type of mom that would keep going until there was nothing left in his bedroom but a bed, pillow and blanket. I've done it before to my own kids. They are now all 3 kind and responsible adults. I'm not sure that will be your outcome, but it's worth a shot.
That's just his way of
That's just his way of justifying it, minimizing it, and making you get off his case if you think he didn't "hurt" anyone
Why does his dad allow him to
Why does his dad allow him to steal soda. He should take it from him. Every time he gets what he takes removed
When he gets caught we make
When he gets caught we make him pour it out and get water. But he does it every time. His grandma even caught him doing it when he was with her
Don't let him get up from the table.
Don't let him get up from the table. Or get up with him. He should not be given the chance to steal from places of business - whether it is soda or sugar or candies. His Dad needs to watch every move he makes while out in public.
He needs a new therapist who will actually deal with his issue. Saying he is stealing because of the trauma of his Mom's death is not helpful. He needs tools to deal with his emotions so he doesn't steal.
I know this is a
I know this is a retrospective question, but when he was little and taking things, was he ever required to either put the things back and/or return them to the owner and apologize and pay for it?
Yes...one time he took $60
Yes...one time he took $60 out of his dads wallet. He was buying lunches from the school even though we packed him a lunch everyday and he took $60 to pay it back. We found out about it because he was $5 short and they sent us a bill. He had to work to pay his dad back and had his priviledges taken away for some time. This was in 2nd grade. He is now 14. He's been caught taking money from his siblings rooms. And food is a big one. He once got up in the middle of the night and ate his sisters lunches that they had packed for school. Yes this has been going on for years. We have cameras in our home because of it. He is so unpredictable especially if he thinks no one is looking.
He seems to get a thrill from
He seems to get a thrill from "getting over on people", crossing boundaries, and taking things. Have you noticed any other antisocial behaviors? Annoying people on purpose to see how far he can push them, seemingly enjoying manipulating people into doing things they don't want to do, taking pleasure in others' pain or misfortune, or lacking empathy? I wonder if it's more than kleptomania. It's sad and difficult that his mother died but his behavior can't be allowed to go on. He could harm someone or end up in prison.
He's been doing this for a
He's been doing this for a LONG time so it's habit now maybe even compulsive
I agree with the above poster about lacking empathy for how other people feel, breaking rules, and invading boundaries, lacking remorse when he takes things which are common signs of antisocial type disorders such as conduct disorder, etc
Sounds like you all are doing the best you can but unfortunately he may end up hitting rock bottom (ex. juvenile detention/jail) if he continues.
He definitely needs therapist who specializes in this area.
Anything you catch him stealing - lock it up! Lock everything up.
*im not a licensed therapist but I have a bit of worldly experience
There’s something seriously wrong with him
He needs professional psychiatric help like someone with a MD. To try to find out what's going on. Or start a lawyers fund. You have to do something,,
Lying and stealing were spanking offenses when we were kids.
Give it a try.
Then when his ass cheeks are stinging and cherry red, make him take the stuff back to those he stole it from and let his peers take it out of his hide as well. Kids can be effectively brutal when a liar, thief, and bully is uncovered. Though a bully is a tougher prospect in taking care of. IMHO it has to happen sooner rather than later.
The subtle approach is not working with this thieving lying kid. Time to invoke an escalating state of abject misery including corporal punishment, public humiliation, and constand confrontation.
Lather... rinse.... repeat.
IMHO.