Bio Mom's Threats
My step-children's Biological Mother lost her visitation and custody rights back in 2014. She failed to show up not twice to court. The judge actually laughed at the disrespect and our lawyer assured us we "never had to worry about her again."
Fast-forward to now and she is telling my step-daughter that she has been taking "parenting classes" and "getting her life back together" and is taking my husband back to court to regain custody. Said that she already has a room made up for her. This has also been happening for roughly two years with the false promises, only now instead of just my husband, she is telling this to the stepdaughter as well (who is 14 - her bio mom has done nothing for her in the last 10 years). Has anyone else experienced something like that? I am absolutely terrified that she is going to go through with her threats, even though multiple people have told me no judge in their right mind would give custody back (the best she could hope for is supervised vistation). I really don't want to have to go through the process of hiring a lawyer again, that first time really put a strain on our finances. My stepdaughter bawled her eyes out recently telling me she did NOT want to live with her biological mother, so surely at 14 the judge would take that into consideration? I am losing sleep over this, honestly.
I am sure the people telling
I am sure the people telling you that no judge would countenance this, are right - but to set your mind at rest it might just help if you paid for one consultation with a specialist family lawyer in order to get his/her opinion of the situation. Though I think with BM's history as described in your post, your fears are unjustified. I'm sure you know this, but it isn't stopping you worrying.
The second time she did not
The second time she did not appear in court (yes, this happened TWICE), the judge actually laughed at the disrespect and our lawyer said "Well, you'll never have to worry about her again."I am considering calling her up again, but we are not doing well financially and I don't even know if we would be able to afford the attornery and court fees again.
Our BM also lost custody and
Our BM also lost custody and visitation about 4 years ago. The court actually issued a domestic violence restraining order against her in behalf of SS and forbid any contact of any kind for a few years. I'm sure you all must realize how bad things must have been for the court to side against BM. However she is now fighting like mad now to get it all back. SS is a few years older than your SD. He's been clear he wants nothing to do with BM but the court wants to give BM visitation. They are accusing us of being alienating and SS of being disrespectful for not waiting to cooperate. Realistically, BM will never get legal custody again. However, our BM is very good at manipulating the story to paint herself as a victim. She will likely get something small in way of visitation.
My point is, since it's the mother it's very likely if she goes to court she will get some sort of visitation. probably a small amount and no overnights. It's not likely however that the court would switch custody unless she could somehow prove its was actually in the child's best interest. That seems far fetched based on your blog. Nonetheless, do yourself a favor and be ready. Set money aside for a lawyer and document everything that happens with BM in the meantime. Also I would recommend researching family lawyers so if/when the time comes you know who you want to hire and don't have to scramble. There are good and reasonably priced lawyers if you look hard enough. I hope it's all talk, but it's best to be prepared. Sorry for all this, I feel your pain and I know how much that anxiety hurts. Hugs
So if your SS is a few years
So if your SS is a few years older then he must be close to 18 and yet the court is likely to force visitation on him - I'm really shocked at that. It's hardly feasible to be forcing teenagers close to adulthood to see a parent if they don't want to but then I'm guessing you live in the US where the system seems to be quite different to here in Australia.
What does visitation look like ie will he be forced to go to a venu once a week or once a month and spend x number of hours with his mother?
Thank you for understanding!
Thank you for understanding! My step-daughter has just recently been flirting with the idea of spending time with her Bio Mom, but I would rather have some kind of court document since she was stripped of custody and visitation rights years ago.Do you happen to know if we could request supervised visitation? My husband and I honestly don't want her alone with the Bio Mom. I fully understand the "playing the victim" card. It is everyone's fault but hers! My husband is an evil man for keeping her children away from her (even though my older stepson wants nothing to do with her at all).
There are many things kids
There are many things kids that don't want to do things, doesn't mean they are right.
Kids should never know the drama between parents Parents should encourage and FOSTER children to love and respect both parents regardless of their own opinions.
Oh boy...I am sorry. We had
Oh boy...I am sorry. We had something very similar. This is very painful for the child and you, dh.
Your bm will do what ever she wants. Depending on her income she may qualify for a free lawyer who will bust your rears, try to bury you in paper work. All the while you and dh go broke trying like heck to keep things the way they are.. That is the hard part to come to terms with.
THE good side is,,,the bar for her is high. She must prove a change of circimstance the pushes custody over to her side. Another good thing is your sd is thriving in your home, is happy in your home. THANK GOD sd is not being brainwashed by bm to go back to her as full custodial. THEN it would possibly be over for you and dh. I have seen that happy in a New York minute. Its sad .
** a little side note. Now that this July child tax credit thing is going on soon..I would believe this alone is a cha CHING moment to start the ball rolling for your bm. Maybe i am wrong. But I am hearing a lot of chatter where x's are fighting more than usual to flip custody. They want that money PLUS support. Do you follow me?**
I am sooooooooooo sorry that you may have to go through this. Lets hope she is just blowing smoke..
Please keep us posted, ok?
I find it funny that the last
I find it funny that the last time she sent my husband a text about taking him back to court for custody, a week later she had a brand-new car. So it's obvious to me that the children are not her TOP priority. I would choose money for court over a new car if it meant getting my children back, you know?
I am nearly 99.9% sure this is all a ploy and she belives that if she regains custody of my stepdaughter, she can turn around and hit my husband up for child support! I really truly believe that is one of her intentions and it burns me up inside.
Bio mom is back
My heart hurt when I read this. I went through very similar circumstances with my son (who I eventually adopted......another horror story with bio!) Bio mom abandoned my son when he was 3 mos old and showed up when he was 7. The next 2 years were some of the worst of my life,but when bio mom realized that we were NOT going to give in or give up and that the onus was on HER TO PROVE she was worthy to be in his life, she quit. Don't be intimidated or unsure of yourself or of your DSD's love. The advice given about contacting an attorney in advance is the best advice. An attorney can give you a good idea of your situation and can probably put your worst fears to rest. My prayers are with you.
Thank you so much. I greatly
Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it. <3
Child support laws are
Child support laws are unfaiir. When you pay child support it still counts as income when you don't teally have it! Receive child support and you do not count it as income??! Maybe it shoukd ne split 50/50... Patent that pays get 50% reduced from wages and person who receives should count 50% as earned income?? Would level playimg field.
Your DH needs to put his foot up BM's ass.
And keep it there.
Considering this crap, I would end any interface between SD and BM... She lost both visitation and custody in 2014. So daddy can shut off all contact that BM has to manipulate SD.
He needs to do it. I would engage a lawyer to write a cease and decist letter to BM on law firm letterhead and shut her down.
I recommend that you and DH sit SD down and explain to her that you will not allow BM to further destabilize SD's well being.
When toxic idiots flap their jaws, you have to wire those jaws shut.
iMHO