My whole family is loud. When we get together, it's crazy. BUT we also know that not everyone likes "loud." I have a standing order with all my family and friends when we are out in public....when I get too loud, they give me the "signal" to lower my voice. I definitely do not want to disturb others enjoying their nice evening out.

I can see where you would struggle with Chef's behavior in public. Being carefree is one thing. Being loud enough that someone asks to move tables  and getting "the eye" from others in a concert venue...not good.

I think it's great that you see his flaws and still love him without scolding him or trying to shush him. I am sure my very reserved partner rolls his eyes when I talk loud, sing out, or wear a Burger King crown around all day on my birthday (true story).

I'm very well behaved, but the more obvious and potentially annoying person in my relationship. I'm glad my partner doesn't try to change me or make me smaller.

It's really nice to be with someone (finally) who is well liked by anyone we spend time with. He's approachable, always socially acceptable, never a spectacle and very complimentary to me. Nothing like my XH1 who would humiliate me in front of others or act awkardly, or my XH2 who had to be the center of attention.

Your Chef is lucky to have you in his life.

Part of it is the aging process, imo.  My DH85 is losing his filter.  He's still ok in public but it's going.  Lol.

I guess he's living his best life. My SO is quiet and introverted but will nerd out about something he's passionate about in public. I'm quiet and tend to nerd out too, so it seems to work. SD19 is very much a Pick Me girl and is loud AF. 

My first husband (the psychopath) loved nothing more than degrading me in public. When I was hugely pregnant with my first child, we had a small tiff in a supermarket. The ex shouted out, “You can complain all you want, bitch, I’m not marrying you!” He retold this story many times, convinced that his jibe was the essence of comedy. As his teenaged wife, hormonal and humiliated, I failed to appreciate the humour. 

The ex never failed to contradict me among friends and family, despite the fact that I spoke the truth. Although most of them understood (he was universally despised) that the ex was a jerk, I’m sure there were those who considered me at best, a bullshitter, and at worst, a liar. Not an image that one wishes to project. Frankly, my dear thinkthrice, I often wonder how you’ve put up with Chef for so many years. He must have some redeeming qualities that you’re not revealing, yes?

society.

We took a day trip a couple of hours north yesterday to sight see, do some light hiking, and have lunch and dinner at a couple of the local top rated restaurants.

It was an awesome day. Until we had dinner.  We chose a highly rated foodie burger/etc... place.  We chose to sit outside. It was 112*F.  There were evaporative misters on the covered deck, it was shaded and we were the only people sitting outside.  Definatley warm, but not unpleasant.  The wait was over an  hour... for inside.   We requested first available and immediately were seated on the deck.  After about 15mins another couple, with a dog, joined us on the patio.  They were great. Quiet, pleasant.  Then another couple with a toddler joined us on the patio.  They were great though their toddler was a bit of an escape artist.  He would come wobbling around the corner, stop, look at us, smile then turn around and wobble back to mom and dad. It would take a half a minute for mom or dad to gather him up when he started getting more adventurous, but he was quiet  and not bothersome in the least. I played the hide behind the napkin game with him to get him to quit his escape wobble until mom or dad would collect him.

Then... the family from hell arrived.  A whiney shit of a late single digits aged DD.  The DW/mom was hell bent on letting everyone within ear shot know she was gluten intollerant with a elevating volume many minutes long Q&A on every single menu item. How was it cooked? Was the meat cooked on the same flat top as the bread was toasted on? Did they fry the chicken tenders in the same fryer they cooked the fries in, etc, etc, etc..... The menu clearly showed gluten free items.  Just as it clearly showed low carb items, vegan items, etc... It was a foodie place after all. The DH/Dad was nearly as irritating as his DW was. Elder mid teens DD was clearly humiliated by her should never be allowed in public family.

The more looks the not fit for public consumption family got from the rest of the patrons, the louder and over the top they got and the more mortified the elder DD got.

Decent people do not make a spectical of themselves or ruin a meal for others.

When I owned restaurants I had zero tolerance for these kinds of people. To the point that I would approach the table where one of more of THOSE people were dining and tell the others at the table that they were welcome to stay and finish their meal but that the rude, interfering, lound mouths would have to leave immediately as they were disturbing my other guests.   I would do it professionally but also just loud enough that the rest of the customers could hear that I was addressing the problem.

Telling a husband or wife that their inappropriate child/spouse/friend  had to go usually engaged the quality side of the party to get their idiot  under control. One of the most memorable examples was a family, mom, dad, pre-teen.  Mom was on a roll.  Ordering a Gyro with no lamb. 

Gyro meat is generally lamb. Or a blend of ground beef and lamb. The server, a multiple Master's degreed individual working a second job, explained that we had an all beef option but it was not Gyro. The server pointed out that each table had a seasoning basket on it and the customer could season her order to their own taste.  When the server delivered the food the no lamb Gyro genious lost her shit.  "If I had wanted a burger I would have gone to XYZLMNOP, blah, blah, blah."  Clearly making my other customers uncomfortable.  After a minute I intervened, told the DH and the child that they were welcome to stay and finish their meal but Mom had to go.  Without missing a bite, or a breat, the DH grasped the DW by the back of her belted jeans, pulled her into her seat, told her to sit down and shut up, and dad and the kid kept eating.

That family ended up being regular customers. The lady came by a few days after the incident and appologized, she had been having a bad day, and we ended up having a multi year pleasant interface when she/they would come for a meal of drinks.  She would bring friends for lunch occasionally.

Our server at dinner yesterday was exremely appologetic when we requested our check.  Which was interesting considering that the loud mouthed idiot family was seated right next to us and heard her.  She appologized for any disturbance, thanked us for being pleasant customers. We gave her a huge tip since we expected the asshole clan next to us to stiff her. On our way out I spoke with the manager complimenting our server and making them aware that the server was dealing with a very difficult party on the deck.

I too have been admonished for speaking loudly at a restaurant.  I have a problem with modulating my volume when there is background noise and tend to speak too loudly  as I cannot hear quiet conversation in those situations.  Kind of like people who speak way too loud when they have a bad phone connection.  We were at a meal with friends in Qatar. We were having a good time, talking and laughing. There was a lone diner at a table near us.  When he got up to leave he stopped at our table and confronted me for being overbearingly loud and interfering with his meal.  I waffled a second between telling him to mind his own business and that he was rude for interupting our meal, or appologizing. I appologized. He was right. I was being louder that I should have been considering the environment.  My DW gave me a look when she saw me turn bright red at his comment.  She usually uses the touch me on the leg model to break me out of esclating volume mode when I am getting too loud when out to dinner.  I have become more aware of it as I get older.  Not sure why I am moving counter to the usual direction when it comes to aging and losing a filter. I think I am actually developing a filter.  My kid and I were talking recently about politics. During that conversation he got quiet. So I asked him if I had said something to upset him. It took some pulling of teeth to get him to answer. He advised me to listen because people have their own ideas and not all of them are bad even if they are different than what I think.

Hmmmm.

He was right. So, I try to be much more aware of others. I still do not tolerate idiocy. But, I am willing to give thought to what others think. Within reason anyway.

Chef busting a move at the music event... awesome. Playing the look at me game and disturbing others with the constant F-bombs at dinner ... not so awesome.

What is Chef's motivation for making a spectacle of himself? Claiming not to care what others think while making a spectacle of oneself by perpetrating the look at me game is counter to the stated position of not caring what others think.  That just does not pass the smell test IMHO.

Being boistrous, happy, etc.. is one thing. But...... being a detriment to the experiences of others who are out and about... is another thing entirely.

Appropriate behaviors are situational.  IMHO it is okay for others to coach when behaviors are inappropriate and interfere with others  enjoying themselves... appropriately.

The Elaine reference! Thats SO! I make him slow dance with me though. He can't dance.. basically at all..LOL.

I'm loud in general... my tone of voice.. not annoying loud though... I had a friend like that haha. SO is quite until you know him... biggest ball breaker you'll meet. He barley spoke the night I met him...He was out with friends. 

It does sound like chef had a fun night! I do get the I don't care what people think attitude... I'm like that... have to find the middle ground with that sometimes though haha.

Im sorry but I had to laugh at the dancing/singing out of tune! I think he is exhuberant and extroverted so he does not care much about social etiquette or appearing a certain way. I never judge ppl for being loud because I am extremely quiet with a very low voice and I know its challenging to change your tone in social settings if you dont consciously make an effort. A person like him might get told to lower their tone while someone like me is constantly told to speak up. I dont mind loudness but you could maybe have a talk with him about profanity in the restaurant/public places lol

My friend at uni was also raised by frantic bossa nova/brazilian music fans lol. She introduced me to it when I visited her home and ever since, i love a good lounge atmosphere at home or while making dinner. Said friend actually HATES it lol (her parents are extreme fans with it) - too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. My husband likes loud music with profanity which I dont mind but sometimes it breaks off my jazzy ambiance at home so it can be quite annoying

In your case, opposites attract*biggrin*

My DH embarrasses me sometimes, too. He used to be a lot worse, but I've finally gotten him to realize that some things he used to think were ok are not ok.

For instance, when we were first living together, we went to a Mexican restaurant with the kids for dinner. He used to do funny impressions and accents. He was so convincing that people really thought he was Scottish, effeminately gay with a lisp, or developmentally disabled.) I didnt' approve of the last two, because I didnt' want him mocking people with disabilities or gay people. 

Well, he decided to pretend that he was developmentally disabled all through dinner. I kept hissing at him under my breath but he wouldn't stop. His kids were dying of embarrassment. Then we heard a similar voice behind us. A family had sat down in the booth behind us with a young man who was mentally disabled. The looks that they were shooting our way were not kind - and rightfully so.

I pointed out that he has mocked this poor man who did not ask to be born with disabilities. My DH finally got it. He was shamed and he was quiet for the rest of the meal - apologizing to us. I told him he should apologize to that man, not us.

Anyway, he learned his lesson. He was being immature and his actions hurt someone. He never did it again. 

Yes, I did feel like Marge Simpson that day. But also, I was annoyed that people looked at me like I was taking advantage of a mentally disabled man (DH), since we were obviously together.