I was a SK who was (from SDad's probable viewpoint) a spoiled little girl who developed into a sullen rebellious teen.  Years later,  I became the  SM of 3.  I'm 78 now so I have seen it all.  To answer:

1.  We all matured and they accept me well enough now. It varies by individual so OSS who always got along with me is still fine.  YSS is still reserved.  SD still resents me altho tries to hide it.  

2.  Anger decreased as they matured and moved out.

3.  Counseling helped me immensely.  I was overwhelmed by guilt, anger and many negative emotions before that. 

4.  "Do I wish I had changed my behavior?"  DH and I have discussed this.  We know we made many mistakes and in a perfect world, we'd have done better with each of the 5. But, we both tried our best every day.  We were hanging on by our fingrrnails, trying to cope with all 5 of them, 2 dysfunctional deadbeat exes, his demanding job and no help from grandparents or anybody else.

5.  I'd tell a new SP to stay close with their spouse, make sure they're on the same page and just hold on.  If things go south, get some counseling, either joint or individual.

It's not easy but it can work if both the SP and bio parent are mature adults with a commitment to the marriage.

1) I found that the issues never went away, they just ebbed and flowed depending on where the skids were in their own lives. 

2) My anger was commensurate with the amount of exposure and toxicity - milestones like weddings, births and deaths seemed to ramp up the dysfunction.

3) Yes, I completely lost myself in foolishly trying to fix OPP (other people's problems) and their generational trauma. I was both arrogant and desperate for acceptance. Eediot.

4) Heck yes! I wish I'd started out from a place of disengagement, left my DH's baggage up to him, and focused more on myself.

5) Probably not much, RUN maybe? A lot of new SPs find themselves in bad step situations because they have their own issues and have ignored red flags; Fix Your Picker, and Slow Down! are also good pieces of advice, but I doubt most would listen.

Has a son and daughter and her partner has 2 daughters and 1 son. The eldest daughters and sons are similar ages. The youngest sd my cousin reckons had adhd but parents didn't want her diagnosed.
I asked her early on how she blended because we have so many issues and she said it took time and she read somewhere it can take 7 yrs to blend properly but st is testament to that not being the case.

1: i met ss when he was 14 and i married his dad when he was 15.5, had our first kid when he was 17.5 and our 2nd kid when he was almost 19. He has started interacting with our kids even though we live in different countries as my husband works o/seas so we do plenty of flying back and forth. 
sd's were pas'd out and had cut off all contact for 5.5 yrs with their dad over lies their mum made. They have no empathy and are not apologetic for ending that relationship and instead have gaslit and guilted my husband for marrying and having kids with me. They have not taken responsibility for the fact that their behaviour and actions are why hubby has a better relationship with us than them. I and my 2 kids have not had any contact with sd's since late 2018.

sad thing is eldest sd already had a boyfriend when she cut off contact with her dad and when she reconnected but somehow expected my husband to show the same level of nurturing and intimacy he shows to me and our 2 young kids which is absurd. Why not focus on the intimate relationship with your bf and settling down??

2: i am now 4.5 yrs no contact with sd's, nothing about them has changed. My husband has made it clear to them since early 2020 that they made a choice to burn the bridges of any relationship with us and therefore he will not do the split family outing bs anymore. The limited time he has on weekends etc, he wants to spend with all of us but since sd's motive is to sabotage every outing, disrespect us and ensure we are made to feel unwelcome and not wanted, hubby will not ruin our outings, holidays etc with their presence. That they have to own their actions and behaviours and that means alone time. It also means they do not come on the yearly holiday to Australia because again they have made sure that we are not family and therefore have no business enjoying a holiday paid for by hubby.

i had stopped being present at the skid outings because of sd's behaviour which affected my intimacy with my husband already 9 months and sd's still found a way to blame us for why daddy didn't prioritise time with them. They consistently cancelled any outings with hubby last minute or never informed him at all which made hubby not want to waste his precious time on them.

ss has started being friendly with our kids especially my son even though they have a 19 yr age gap, he still took time to assemble his train tracks, let him play his ps5 etc. he has started being inclusive and therefore my kids only recognise him as their brother. They also feel sad that his mum disowned him in the divorce yet acts like she's mother of the year.

3: I didn't do counselling, alot of venting has been on st and i was so lucky to come across this page about 3.5 yrs into my marriage dealing with skid nonsense. Also me and my husband are very direct people. We don't sugarcoat stuff. If i am angry about skid behaviour or how he is treating me, i will not sugarcoat stuff. We are able to vent to one another when we've reached boiling point and this has meant when hubby realise how big he had stuffed up, he'd come home from work knowing how badly he stuffed up and would sit down with me upstairs in our bedroom to talk things out. 
having that open communication is necessary and not living in delusional lala land. I deal with facts, if hubby and his family want to imaging sd's are great people, i hit back with facts of what we have been expected to endure which is unfair and unacceptable. That reels hubby in. Also, my husband has acknowledged that cowtowing to skid bs behaviour and excuses at our expense never wins because he will lose us and if our marriage ends, hubby knows he'd be all alone so pushing me further from him is of no benefit to him. Its meant he has told his adult kids from ex what the hierarchy is and eldest sd's belief she is far superior to me is not on, that hubby does not care what goes on in biomum and affair stepdads life, his committment is to me and our kids as they are adults working to independence and settling down. 

i knew as a person I didn't deserve to have to tolerate toxic dysfunction because hubby made a poor choice in his previous egg donor breeding partner and hubby knew and openly admitted he wasted 16 yrs being married to ex and so was committed to a fresh start and having kids with me was a natural progression of our marriage/relationship and assured me that toxic cycle of dysfunction ended with his divorce. That means its been easier to reel him in when that dysfunction is affecting our marriage/relationship and raising our kids. 

4: i wish i stood up for myself much earlier but all too common we keep the peace for the sake of our spouses/partners till it builds up to exploding point. Making my husband responsible and accountable for the toxic crap would have been much easier. Hubby naively believe everything would gel into place but it didn't. Then he forgot his promise to take care of me and love me and he surely wasn't doing that when all these skid issues popped up till post partum depression kicked in and i had enough. Being 3-4 yrs into our marriage before hubby had to be accountable meant he could make excuses, made it harder for him to take that first step and address skid issues.

5: marriage always comes first!! Families broke up because of cheating partners, abusive/narc exes, dysfunctional and toxic relationships and kids of that marriage/relationship know that as normal and will often continue that toxic cycle of dysfunction into their marriages and relationships. They need to see a husband and wife committed to one another, to raising kids together and what normal respect is. Otherwise they lack any moral compass to guide them. Now they may be so far lost that its a lost cause, but they need to know the world doesn't revolve around them too

Want there family back together.  They want there life to be the old way. They want two adults making them the most important thing in the world.  As, when there parents are married together.

When divorced,  there other people in there parents life who are getting the attention.  BP are creating a life where SK don't play a major role in it.  New partner wants  alone time. With there lover, SK don't fit in.  They want to go on a couple weekend not the zoo   
SP. never works out. Nobody wants to deal with another persons kids.  CS is late, short, you are supporting SK and they are telling you off.  
I supported my SD from two to 19. Because her BF wasn't in the picture,  too busy, drinking,  now she doesn't talk to us.  All the effort, went to nothing.  When they are not your bios, not your blood there nothing you can do.  You feel like a ATM half the time .

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

Not at all. DH's kids continued with the same behaviors; some already in adulthood and two teens when we met. All adults now. 2018 was the year they struck a blow that devestated me and I haven't seen them since. Spent that time healing and now I'm strong enough and prepared for future encounters. 

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

My anger and bitterness almost killed me. Today, after learning how to properly cope, I have no anger. Ocassional sadness of what could have been but that's about it.

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

I literally LOST myself in StepHell. It took two years of intense counseling and self work to get through the damage they did. In the end, a lot of good came from that as I healed a lot of childhood trauma that was impacting me through SK behaviors and treatment.

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

Definitely. I wish I'd found this board and understood true disengagement. I wish I'd known that no good goes unpunished in StepHell...that no amount of goodness directed at SKs would change anything for me or how they treated me. Today, I am where I need to be. I'll be seeing one of DHs kids next week...the one that did the last "event." Civil and superficial is my stance. DH will be entertaining them, cooking and cleaning. I'm making myself scarce. 

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

They are NOT your kids. They have two parents....or if one is passed away, still have one parent. You aren't it and don't expect it. If you are one of the few that is accepted into the fold, be grateful but always careful to not overstep (whatever that is...SMH). Let your DH and the BM parent their kids, do for their kids, etc. If they are kind to you, by all means, help out. But if not, stay out and disconnected.

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

My Skid (SS-30) always accepted me. He really did not have a choice. I am his dad. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.  I raised him as my own. When his mom and I chose to become equity life partners, we agreed that we would be equity parents to any children in our marriage regardless of kid biology. As it worked out, SS is an only child in your marriage. He is the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock by 3 different baby mamas for his Spermidiot.

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

My anger was never an issue other than toward the SpermClan. That shollow and polluted gene pool pulled so much toxic crap toward our son that his mom and I made it our goal to keep them pummelled into submission.  We did a pretty decent job of protecting our son from people who were suppossed to be trust worthy and worthy of love and respect but insisted on plying PAS toward our son to demonize his mom and I, lied to him about so many things, tried to convince SS that it was his fault that his three younger half sibs did not have the nice things, life, and opportunities that his mom and I provided for our son, etc...

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

Nope.   At least not in relation to my  blended family life.

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

Though I have had a few periods where I felt regret over some decisions in parenting and in maintaining a tight rein on the SpermClan, I never changed my behavior because invariably THEY showed repeatedly that my choices were entirely appropriate to keep them under control.  My bride and I partnered in protecting our son. That was one of our primary responsibilities being his parents.

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

Set boundaries with clear and enforced standards of behavior and standards of performance  for your Skids, your own children, and your partner. Make your marriage and your partner the uncontest top priority for yourself and your mate.  Kids are not and should not be the priority. Kids are the top marital responsibility, not the priority.

My DW and I will celebrate our 29th anniversary this summer. Our son (my former SS-30) is a man of honor, character and performance in his life and career.  We are proud of the man we raised.  He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.  I am his dad.

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

My steps were young adults when DH and I married. SD cried when DH told her he was going to marry me. SHE was going to take care of him in his old age and he couldn't possibly really love me. I had a serious mini-wife problem. And DH was friend-parent to SS, so neither of them really saw their Dad as an actual parent. It felt like a competition for his attention, and of course DH loved that. Eventually I stopped playing and DH could treat me as his partner all the time, or not at all.

The skids are generally civil and polite, and DH has stopped pushing me to the side when they want his attention. We're in a pretty good place right now, although both kids are in huge denial about their father's aging/chronic illness and the difficulties that come with that.

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

Once I learned disengagement and practiced it, my anger lessened. I didn't cause the problems, couldn't fix them, and wouldn't live in the chaos or other people's decisions. Anger still bubbles up when I am purposefully excluded or DH reverts to jumping on command.

I mentioned DH's aging. I AM angry that neither kid has visited their father since before COVID. He is still expected to visit them, a two-day car trip or a long day of flights. Travel is out of the question for him at the moment, and I AM angry about their lack of apparent concern. Oh, wait, SS was going to drive in last time DH was hospitalized to "set the doctors straight." But he didn't. He could use their company NOW, but they won't. I don't know why, and some days it takes a lot of energy not to ask DH about it. My life is calmer without them, but my heart breaks for DH. I can't fix that, but that doesn't mean I don't want to.

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

After I disengaged I embraced my Queen status and enforced it with DH. If I didn't protect and look out for myself,  my comfort, and my safety, who would? DH just did what he always did -- whatever his kids told him to, and if I went along with it he assumed all was fine because he didn't know otherwise. There was turmoil when I started to object and set boundaries, but ultimately our lives are more peaceful now.

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

Yes, absolutely. I got caught up into "winning them over." Spent way too much money and time on it. I'm a nice person. Most people like me. Surely if I just tried harder they would eventually like me too. That was just naivete on my part. I don't  need their approval.

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

If something feels off, it probably is. Explore that. Don't fall into societal traps of what a stepparent "should" be--women especially seem to have expectations put upon them even by their own partners and families for somehow blending the new family, but not too much. For loving somebody else's kids, but not too much. For being a good influence, but not too much. It's impossible to meet expectations of other people--don't carry that guilt. Be a good PARTNER. Expect that your partner be a good partner to YOU. Learn how to communicate with your partner, and don't tolerate gaslighting. Set and enforce reasonable boundaries.

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

CLA: SD24 Feral Forger has only gotten worse over time. She might have some level of mental illness, however she always had a touch of mini-wife and has hated me (both overtly and covertly) for a long 8 years. SD16 Power Sulk has gotten worse as shes gotten older, largely due to laziness and Toxic Troll BM influence. We started out great and now - well I think that was an illusion. I just stay out of her way and we are civil towards each other.

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

CLA: It decreased as I disengaged more and more.

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

CLA: Currently working on this, and its going quite well!

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

CLA: I would definitely have disengaged and not try to over-please so much. I was the "fill in" and spent money and time on people that really dont consider me.

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

CLA: Read up here on Steptalk and other forums that are REAL. And not the sugar-coated therapy "the kids always come first" sites. Those are all BS.

This is the 2nd marriage for both my DH and I. He has 2 sons and I have 2 daughters and 1 son. I was delusional when DH and I first married.  All our kids were college-age (5 kids between 33 and 39 years old now) and I truly envisioned a well-blended Brady Bunch family. (your question #4 – I would have entered the situation without the fantasy) Many truths came to light as time went on.  One of them was my DH’s ex-wife told her sons she’d ‘be back’ but wanted to experience some freedom before returning to their father.  In other words, she wanted to sleep around and rent an apartment and, when she was done pretending to be 20 years old again, she’d be back.  My DH wasn’t going to stand for that, and he filed for divorce.  She claims to this day he forced her into a divorce.

To your #1 question: My oldest SS has always resented the fact that I meet his father, fell in love with him and then married him. I became the reason why his disgusting pig of a mother couldn’t go back to his father.  My DH made it clear he would never take her back. I had nothing to do with the divorce.

On top of this, my DH never had a close relationship with either of his boys. He claims he did but if that were true he’d be closer with them now.  He doesn’t see them unless I invite them over.

The OSS is priggish, condescending, narcissistic, misogynistic, and racist, to boot.  I find him to be a vile human being.  My DH sees this son as a salt of the earth type that would “give you the shirt off your back if you asked for it”.  Truly, he is a selfish, self-important prick. Whatever.

I will never like his oldest son and I’m not holding my breath until his son has any regard for me.

To your #2 question: It is what it is.  I’ve disengaged from the OSS and his family.  The responsibility for the relationship between DH and his sons is THEIR responsibility; not mine.  

To your #3 question: I have no problem setting boundaries or speaking up when they are crossed. If they respect me, I respect them.  If they don’t, I will set them straight.

If your steps don’t want to do the work, let it/them go.  Don’t allow them to steal your happiness.

To your question #5: I wouldn’t have married the 2nd time if I knew it was going to be so difficult to blend a family.  Truly, I wouldn’t have.  When you fall in love with someone, it clouds reality.  I would have lived together and allowed both of us to understand what we got into before making it legal.

I will never remarry again.

Best of luck to you!

Everything will have an exception, but here is my situation and what I have learned.

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

My SDs turned 18 when BD came flying into the picture after I raised them and began throwing money around. They could not get his money without hating us. Suddenly being gone for 3 years was our fault. With my oldest, it really messed me up because I thought I was close to her and the stuff she could easily accuse me of without any remorse was the first time I had dealt with a personality like that. By the time my two youngest were 16, I could see the writing on the wall and was emotionally prepared. It gets easier for me as they got older, however, it gets harder for me to see my wife get cut out of being a grandmother.

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

It ebbs and flows for me because it is still fresh. With my oldest, I don't care and am completely disconnected and she can no longer hurt me. For the other three, I still have flare-ups. The more I disengage it helps, but it is hard to see my wife go through it.

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

After my first SD, I got much stronger. I handle things better and my value is not tied up in them. I got more strength from my Faith and finding others who had gone through something similar. Having someone be able to finish your sentences because they know how you feel is helpful and helps you process it.

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

I wish I would have never gotten close to them or helped them financially. Their dad had plenty of money and only uses it when it benefits him. I wish when they wanted something I would have stuck to the phrase "Go ask your dad". If I had done that, then it would have exposed him more. Looking back I gave too much to them which meant I took too much from my biological children.

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

Set standards in your home and don't deviate. Love them as much as you can, but don't feel guilty that it will be a different type of love for your own children. If they do not love you back, then try not to take it personal and enjoy your life.

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

At times I believe they got worse. I always hoped that as they aged they would see through BM's lies but it went the other way. As SD aged she became a clone of BM. SS is a bit better but time did not change the essential things at all. 

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?  My anger and upset definitely decreased a lot but only because I learned the hard way to disengage completely. I went into this step parent thing with the 'Brady Bunch' mentality so my expectations were very high. The reality was so different. If I were speaking to my younger self I would advise getting a couples therapist from day one and perhaps even co-parenting classes. 

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what? I got more strength the more I disengaged and learned to ignore the insults, the hurt and the constant drama. I also found that I had to pull myself up to a height that told the world and the skids, DH and BM that I would not tolerate disrespect. 

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what? Oh absolutely. I would have educated myself more on what being a step parents means. Perhaps if I had researched and learned more I may have even said No thanks and moved on with my life before committing to DH so much.  We all think that everything is going to be fine for US because we are special LOL but the reality is that step parenting is stressful beyond normal parenting stress. I would have gone into it with my eyes a little more open instead of thinking I was Mrs. Brady.

 5. What would you say to a new step-parent? Read as much as you can, talk to a therapist, consider the risks to your sanity and perhaps even the damage that you can bring not only to your own bio children but also step children. There were times when I did not act like a nice person to the skids, they would bring out the worst in me. I know I didn't handle it all very well sometimes. Our relationship was better when I disengaged as in, we really don't have a relationship at all. I tried hard to offset BM's brain washing but did not handle that well. She and I went to battle and in the end, no one was better off. 

The questions are not meant to be intrusive at all, so please don't feel you have to answer them. It's more normalising the feelings around step-parenting. 

For each of us we have to ask ourselves how much do we love this partner/spouse and do we want to have our lives turned upside down. Communication with your partner is key. Parenting on the same wave length. I know looking back that I could never have won a battle where I was outmanned and outgunned. If I knew that in advance would I have allowed myself even go there?

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

While they were younger it was easier.  As they got older got harder and harder.  Their BM had an incredibly difficult relationship / second marriage.  That ended in 2nd  divorce.

Kids blame us for everything bad that has happened. we dont speak to two of them now.

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

Anger increased a lot Im 18 years in.  When I hit 40 decided enough was enough. Disengaged im a lot less angry now.  Dissapointed would be a better word.

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

My guilt has never gone away.  Therapy has helped.  Learning to believe in myselfworth.

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

Yes, if I was to get the same outcome as I have now, honestly I wouldnt have bothered trying with any of them.  Would have just been civil as and when necessary.

I spent a lot of energy trying to put a square peg in a round hole.  Would have put that energy into me my DH and DD

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

Set boundrys, stick to it. Dont allow your self to be miss treated.

The questions are not meant to be intrusive at all, so please don't feel you have to answer them. It's more normalising the feelings around step-parenting. 

Good luck with your journeys everyone x

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

They were "adults" when I met DH.

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

At first, like many here, I tried with all my heart to make us a family and show my love and devotion to DH, but he was so heavily enmeshed with them that my furstration and anger increased, but I didn't let it fully consume me. They've done some very wrong things legally, financially, morally and ethically. My anger is justified.

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

My entire "sense of self" was swallowed up. I did nothing for myself, went nowhere without him, gave everything I have to give, and still, all this hell happened. Now, I've adopted a new attitude. If it costs me my peace, I can't afford it. If it doesn't bring me joy, add value or have equity, I do not invite it into my life. If something brings me joy, or puts a smile on my face, I do it. I'm a selfless person, so it's been very hard not doing as much for him as I used to, but I AM NUMBER ONE NOW.

I have no reason to feel guilt. I had to do what I had to do to protect myself, because it was very clear DH was in their corner. I've become stronger than I ever knew I could be. I never knew my own strength until all this mess.

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

The only thing I wish I could've changed was my dedication and efforts to try to "fit in" and be a "family" because they just used me and took advantage of all I did. I had no idea what I didn't know about my own marriage. Once I learned it was easier to change my behavior and try to self-love and put myself in first place instead of DH and his happiness.

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

Run as if your life depends on it, because it DOES!

1. Did you find that the issues you had with your step-kids not really accepting you get better/worse/same as they matured into adults?

I married my DH when our children were all adults, so I never dealt with young stepchildren. For SD1, it's about the same. She is now married with kids so that has helped. The SD2-much worse. If you read my prior posts, you will see the downward progression.  

2. Did you find your anger increased/decreased/stayed the same/fluctated (but with a general increase) as time (after 5 years) went on?

SD1-stayed the same then decreased after she married and had kids. She matured. SD2-increased immensely because of her behaviors-narcissitic tendencies; self-centered; selfish.

3. Did your own sense of self get more diluted as time went on, or did you get more strength, and from what?

My sense of self got diluted and I questioned my feelings many times because I wanted us all to get along.  Finally I told myself to stop playing the games and stand up for what I believe in and what I was feeling deep inside. I confronted my DH and explicily let him know how I felt. Communication with your DH is key in all circumstances. 

4. Do you wish you had changed your own behaviour earlier... if so, to what?

Yes I wish I would have stood my ground sooner, but didn't want to appear "not nice" or " not understanding". Listen to your gut. It never lies. 

5. What would you say to a new step-parent?

You need to establish ground rules with your partner. I do not know an answer for step children still living at home. As adults, you have more freedom to distance yourself from a toxic relationship or more freedom to embrace a loving relationship. I dislike drama; I dislike self centered people; I dislike manipulators and stepdaughters can be VERY manipulative with their fathers-giving you fair warning. I don't think a stepmother ever wins in the eyes of stepkids, especially girls, no matter the circumstances. (at least not in my case) but I don't have stepsons, so I can't answer for that. 

I wish you well-sometimes I wish I had never married again when the drama erupts, but my hubby is truly a kind, giving man (to a fault!) who only sees the good in people. He and I do have a wonderful life-we both bring different personalities to the marriage and it seems like striking a balance is key.