My dearest steptalk friends
A quick note as an update. Things are starting to look up, even though our marriage may be ending.
Btw, my SD 22 is doing very well, she is livinf with her mom with the grandson. Her baby daddy moved back home to another state but they are coparenting very cordially, the little one goes there every 6 or so weeks and stays 2-3 weeks for visits. They arranged CS and custody between them no court. She took a CNA crash course and landed a job at a well known hospital. Im so very proud of her and happy! We stay in touch often
I have started al-anon and reading Codependent no more. Im starting to change and see light at end of the tunnel.
My DH, an alcoholic, continues his spiral, only lasted 4 days sober and started hiding drinks, i told him i no longer eanted to stay married unless he was dead serious about recovery, getting into a program, group and therapy. Guess the bottle matters more. I won't go down with him though. He had been very depressed and when he talked of ending it I called the crisis line and handed him the phone...told him I cant help anymore. He's panicking, guilt tripping as I calmly detach from his own created hell.
Ill always checkin here, but will be focusing on alanon type forums to get myself and young adult sons better. My oldest son continues to be very mentally ill, not much changed,my younger is depressed . I figure if I can climb out I will be better equipped to guide them.
It is true that it's a family disease.
My MIL and DH remain no contact, we found out she was at hospital recently, diagnosed cirrhosis!! She is not a drinker but unmanaged health and diabetes, especially that SD is not there to care for her after the ship MIL pulled. Sounds cold but hope she didnt change her will so DH has a place to move to soon.
For now roomates, and Im doing me and acting as if he's not here to ask for any help. He had surgery 5 weeks ago and returns to work Monday. Has done maybe a half day of things around the house that entire time! The to do list not even looked at. And they were things he could easily do. Oh well.
Im feeling relieved though to mentally reached this point, because Im healing ME!!
- bananaseedo's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Keep up the good work
I am very impressed by your attitude - you make me think of the poem 'If'. Give it a read and see what you think.
"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,"
is probably something that resounds with a lot of people here.
Kipling. I <3 that poem.
Kipling. I <3 that poem.
Same here. In fact, for many
Same here. In fact, for many years, I had a framed copy of it on my bedroom wall. It seems to have disappeared in our last move.
Will you get another?
Will you get another?
Probably not
Then again, I know it by heart
<3
<3
All the best
You're wise to focus on your healing journey now but I hope you'll still stop by and share wisdom. All the best to you and your family. We are all on the roller coaster of life.
Wishing you all the best,
Wishing you all the best, bananaseedo. Prayers and {{{HUGS}}}
Glad you have decided to take
Glad you have decided to take your life in a new direction. I hope you realize (now) that you can not change OR fix anyone. It is ok to say our goodbyes. Some family members of addicts find themselves still connected to the addict even by a thread, thinking well maybe THIS time I can talk some sense into them. Society these days places a lot of head trips on families from drug addicts to care givers of dementia patients, mentally ill. Sad thing is very few people are equipped to care for them the way they deserve to be.
Congratulations on making your decision, many do not.
Congratulations on investing in your new life adventure and in
saving yourself.
My condolences on your STBXH's dedication to his vices.
Take care of you and your kids.
That's a primary reasonII
That's a primary reasonII left my ex. He was a heavy drinker normally, then I realized afterwards the amount he was hiding. I suspect he was an alcoholic from his early teen years. He hid it well until he couldn't. That and the cheating (he's with her now still). Al-anon was a huge help to me when I was leaving and for a good 6 months afterwards. Find a chapter you like. I went to several before I found the one for me. Good for you! You will be so much happier.
I'm so sorry you know the
I'm so sorry you know the pain of dealing with a professional alcoholic. But I am so glad you're stepping away from his nonending circle of disfunction. Focus foreward and stop back here if you need to vent or get some praise and encouragement!
I am attending my first Al-non meeting
This coming up Thursday . My mother is in rehab right now and is just concentrating on trying to dog hoard instraad of recovery I don't know why they don't take her phone away . She is doing serious damage with it. . Currently all of my siblings and family have her blocked. And I need help myself. I too feel she is not choosing her kids and grandkids but is choosing a toxic unsustainable life without us and I am struggling greatly. I hope Al-non can help me
Thank you all, it's been a
Thank you all, it's been a very rough journey. NoWire, I hope it helps you! They have electronic meetings, pretty much all day/every day- that was my first event, I want to go to one in person, but knowing the county I live in it may have too religious tone to it -but I will still try it, there are 4-5 different groups that meet once a week, so I will try each one to see which one I fit with...but will continue the one I found online on Wed as well.
It's heartbreaking knowing they choose their addiction/bottle over health, their own lives, marriage, relationship with thei children, etc.
Adult stepdaughter
I had been married since 1998 to my husband. He has 2 daughters. They were 9 and 11 when we met. The youngest one and I have always gotten along. The oldest... not si much. I might add that I also have a great relationship and friendship with their mother. Their mother did nit disapline the children.. that was left up to us. The oldest got thrown out of school for drugs and sex in the bathroom. We put her in private school. She was angry about the private school and blamed me. I got her into college and she became successful on her own. She was constantly complaining to her father that she was misunderstood and I was being mean. Fast forward 13 years I divorced their father and moved 500 miles away. 4 years later we got back together. She (the oldest) was not happy. The younger one and I had stayed in contact and was happy we were together again. Older daughter would not see her father if I was present. That changed for a few years.. then I found out that I have Multiple Myloma cancer 4 years ago. We were seeing she, her husband abd 2 children about twice a month. She noticed in the calendar that I had another event marked for a weekend in which they were visiting. She asked if I was sorry that we did t go .. I said that I would have liked to have gone but they we're coming instead so we cancelled. She told her dad that I had hurt her feelings. I apologized. She said she had set her boundaries and never wanted to see me again. Her father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am essentially hus caregiver. He still is able to play golf and socialize but needs me for hus short term memory. She is coming to our town for Fathers Day. She has rented a VRBO for the weekend. She does not want to be around me but wants to see our new home. He wants ne to go to our other home for that weekend. I am tired of all this drama and want him to tell her to stop this nonsense. He's afraid she won't let him see the grandchildren if he dies that. I have apologized 5 or 6 times. I want him to stand up for me...am I wrong?
recommend a separate post
Youve got a lot going on there - I would encourage you to start your own blog post so that you can get the advice you seek on a larger scale..hugs to you
HUGE HUGS
Glad you are on a healthy pathway.
I JUST started my training for a 10k. With cross training, and other things. Drinking doesnt fit into the new regime towards health.
Wishing you well on your journey! Keep us posted (if appropriate for your emotional health)