The visit is happening
SD22 and sgks are coming for their annual visit to our house. DH is going to pick them up in a couple of days and I won't be able to go with him, but I might send YS12 along for the ride.
I will be spending my precious little free time getting a guest room ready for them and doing what I can to prepare for the week.
My therapist has taught me about coping ahead to hopefully make things easier...so I plan to cook dinner every night, as I typically do....and this will give me a respite from face to face with SD. I will also excuse myself to throw in loads of laundry. And I'll prearrange a couple of phone calls with friends so I can leave the room.
I sound like I hate SD...but I don't. I simply don't like the competition she sets up, placing herself, BM and sgks in one camp and me in another with the prize being DH's attention/affirmation and resources. I'm his wife, so technically there is no competition. In reality SD and sgks are a novelty for DH because visits are rare and time with them is short. I have no desire to interrupt a relationship I tried to facilitate between them, but I don't think SD can see that.
Take deep breaths
How long are they staying? How old are the gkids?
7-8 days
DH wanted a longer stay than just a weekend since its 4- 4.5 hours one way to pick them up (SD doesn't drive). Grands are 2 1/2 yes and 4 months.
Going to be doing lots of deep breathing, lol
What I do
Is read a book sitting quietly in the room sometimes. I can be still in the picture but out of it also. Everyone knows I am a big reader.
Wow
2 1/2yo and 4 months old for a week. Yikes. You're younger than me, I hope. I'm 78 and had 3 gkids that age here for 3 hours and I was totally wiped. I hope your DH will be there the WHOLE time.
We're in our later 40's
And work full time, so we're away most of the day and drained when we get home, so I'm not exactly looking forward to it because it's more work on me. I'm trying to minimize the impact by planning meals and shopping for groceries now, but inevitably something will come up because SD has no income and will need something from for one of the kids while she's here. But doing what I can to be prepared ahead of time. And figuring out how to graceful excuse myself when I need to.
I have to admit, I'm a little worried about her snooping through our bedroom while we're not home.
Need to get a lock, the room
Need to get a lock, the room isn't babyproof, so you need to protect little one. What a thoughtful SM!!
Definitely gotta do something
I have a little sewing project I'm trying to do, maybe I can work on that to distract myself some. Thanks for the idea!
I would not do all that cooking
DH will pick up a few pizzas for pizza night. Then Toco night. Cook up some chop meat. Cut tomatoes ect for Toco night. Then pasta night cook up some pasta. Have two or three sauces. Paper plates. Plastic forks. You can be an eater then the cook. DH can BBQ his kids the old hamburger and hot dogs. Chicken on the grill.
BM is the greatest, she wins DH will buy that big box of cheap wine. Enough for the visit.
Can you schedule some other
Can you schedule some other "must do" errands after work, like taking the dog to the vet or helping a sick friend? That will get you out of a few evenings with SD, and your H can order take out for dinner. You'll be giving him "uninterrupted time with his daughter and the grands, which you know he loves".
So often, we SMs become a buffer between our DHs and their kids, and they seldom get to fully experience their offspring without us mitigating much of the emotional and physical labor of such a visit. If you're not there, your DH will have to bear the entire burden for an evening. That might wear him out and make him less eager for these visits.
I'm sure I'll forget
To pick up a few things from the store! And I'll come up with some other urgent errands!
I hope someday DH see SD for who/what she actually is....someone only out for for she wants and expects everything to be delivered on a silver platter, though she's unwilling to work and support herself and her children.