OT - How did she do it?
Mom99 and I were reviewing some genealogy material today. My great-grandmother had 11, yes eleven, children, one every two years like clockwork starting in 1898. Nine survived. I am stunned, how did people do it back in the day? I was just barely hanging on with my 2 and DH's 3.
My great-gps were just regular people, farmers, low income. How in the world did they do it?
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Probably
Because somewhere along the line, the western world became "child centric" instead of children, from birth being taught they are "cogs in the family wheel. " Children were expected to pitch in from toddlerhood. Adult authority was absolute. Back talk was NOT tolerated and each successive child was taught the family rules. Obedience was reinforced by the older siblings as well and everyone knew their role in society.
TBH I think this "old fashioned" system was far superior to what we have today and worked for centuries when life was truly difficult yet generations somehow managed.
An example in modern times would be the Amish.
I agree, some things were better.
Eh some not so much. I raised mine in-between. A funny example that recently occurred with my own grandchildren was I had set out some delicacies for "adults" only. Special pastries I had paid a fortune for and cookies for the kids. Even with teaching there's always that one kid that thinks they're special. So special kid immediately goes for delicacies and gets told "those are for adults" this kid looks me in the eye and said "it's ok my mom said I could" uhhhh nope kids get cookies if your mom wants to give you hers that's fine but you aren't helping yourself kid ... One of my four boys although taught NOT to order drinks on our rare restaurant visit always would try to "uhmm I'll have an orange juice" no you won't. The other boys would always give him a hard time because he did this from age 2-12 with us never relenting, but occasionally the waitress would take pity on him and bring what he asked for so he was rewarded, when he got older he would bring his own money to buy his 3-4$ drink.
I'm guessing by the time the
I'm guessing by the time the first got to be about 6.. (and the kids after).. they were expected to watch their younger siblings.
The parents also probably raised a majority of their food.. or at least a good portion of it. Clothing was probably hand made.. and much less of it per kid.. probably a few outfits max. (handed down too! do kids even know what that is these days?) They also probably made other things like soap.. and cut their own wood for their wood stoves..
it was a much more subsistence way of life.. day to day life was about making your basic needs be met.. there was less about bulding wealth.. keeping up with the jones's etc.. and everyone was pitching in according to ability..
obv... divorce was less common.. working outside the home for women.. again uncommon. There are plus and minus for those things.. would we be happier in some ways going back to that? maybe in some ways.. but we all are mostly able to live a life that is beyond just "living to survive".. to being able to enjoy things beyond that..
I agree with the above posts.
I agree with the above posts. Kids today are hard to deal with because parents are expected to wait on them, entertain them, clean up after them, and "grin and bear it" when the kids display annoying behavior. The way parents were back then would be considered child abuse today.
All of the above, and as for
All of the above, and as for the absence of divorce, I would add that while it was frowned upon, statistically speaking, I believe the facts bear out that women too often died in childbirth and those who survived often became widows. We live longer today which is why divorce seems more necessary. LOL
AND
B/c there were virtually zero divorces and the previous bio parent had assumed room temperature....the new stepparent didn't have to deal with the drama from a living ex spouse.
Yeah, the whole kids bouncing
Yeah, the whole kids bouncing back and forth between homes thing is relatively new. I suspect time will show that it isn't good for kids. And i say that as a parent of kids who were 50/50 for years. The constant communicating and coparenting, the back and forth, the competition between houses, etc. The effect a very present ex has on new relationships/households and the ensuing drama. It can't be good for kids to be raised in that chaos.
I have 2 cousins, brothers born about 10 years apart. Same 2 bioparents but the parents got married and lived together just before the second was born. The older one was shuffled around and he is pitiful. 3 kids by 3 women, can't keep a job. The younger was raised with the stability of living in one house. He is married with kids, doing well, good job despite no formal post high-school education.
I tried to give my kids as much stability as possible despite the divorce but i can't deny that there has been some damage. When i got divorced 13 years ago, everyone was like "just do 50/50, it's the best for everyone!" If i knew then what i know now, i would still get divorced (there was abuse), but i would have been a lot more mindful of ways to mitigate the damage done by going back and forth between houses (stricter routine for one.)
Sadly more and more states are making 50/50
The standard!!! I get it if women have worked all the kids life but I've met a few young women who were stay at home moms who have been forced into 50/50 custody and they are struggling to figure out juggling jobs and childcare and 3-4 days single parenting.
My grandfather had 11
My grandfather had 11 siblings, 10 of them lived to adulthood. My other grandparents each had 4 siblings, which is still a lot of kids by today's standards lol. Both of my parents have 3 siblings.
I think a lot of the mental/emotional labor of raising children that we have today simply didn't exist for most people 75-100 years ago. I can't tell you how much time I spend agonizing over my parenting decisions. Am I doing what's best for her? Is she on the right track? Is she happy and fulfilled? Am I setting her up for a successful life? I think my grandparents and their parents probably stopped at 'is my child alive?' I'm half joking, but honestly sometimes I look back at how my parents parented me, and I realize that they didn't put half as much thought into what they were doing as I do when it comes to my kid. Not that they didn't love me, they just didn't think of parenting as an intentional act that has to be carefully considered on a regular basis. And they certainly didn't believe that every child needs an individualized approach.
All that to say, it would be a hell of a lot easier to raise a ton of kids if you weren't worried about much beyond keeping them alive.
People went hungry, regularly
People went hungry, regularly. In fact, food stamps became a thing in 1939 when the military found that 40% of WW2 recruits couldn't serve because they were suffering from malnutrition.
Complaining about dinner is a first world problem. People have forgotten to be grateful to be fed, housed, warmed, and educated. All luxuries.