DH and travel
So DH loves to travel, as do I. I however have had more difficulty doing so in my life due to $$ and jobs where I could actually take a good chunk of time off were few. However, now I could but my elderly cat with kidney disease is going against two vet prognosis and is still happy and healthy (you wouldn't know he was sick if you saw him) 4 months after his predicted decline and end of life. He is on several weekly meds that are easy, but also gets fluids 2x per week and does NOT do well left alone for more than a night. He's a happy senior cat who loves his people. So I cannot travel extensively until we say goodbye to him.
DH is chomping at the bit to travel. He took a 2 week trip in December, just before the holidays with my agreement. He's now wanting to plan another trip to visit his family and a place I really, really want to go. But I cannot plan. I told him, after he gave me his "woe is me" speech about HIS lack of travel in the last 3 years, to just shut it, and just go. Freaking just go - no song and dance because I ALSO am stuck.
He started getting angry at me for being a little PO'd but I told him that after allllllll the years with the SDs, and all the cancelled, postponed forever or trips to places we simply couldn't go without them were not done I have ZERO empathy for him. I had to spend years waiting for HIM to be ok to travel because of those girls and I could give two EFFS what he thinks of poor him right now.
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Gee. Call the whaaaaaa mbulance
Poor kitty needs his people. Nuff said.
I would so not be ok with husband traveling unless I could too.
There is always a double
There is always a double standard. When the kids are minors and you disagree with the bio-parent your hit with a "you wouldn't understand" or "it's for the children" because those phrases are hard to argue with and it gets them what they want, you giving in.
But now when HE should really understand your situation, you'll get the "this is different." Because it affects him now on the other side.
He is throwing a fit because when he got his way by playing the step kid card it was because he thought his wants and needs were more important than yours. Now when you are trying to play an Uno reverse of the exact same card (You need to work your vacations around someone you love) it's not working because he still considers what his wants to be more important than what you want.
And that there is the essence of the double standard. People manipulate you into playing a game with rules that only you have to follow because in the end it's rigged for them to win every time.
Presto!
Double standard-o!
Exactly - which is what I was
Exactly - which is what I was telling him last night. I told him, if you want to go, then go. Don't discuss it to death with me or use the "pity me" for not travelling like I'd like to card, well, buddy SAME SAME.
However, on his side is his step-dad, who he's pretty close to, is aging and has had some health issues and he wants to see him while he's still fairly active (although not like he used to be). So I'd be ok with him going for THIS reason only, and not an extended 2 week trip.
Yes, DH can be selfish absolutely.
Lord what a double standard!
Lord what a double standard! My DH used to get all uppity about us going on trips and my limited amount of leave. I told him I have to share my leave with two other people (BS and BD) so I am using leave for three people while he never has to. On top of that his job has allowed him to telework so he could have foot surgery and be off for 6 weeks and not have to worry about leave. After I pointed those things out to him he shut his mouth and hasn’t bitched since.
I am a new cat owner
My teen came home with a kitten. She works at TGIFridays and found one by the dumpster dirty, crying, covered in fleas and now I have the Baroness Kitty Von Witty! WE got her in summer so she's not even a year old yet but I have an awful time traveling for weekends. Even when I leave her with a great pet sitter, I'm just an anxious ball of nerves.
I own a vacation house where I am most weekends that I don't work and she isn't declawed and there is leather furniture there. I wasn't ever going to take her but this feeling I have when I leave her is so bad that now I just take her. But it's only like a 40 min drive. The neighbors there are a husband and wife veterenarian team and they saw her looking out the window. They said, "Cats don't like to travel and they don't like new places. I am surprised she isn't hiding under the bed." Well she never did hide.. She is like, "Wow! I have two houses. I like having two houses to explore" and now she doesn't even cry in the car heading over there and gets mad when we arrive back at the primary house. But next month my third daughter turns 14 and wants to go to Megacon in Orlando and it's a four day con. I will again be an anxious ball of nerves worrying about Kitty Witty missing her family. When we go somewhere for a couple of days and get back, she wraps her paws around our forearms. We go on a cruise this summer for my daughter's highschool graduation present. I too want to travel!!! It's this bad for me with a young fur baby. I can only imagine how bad it'll be in the senior years. I am probably going to have to pay for some expensive wifi package so I can facetime with the cat so I can enjoy the cruise. Giant hugs.
I had a kitty soul-mate who I
I had a kitty soul-mate who I adopted as a kitten and moved him across the country with me 4 times. He became a pro at long car rides and would chill in the seat next to me, paws stretched out, no worries in the world...sometimes they just get used to it and you can take them places. I have friends who take their cats camping and hiking on little leashes. I also was a flight attendant and would be gone for 4 days sometimes, and when I came home he would go absolutely wild he was so excited, doing zoomies back and forth on the couch.
I think it's great you take her with you on the wknds and cats don't always hate it! It will be much easier if you can find someone she can stay with while you are gone, or vice versa. At least you'll know she isn't alone. Our neighbor comes and checks on ours now and spends time with them when we travel which makes it much easier.
A former cat of mine, I
A former cat of mine, I called her the queen of the house, she and I were very, very bonded. I took her on many trips, she was a great traveler. As long as I was there she was calm. I had to have family members take her for about a year due to schooling schedule and that was horrible. But we were never apart again.
My baby boy here is jusy a real teddy bear come to life. No way I want him to suffer in any way.
I'm so sorry about your cat.
I'm so sorry about your cat. If it were my dogs I would do the same. If DH visits places without you go to those places with friends when the time is right.
Not so fun, is it DH?
Before I even got to your last paragraph, I was outraged, thinking, but what about all the times you couldn't do things because of skids? I absolutely know how you feel and of course it's not ideal, but it's also awful to leave a senior cat who has health problems. I actually was on a trip and had a roommate at the time, who text me my cat was peeing on my bed. My cat would NEVER. I knew something was wrong but couldn't get home any earlier- when I got home I immediately knew he was sick. I got him into the emergency vet, but he didn't make it through the wknd. I was gutted and even though this came on suddenly and he wasn't sick when I left, the guilt I feel for not being there and taking him in sooner is awful.
DH can calm the F down and take his turn at waiting, because you have done more than your share.
Yeah, just over a year ago we
Yeah, just over a year ago we lost his sister, baby girl, three or four days after we got back from a trip (my mom's 80th bday). I knew something was very wrong before we left and when we got back it was clear she was very ill. Very heartbreaking. Won't do that again.
It's the worst
I'm sorry, I know the feeling. I hope your little guy now has the best life until it's his time.
A classic tit for tat. Or... SKid for cat.
Pun ntended.
It appears that both you and DH are more interested in punishing each other than living a life together. First using the SKid, now using the aging cat.
IMHO you both need to knock it off before you cause your life together irreparable harm.
The Skids are gone. Taking a vacation won't hurt the Cat.
While I have had several incredible pets who were part of the family, they are not people. People trump pets. No matter how special or how big a part of the family a pet may be.
Prioritize each other and your relationship. It is long past time to start living the life you want together. IMHO that is true regardless of how lone a couple has been together and regardless of the blended family make up and dynmics.
IMHO.