Blended family - quinceanera or wedding - who walks SD/daughter down the aisle?
Has anyone attended a quinceanera (like a sweet 16th but for Mexicans)...it's basically like a wedding...or a wedding where the parents were separated? Maybe each parents has already found a significant other or not. My SD already told me that she's expecting my husband to walk her down the aisle, and that her mom wants to walk on the other side. My husband told me that he won't do it because I'm his family now...and so is SD. But I don't know if he'll actually have the balls to tell SD that and if BM will pressure him into doing it. It bothers me to see them portray a "family unit." Maybe I sound selfish and maybe I should be thinking about SD...but I can't help myself.
If so, how was walking the daughter/stepdaughter down the aisle done? Would both bio parents do it (excluding the stepparents)? Would that dad and stepmom walk her halfway? Then the mom and whoever walk her the rest of the way? I can't seem to find anything on the web.
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aisle
He's her father and I can't believe that he would not be there for her. My H always walked or particpated in his daughter life and would not have had it any other way.
If the appearance of a family unit is a problem for any of the people involved then one parent could walk her down and one can walk her the other way. When its an event for a child people need to put their feelings on the shelf.
You are his wife...
as I am sure most everyone knows it. People know, because most of them have been thru it, that folks get divorced and re-married.
Don't get me wrong---I can imagine what you are going thru. So please don't take my response as disregarding your feelings. I feel for you, kiddo. I know what it feels like to be shafted. I am glad that your DH is willing to stand up for you. However---I don't think it should be an issue about what anyone else thinks---this is SD's moment to shine.
I am not familar with a quinceanera, but I am familar with weddings. I have seen a bride walk alone, with her BFather, her SFather, her mother, both parents, brother, uncle, close friend, etc. It is, as it will always be, the bride's decision on the person she lets walk her down the aisle. If she only wants her father then great. If she wants both parents then wonderful.
Unfortunately this is not something that you, her father or even her mother can choose for her. It's SD's decision alone. What would be best would be if the person or people SD asks to walk her down the aisle would graciously accept the honor.
"Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat."
From
what I have seen, and every situation is different, the divorced dad & biomom walk the daughter down the aisle, one on either side. When my SD gets married, I will bow out. I haven't raised this young lady, they did. When my daughters marry, the biodad & me will walk them down the aisle. I have no problem with any of it. Just my take on it.
It is best to let the bride decide what happens. As long as I am not sitting in the last pew with the least important guests.
It Would Be Up To You And Your Husband
For one you and dh are your own family unit, and I've seen different scenarios so really depends. If its been a bad relationship among the 4 people then dad/stepmom go together and biodad/wife can also walk daughter down. Or just biodad walks the daughter down the aisle. This isn't a wedding but you and dh need to make it clear, that is in her dreams. It sounds to me that she is trying to make trouble with you, so call her on it and tell her if dh is there you'll be right besides him!! You could also have your own sweet 16 party and skip that other one altogether, (I'd opt to do that) thats also very common when its a bad situation. Can't have your own wedding but this one you could do your own if bm and daughter become a problem.
I know it's hard to
see your husband with his ex wife & children together. My SS's are being raised catholic & we have a first communion coming up. Two years ago at SS10's it was hard to watch DH having his picture taken with BM & SS ect... But it is the right thing for SS. I am not his mom. Doesn't mean I don't love him & am proud of him, but to quote my mentor at work, it is what it is.
It is okay to feel that way, it is hard not to, but I would do what's best for his daughter for her big day.
( I keep threatening to have my own special communion before for this next one in April, but my son will be 9 months old so having his mom hammered isn't a real great plan.
Not The Mom
I sure disagree with the attitude your not the mom. If thats the case, than I wouldn't lift a finger any longer toward the steps.
Now there are 2 moms and 1 dad if I read the post correctly, so the daughter will need to understand your dh has chosen not to walk with the bm down the aisle. He already made this clear, just continue to reinforce it to SD. A special day does not mean you get a pass hurt or insult others.
In my case I am lucky
the boys have told me that I am like a second mom. I know that they love me & I love them. I do all the things that I would do if they were my own, but my bond is different with them then with their mothers, just as my bond with their baby brother is different than with them.
That is what I meant by my statement about not being their mother. I do not care for their mother, she does a lot of things that irritates me & things I do not agree with, however she loves her children & is a good mother.
I just think in some cases it is just a natural response for the kids to just want their BM & BD to stand up for them. Now I have very good step kids who do not give attitude or play games. They know that mom is better off with her boyfriend & dad is better off with me. They like their life better this way, not all the gals are in my situation & that can put a different spin on things.
It's been about ten years
It's been about ten years now since my sister's quinceanera so my memory may not be accurate. I think that at her ceremony, she walked down the aisle with her escort--the boy that stands up with her, kind of like a groom. My parents may have walked together down the aisle or were just present in the ceremony. I walked with my cousin. I would ask someone who is more familiar with the custom to clarify but you may be able to avoid this all together if she has to walk with her escort and not her Dad.
at my wedding
my father and step-father BOTH walked me down the aisle. They both raised me, so I wanted them both to escort me. Dad wasn't crazy about it, but he went along with it.