Bioparents Take Care Of Your Sick Kids
With COVID season here and ramping up there will be no shortage of sociopathic insensitive careless nasty bioparents who shove the skids (with their infectious diseases) off on anyone with a pulse
Not only do these opportunistic bioparents not care if their sick kids compromise your health they enjoy it.
They get paid child support while avoiding supporting their kid while the kid needs it the most, send the kid to the step parent, step parent (and everyone else is now sick), stepparent has to use their PTO (if they're with an employer) for sick time when I could be used for vacation etc.
Keep those sick kids with their mother!!!!
I refuse to be conned out of my PTO to take care of / risk my health for sick skids
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Comments
It's annoying, but to all
It's annoying, but to all fairness they send kids to the other bio parent. Not to you. When you say that bio parent must take care of kids, I think it means not just BM. Dad is a parent too.
If you don't think sick kids should be around stepparent, then what should happen if both bio parents are remarried? If there are stepparents in each household, then where sick kids should be at?
Having said that if kids have covid, they shouldn't be travelling between houses. Also you aren't under obligation to take care of sick kids. That's parents' job. Moms AND dads
Absolutely... you don't take
Absolutely... you don't take time off work to care for your SO's child.. he does. If they have a custody agreement and she falls sick on his time.. he should be the one to arrange care for his child.. if it's on mom's time.. she should. if your DH can't push back if she asks for help on her time. it's his job to watch his kid.
But.. the unfortunate reality is that kids get sick.. and if you are married to one of their parents.. you might have to be around a sick kid.
Now.. another semi reasonable solution people might have is to have the sick kid stay with the home where they showed symptoms first.. but I guarantee that BM wouldn't "realize" the child was sick and send her anyway.. haha.
Good point and Your last
Good point and Your last paragraph is spot on
I would rather dude send instacart soups to them AT HER HOUSE than bring them here and infect everyone else.
The worst part is these
The worst part is these people being willfully obtuse about knowing symptoms of communicable illness in their kids.
Like you know good an d@mn well something is wrong with little Timmy because he's hacking up a lung, he's lethargic, he said his throat was sore, he's got snot falling like waterfalls out of his nose
They simply don't want to use their pto and they don't care if other people are negatively affect by their maleficence / their kids illnesses
Unless I can send my sick kid
Unless I can send my sick kid to payment plan pr0stitute....she better keep those sick kids there and take care of them (yes while they're sick) like a good layaway plan 304 is supposed to do - because that's what they're supposed to do and that's what they're getting paid child support to do.
Both parents should be
Both parents should be sharing the burden.. they should't force you to be the daycare.. but unfortunately.. if you live with your SO.. then you will likely have times where you have to at least co exist with a sick kid.
I get that they should share
I get that they should share the burden but the burden should be contained so it doesn't burden everyone else.
Sharing the burned doesn't have to mean physically picking them up and bringing them into the house. I can be calling/FT them; sending food delivery, delivering medications; setting up doc appointments etc.
There are other ways to help that don't involve compromising other people's health.
Some of these bioparents do not care about nurturing their kids back to health, definitely don't care about anyone else's health, and just want their "kid-free" weekend no matter what cost to others.
Back in the day
I would offer my ex the ability to make up time if bios were ill. No sense spreading germs unnecessarily. But then again that is common sense.
Chef would always take his 3 petri dishes when they were projectile vomiting, hacking up a lung and I, being the breadwinner, would catch what they had invariably, having to burn up my PTO as sick days. Gihippo, when she was not withholding (illegally) visitation to get her way, was always offloading them when they were sick.
Yeah this is what grinds my
That's awesome you offered to make up time if they stayed with their mom while sick. That's a good compromise!
What grinds my gears is the callousness on part of trifling bioparents. (Especially if they reject a compromise)
Like if bio parent feels compelled to import the plague or whatever up in here just know I expect
Is your SO not a bio parent?
Is your SO not a bio parent? It's strange you only refer to BM as a bio parent.
I agree with having the kids
I agree with having the kids stay at whatever house they got sick in. If it's BM's house, then BM needs to figure it out and take care of them. If it's at yours, then their father needs to step up and take care of them. He should also keep them isolated in their rooms so they are not sharing germs everywhere. Either way it shouldn't be your problem to solve. I did stay home a couple of times when SS was sick, but I did so willingly. He lived with us and at the time my husband's work schedule had him going in super early. I had the option of leaving him with my MIL and would have done so if I wasn't willing to look after him. BM always took care of him if he got sick at her house. We had our fair share of issues but she did try to keep the germs confined to one home.
I don't understand these bio parents not wanting to look after their sick kids. Sick kids want their bio parents, mostly Mom, not someone else. I can't stand being away from my own bios when they're sick and they're teenagers! I never even liked leaving them at home with my husband and he is their very capable bio father.
And then there are those who
And then there are those who absolutely HAVE to have their children for visitation no matter what, whether the kid has COVID, the flu or the bubonic plague. These are the people who forget that their kids are not belongings who can be shuttled from pillar to post regardless of the child's state of health. They somehow think it's better for the kid to be dragged from their sickbed and carted from one parents' home to the other, as if mommy or daddy's presence will make them feel so much better.
Agreed. I told my ex our kid
Agreed. I told my ex our kid isn't feeling well and I will be taking care of this.
Sometimes he would refuse claiming "nothing is wrong", import our kid to his house, then refuse to provide medication/rest/etc
Some bio parents aren't good nurturing types and don't need physical custody when the kid is sick. But then again some of these kids are built like machines and no illness holds them down so .....
COVID changed things quite a bit
BC (Before COVID) kids were sick, went between houses. Stayed in room, stayed away.
DC & AC (During COVID and After COVID) we had some pushback from toxic troll bm who told husband "well its always going to be here", and 2 weeks was "too long" to have/not have skid. At that time SD24 Feral Forger was living with her too, going out, not wearing masks, got COVID more than once. So, I told husband "no I do not want kid coming over when sick..."
sometimes you have to make a stand.
We had a thread during the
We had a thread during the worst pandemics where many stepmothers argued that no matter how sick kids are (including having covid) if it's dads time, kids must go to dads. They also argued that since CO is a legal document, it must be followed to a t and dad have rights to see their kids no matter how sick they are. Some SMs got mad that some posters believed sick kids should stay home at moms and felt that BMs are alienating dads and are in the wrong
Now we have a thread about how sick kids must stay at bio parent, which somehow is only BM. Completely opposite.
I think both cases are complete extreme. It needs to be based on situation. Not ALWAYS this or that. It depends on many factors.
I think main issue is that many dads refuse to parent and force stepmoms do all the work. At the end SMs are resentful and hate their skids and BMs. It's much easier than acknowledging that their partners suck in every way. As partners and as parents. It's a hard pill to swallow
My personal feeling that it
My personal feeling that it seems most kind to a sick child to allow them to remain where they are. Dealing with the switching of homes.. when they may be actively experiencing nausea.. vomitting.. intestinal issues is tough.. I mean.. when we are sick.. don't we just want to hide under the covers... and rest? Not make some transfer and have to be resettled elsewhere?
But.. that does set up the potential for the CP to bear much more of the brunt of dealing with a sick child.. and all it entails.. including having to take more time off from work.. and just caregiving for a sick person in their home.. risk to others in their home etc.. (but if the kid is sick there already.. their home is already tecnichally exposed to an extent). Conversely is it all that fair that the NCP gets to avoid the unpleasant and inconvenient part of parenting.. just because the odds are that the kid will show symptoms first at the home of the CP.. just because they are there more.
It also sets up the possibility that a CP could game the system to avoid giving a NCP their custody time over minor issues.. and if having makeup time is not going to happen.. I can see that a child with minor issues.. well.. allowing the NCP to keep their custody time might be better in some cases.
there is of course also the "blind eye" issues here.. where one or the other parent ignores emerging symptoms and foists a kid over with out any warning of the illness.. which can be disruptive..
There are also issues of other situations.. where you might have a young infant.. or someone who is immune compromised..where other things need to be taken into the situation.
Bottom line... it can go either way. Sometimes the kid should just stay with the sick house they started in.. it's probably more reasonable to do that in a lot of cases.. but that does put more burden potentially on the CP home.. and on them to take time off. and they may not always have that lattitude.. so sometimes the NCP may need to step up.
Of course.. in NONE of these scenarios.. should anyone expect the STEP parent to be the caregiver..(unless the SP volunteers)
These are all good points.
These are all good points.
Only thing I would add is one parent shouldn't have all the burden raising kids however I do think that when kids get sick, the burden can being eased can be doing other things aside from physical custody it can be financial reimbursement (if more than x amount of PTO is used), delivering groceries & medications, being available remotely (phone calls/video chats), agreeing to make up physical custody later, etc.
I think arguments were made
I think arguments were made on this site that it makes it sound that dads are just wallets and are incapable of taking care of sick kids. Kind of alienating. Plus too many BMs claim that kids are too sick so they have to skip visitation. So this argument could go both ways.
When all involved are
When all involved are reasonable, reasonable compromises can be made. It sucks that the people on this site deal with the unreasonable. In any case, OP shouldn't be forced or guilted into taking care of them, sick or well. I think when people are at the end of their rope and are just "done", they will grasp at straws to get some relief from whatever it is that they are finding intolerable.
Sick kids.... should stay at the home they got sick at....until
Covid or flu is ruled out. It drove me nuts during peak Covid when my employees would come to work and drop the "My kid/wife has the Rona!". I would send them home until they could provide a clear Covid test for themselves after their family member had recovered. The company had that policy. They paid 10days of Covid leave once. Many people took advantage of it with Skitchy claims then when they got actual Covid they got all worked up because then they had to use either sick or vacation time since they had burned their one time 10 day Covid leave.
Transferring snotty petri dishes in tennis shoe between households is not a good idea IMHO. All things considered. For everyone's health and safety.
I was yelled at and accused
I was yelled at and accused of deadly sins on this site when I suggested same thing you are saying. I was told that I must be one of "those" BMs who think it's ok to violate CO and that CO tramps everything. If daddykins supposed to see them on Monday then never mind covid or other sickness kids must arrive to his house on Monday. It got pretty heated on here. And dads should all demand that courts enforce COs. And then there is nothing in CO about kids staying at moms when sick. It's like there are two camps of stepparents with opposing beliefs and it's BM's job to know what SM thinks of a sick kid visiting, is she pro or con
I think peoples' opinions on
I think peoples' opinions on the subject are probably heavily influenced by how pleasant or unpleasant they find their stepkids' presence to be.
Perhaps it also depends on
Perhaps it also depends on how seriously they take the risks of COVID and their responsibility in not spreading it.
I think sometimes it's also
I think sometimes it's also how much they hate BM. Sometimes sticking it to BM tramps other things. Hate for BMs stems from men not having their priorities straight. Like if a man puts his ex on a pedestal, then the current wife's suffering would cause her all kind of thoughts.
While I am definitely team enforce the CO I am also a pragmatist
When a kid is sick with an infectious disease, the parent scheduled to receive them should decline to take the kid until the kid is not longer infectious. If the receiving parent has lost contact with brain function on the topic, their mate should end that crap before the viral spawning spawn arrives. No one should be allowed to risk the health of others even in a visitation situation.
Not rocket science. Just basic intelligence gained from gradeschool biology.
IMHO.
Many lose their ever loving minds on some topics. The combination of COVID and a CO is one of those topics.
I am sorry you were lambasted on the topic. Fortunately, we are past peak COVID and hopefully it will be about like the season flu going forward.
I have my annual Flu vaccine on Sunday, and I am also getting the latest COVID variant vaccine. But, I am a miracle of modern pharmaceutical science and I get all of the Jabs. Gladly.
Oh, definitely the combo of
Oh, definitely the combo of Covid and COs made a lot of people lose their minds. Back in the early days of Covid, SS 19 texted me saying SS 13 was coughing. I went over to check him out. Checked his temp, listened to his lungs, looked at his throat, checked him very thoroughly. He seemed fine, didn't cough at all while i was there, so i said he probably wasn't sick. This was before we knew that healthy kids usually showed few symptoms. 4-5 days later i got sick and tested positive. I completely isolated after that, no contact with skids and hadn't had contact with them for at least a day or 2 before showing symptoms. BM2 gets SS the next day and finds out i have it. She grilled him for symptoms and he said he felt fine but his Sprite tasted a little flat. She takes him to get tested and he's positive. BM2 sends a group text to all of SO's siblings, their spouses, and his parents, telling them that Rumplestiltskin carelessly infected her child and put all of them at risk of dying. No good deed goes unpunished in Stepville.
I tested positive on Dec 25 2021 3 days after last known contact
when my office mate tested positive. He left work on Monday not feeling well, felt better Tuesday, came to work on Tuesday, then was tested on Wed. He tested positive.
I went home as soon as he told me, isolated from DW and was never in the same room for her until 10days post positive. I got the monoclonal antibodies 5days after my first + home test.
DW did not get it until a year or so later.
It's very strange how some
It's very strange how some people get it and some don't. The blood type theory went around for a while (type A more susceptible, type O less.) I don't think that was ever proven, though.