What if you weren't succumbing to being in the "dog house" and, instead, relished being sent there? Maybe it's a nice dog house with comfy things to lay on and snacks?

That's the triumph over people pleasing: to be impervious to guilt trips.

It sounds like the two of them live to undermine each other and play petty and childish games with each other.

I wouldn't tolerate it - I would say, "I'm not listening to this. Please see a therapist."

My parents have started this stuff recently too! What is in the air??

I just looked at them deadpan and say, get divorced. It worked for me. 

They stop complaining to me LOL

Work with your therapist and come up with a script you repeat EVERY time she starts this crap.  Threaten to end the conversation if she doesn't stop then follow thru.  She baits you easily from what you write.  I get it.  These dysfunctional boomers are real treat.  Eyeroll.  

My parents, who are in their late eighties, have been religiously shunning me since 2004 mostly for "living in sin."   I prefer it that way as they are extremely judgemental.

At that age, they will never ever leave each other so suggesting separation for some bickering isnt even an option...

As we age, we become less tolerant and patient with certain behaviors and we have a tendency to complain a lot more because the filter is gone. Its very possible that your parents now view you as an adult who knows them and to whom they can vent for emotional support or simply a listening ear. Old ppl are very isolated due to friends passing away or simply getting out of the workforce which reduces their social interactions, hence turning to their inner circle to share their complaints/vents/grievances

As we get older, the dynamic between parents and children change. The parents who had an adult life and adult business are now regressing and becoming similar to children/losing their maturity in some ways while we are maturing and entering busier life stages. Its part of life, one day we will be in their shoes and calling our children (for those who have them) or relatives to vent about the dumbest little things including your spouse

Clearly the dynamics of your parents are rooted in control and who has the upperhand. Your mother attempting to control the environment and your father going after her to signify his upperhand

It is also very frustrating to have someone fix/redo everything behind you. I work with someone like that and I have wanted to scream at her to get off my ass and worry about her own job lol...This person will literally go through the trash at my desk and make sure I recycle correctly or look at my post it notes and reorganize them to her liking. She also watches me and asks me "why did you write this?" when I am writing a personal reminder for my notes

These types of ppl are usually seeking power and believe they are the only ppl capable of handling responsibilities. Coincidentally, I have found that many of these personality types have issues with hoarding and clutter as a way to control the space around them and also often use money/tools to leverage power in their relationships

I usually say something neutral along the lines of "oh yes I hear you, marriage is never easy" or "I think it's only natural for two humans living together to be annoyed with each other's habits". 
 

I agree btw that if he wants it washed better/to his liking then just let him do it. It seems she's taking him "redoing" her work as a personal insult. At least he's not trying to force her to do it his way. My DH has occasionally "redone" some of my work (for example revacuuming up the cat hair on the couch). I just think to myself, good if he does a better job then one less thing for me to do.

Not quite the same, but since my father passed away, it seems like my mom is just itching to fight with everyone. She has a comment or a criticism about everything and has lashed out at people...including DH every time she comes to visit. I'm sure some of it is grief, but I also think that because she now no longer has anyone to manage (i.e. my father) she just perseverates on things. She has always had this belief that no one likes her, so she loves to lash out at people whom she perceives as not liking her. I couldn't figure out why she was getting so mad at DH all the time and then she said to me, "I know he loved your father, but he's never liked me." This is because when my father was still alive, DH would call him regularly to talk on the phone. He would also talk to my mother, but he really enjoyed talking to my father. Only someone like my mother could perceive this as DH "not liking" her. There's also some underlying dysfunction with my sister - who cut me off because she is a spiteful person and I was okay with being cut off because we've never had a relationship - that I think my mom blames DH for. It's not his fault, my sister just lost it on me when we got engaged (I think because she's single and of the two of us, she was the one who always wanted to be married). My mother has directed anger that should go towards my sister for "breaking the family" at DH, who had nothing to do with the whole conflict. She also recently lashed out at my aunt by marriage, who has always kind of treated my mother differently, but who didn't deserve to be shouted at, at a family gathering. 

I live across the country from my mother, so the only way for her to see my kids is either for me to fly to see her (no fun with an infant and a toddler) or for her to fly to see us...where she stays in our home...and inevitably fights with DH. After her last visit where she told DH she never wanted to see his face again, she now will say to me, unprompted, "it's not that your DH and I don't get along. We just have a difference of opinion." I just say to her "okay" in a tone that lets her know (or should let her know) that I don't agree, but am not going to pursue the conversation further and let it drop. I tried having a conversation with her about her shouting at DH and she always acts like I'm making something out of nothing. She doesn't know this, but I now don't enjoy talking to her on the phone and dread the thought of her coming to visit, even though I would like her to have a relationship with my children. 

My one goal in life is to work through all of my own $h!t so I don't subject my daughter to any of this dysfunction when I'm old. Why do women seem to become so mean and angry when they get old? 

My sister just noped out of the whole situation and keeps both my parents at arms length.  I understand it....but that leaves me to deal with them.

Time for you to follow your sister's exampe and nope out of the whole situation.  You are choosing to deal with them and their failure as adults and spouses.   Be close with them sure. But... do not let them use you as their dumping ground.

Stop that.

Your answer to your mom was exactly right. It is not fair that she is attempting to get you to be her ally against your father.

My mom went through a bit of this phase when she was in her early 30s and she and my dad were in a rough patch after about 15-ish years of marriage. I was in my early to mid teens.  She would cry and complain about how she was not happy, etc...   

It was extremely uncomfortable for me.  She was using me as her confidante.  Both of my parents are amazing people and so good together. They married when mom was 17 and dad was 19. I was born when mom was 19 and dad was 21.

During that time I approached my dad with concerns that they might divorce. He assured me that even if they did divorce that he would take care of my mom and that they both loved my brother and I very much.  I think dad sat own with mom to align on my concerns and that I had spoken with him.   Mom and I went to lunch not long after that and she appologized for inappropriately engaging me in her unhappiness.  She told me that she is my mom and I am not her GF or therapist.   It was a very tear filled lunch for both of us.

Meanwhile nearly 46-ish years later and back at the ranch... mom and dad are still great together. In two weeks, they will will have their 61st anniversary.

Be good to you Halo.