When they bring the drama or help BM bring the drama, it's great to be on the other side of that.  Not having skids in your life when they are like yours or mine is good.  DH had to grieve that loss but the peace is worth it.  Yes life is easier and the affect it's had on our health is worth it.  

Yes, my life is much better without the skids, inlaws, and the dysfunction they brought. While this isn't the outcome I wanted, it's what's healthy. Like yours, my DH was never really parent material and probably shouldnt have had kids. The relationship we had with skids was completely transactional and one sided, so our life didn't change a whole lot aside from getting over the sense of loss.

It is wonderful while they are gone, even though you feel bad for the parent. Unfortunately, they always come back.

Do you remember PigPen from the Peanuts cartoon? SS (34??) is like that--he brings his own grubby cloud with him everywhere.

DH used to feel obligated to put any and all visitors up in our place. Took me awhile, but I finally convinced him that it's much better all around when out-of-towners get their own separate lodgings. That applies to all visitors--my kids, SS 35 (??) and DH's  brother, whose travels recently brought him into our corner of the globe.

We said good-bye to him yesterday. DH has repeatedly thanked me for being so welcoming and accommodating to the bro. He had lodgings across the street, and fact is, I really enjoyed the visit and was happy to entertain him.

I'm afraid that the next visit from SS 33 (?) will be a different story. It'll be interesting to see how DH reacts to the contrast between the recent bro visit and how it goes with SS (37??) when he finally makes it here again.

Years, I hope.

SD openly hated and disrespected me for 16 years while DH was a doormat for her manipulations, lies, and stealing valuables from our home. One set of silver was mine and very special and irreplaceable. Anything she thought was her granny's was fair game and DH let her housesit! SD broke before I did by becoming pushy about her inheritance. DH smelled a rat and her true feelings toward both of us were revealed. We are NC by her choice. We both feel renewed. Much happier. No more drama and lies. So interesting that my SD works for a butcher shop too--that with a master's degree in sustainability. She is always underemployed to be able to do what she wants when she wants. It is like darkness is out and the light is in. We will never go back--even if she crawls.

While DH I think missed SS somewhat..I do not. The constant chaos he and SD bring is alot. Add in Beaver to the mix..and yep I'm happier at least one thorn in my side is gone.   15 months left for SD.....and yes I'm counting down.  Sadly I think DH is counting down as well.  Even he knows..his kids bring nothing but drama and chaos to our life.

No matter how sure you feel DH will hold the line with SD, there is nothing like adding an "innocent grandchild" into the mix. 

It would not be unheard of for your DH to cave in, especially if SD uses the child as bait to get whatever she wants - money, a place to live, whatever.  Psychologically, I think many of these men look at grandchildren as a way to make up for whatever failings as a parent they may have had. 

Now is the time to seriously discuss with your DH how he envisions his contact with SD if indeed there is a baby on the way. He may say now that he won't change things with SD, but I'd be willing to bet differently. 

I know my own SO has changed once he held that first gkid and IMO he is even more willing to be blinded by SD's shenanigans and b.s. simply because of the innocent kids now involved.  SD spews all kinds of lies and bullcrap about her, her DH, and the kids and my SO doesn't utter a peep. 

Bottom line is parents will always love their kids, and their grandkids. 

I'm disengaged but it's still annoying to watch and overhear. 

My life is 1000% better after leaving my husband and his manchild.  No more stress, no more hostility or passive aggressiveness, no more being last.  NO more being badmouthed by two worthless pieces of sh&t who are unemployed.  I would have to say leaving the step situation was the best decision I have ever made. 

Five years of not seeing or speaking to DH's crew. Three of those years were spent in the throws of mental recovery from me putting up with toxic treatment for 12 years. The last two have been wonderful. When I disengaged, I disengaged. I don't know ANYTHING about DHs kids except what he will, on occasion, tell me.  I have never been connected on social media with DHs kids, even when we were in contact. I do not stalk or search out information about DHs kids. I've got my minimal social media presence locked down well, more so that I don't run across anything they do. My motto...the less I know, the better off I am. DH will only tell me things that may impact me. Other than that, I get zero news. 

My situation is a bit different from yours as DHs kids are still in relation with him. These past years, he's seen them away from our home. So, yeah...they haven't stepped foot in our home in all that time. In these "disengaged" years, DH has had 4 grandchildren arrive, along with two step-grands. We don't discuss his grandkids because of what I consider bigoted and hypocritical behavior by DH and his kids. I was clearly shunned from having any part in DHs grandkids' lives. But when two of his kids got with women who had kids, they automatically crowned him grandpa for those two also. While I no longer am bothered by DH being StepGrandPa (the babies are innocent), I do not get involved. I'm very aware that DHs kids will use their own children as weapons against me, so I don't expose my heart to that possbile hurt. DH can handle his grandparent duties fine. And if not, it's not my problem. So, as TwoTired said, you might want to discuss future grandkids with DH and what will happen if she reaches out. 

Gird your loins. If you think the designation of StepMom causes drama, wait till the possibility of StepGrandma. SMH

Most definitely happy that SD23 Feral Forger is "out there" somewhere. Shes safe and not bothering us at all.

Ive blocked her on social media so she cannot nasty text me. Blocked her phone number also.

She was filthy a liar and she stole. Any of those three separately are deal breakers...

BUT shes always still "out there", like a shadow hanging over us.

Yes, my oldest SD21 is off doing drugs, going to parties, driving doordash (I will never order doordash - eew.) and switching her sexuality between "lesbian" and " hetero" and "I don't know... I was drunk, and he was there when I woke up..." LOL. She is a pig and liar and I am sooo happy she can't come to Thanksgiving at our house. 

From June 2019 to November 2022, my crazy ysd made it her mission to try to manipulate my DH into changing our will. Things finally turned very nasty when she spoke to him on the phone in June of 2022. She went from love bombing him during the conversation to verbally abusing and name calling him and then went back to the love bombing again. It was insane to listen to. The efforts that she was making to have our will changed were so aggressive that we finally consulted our lawyer to document them.

My DH, not being the confrontational kind, sat down and hand wrote a letter to her telling her that he would not tolerate her verbal abuse and name calling anymore.  This was in November.  Her response to the letter was very telling. Instead of sending back a letter apologizing for her bad behavior, she continued to justify her reasons for needing to be monetarily compensated and finished the letter by saying that clearly he is moving on with his life and doesn't want his kids in it. She made it sound as though she was going to go no contact, but she ended her letter in such a way that he would normally feel compelled to call and smooth things back over with her. Under the circumstances and due to the abuse, he has chosen not to contact her at all.

I hold no delusions that this will last forever, because she is a sociopath who will worm her way back into our lives. I will say that since we have not heard from her and do not anticipate hearing from her for a while, the mood in our house has been one of relief and calmness. The feelings of anxiety when the phone rings have subsided. I am reveling in the joy of serenity while it lasts.

we have done wills and poa, just easier in the long run.  all kids get something.  

its never been mentioned by them.  but im sure whatever it says they will try to contest it.  ho hum.  

We stopped speaking to SS and his wife a few years ago and it is so much more peaceful without them.  I don't have to worry about her lies causing a fuss between us or us and someone else, etc.  Or him trying to justify her lying, him lying, etc.  I feel sorry for their kid.  They're no doubt going to raise him to be a liar.  My hope is that other family members see them for who they are. 

My life is infinitely better without Spawn in it.  I don’t have the stress and worry of her trying to sabotage me or my children.  I don’t have to walk on eggshells and bite my tongue and be mindful of anything I say to her.  Now is it better for my DH?  No he misses Spawn and would like a relationship with her.  I have encouraged him to seek help in dealing with his non-relationship with her and he has done nothing.  I think what’s holding him back is knowing he is in that relationship alone, I will not step in a be a part of it and that bothers him because he will have to deal with his Spawn on his own.

It is better.  No question.  I no longer have to deal with Tweedle's daily emergency, the constant mood cycling, panic by everyone in his circle about what stunt he's about to pull, constant texts from him to pressure people, screaming at people who don't immediatley give him what he wants, or any of the other b.s.  I washed my hands of Tweedle D about four years ago, and haven't looked back.  I haven't seen him in more than a year.  I'd be perfectly fine never seeing him again.  Living with him was a nightmare.  It didn't get much better after he moved out for the 4th time.  I've blocked every method he could contact me through.  His mom deals with him now and leaves me out of it.  I'll never live with him again.  I'd pack up and move out before I'd live under the same roof with that maniac again.   

Regardless of who those people may be.  They pull their heads out, or they are kicked out and they stay kicked out until they grow TF up and act as decent humans act.

If they do not embrace decency, they embrace pain. Their choice.

Our job is to set and enforce the standards of behavior and standards of performance. That includes bringing the state of abject misery (pain) to bear when they choose to be toxic.

I haven't had to put my eyes on her nastiness in almost 5 years, except for funerals etc. I rarely see the other SK. 

100% BETTER. All the way around!

Even though they try new tricks, I'm winning every step of the way.

& disappearing for 5.5 yrs plus over lies and pas their mum and stepdad engaged in (biomum and stepdad were having an affair whilst both were married and hadn't separated yet) i saw the warning signs early on.

eldest sd claimed she wanted a relationship with daddy, that she knew he had a new family- she repeated this multiple times and claimed she didn't want to disturb his new family etc. then she within mins tells him he needs to continue the gravy train of cs and owes their mum a house (a house hubby bought after divorce and that he has been solely paying) but biomum didn't want it in her name but in skids name because she believed affair hubby was gonna dump her andnwould claim that as marital assets. 
 

they just were golddiggers. Hubby said no that he had a loan and no authority to transfer it over. Biomum wanted half of everything in the divorce but hubby proved in court that he was sole income earner and everything he paid for. That his exwife did everything to sabotage his career and promotion prospects, was abusive and neglective to him and their relationship was not a marriage. She was only entitled to half of proceeds from home sale which was a lumpsum of $30,000.

after divorce hubbys salary increased 7 fold. Majority of his retirement savings are from after divorce when sd's abandoned him. 
 

exwife and sd's have engaged in the manipulative crap hoping hubby will drop everything for them. They didn't expect him to move on and grow a pair. Eldest sd barely 1 yr after reconnecting with my husband calls him 1 day fake crying on phone claiming he abandoned them to marry me and have kids with me.

the hypocrisy was biomum could have an affair, marry affair guy days after divorce was final and in secret whilst skids were in school and tell them after they came back from school that they had a new daddy as bio mum got married. Yet my husband can't meet me 4.5 yrs post divorce and marry me 5.5 yrs post divorce and have kids with me. Sd's blamed me and my then 2 toddler kids for the minimal relationship they had with their dad when they refused to see it was of their own doing. 
 

after that i put my foot down and said i will never be around them or at any family events they will be at and neither will our 2 young kids. I will not allow them to fake a relationship in front of my inlaws and pretend to be sisters of the year when they have done the complete opposite and given hubby an ultimatum to choose them over me and our 2 kids.

that was a really scary time when my husband told me that, i told him your daughters are basically telling you to get rid of me and our 2 kids for them yet we both know the moment you did that, they would abandon you. My husband said i know and i will never dump you for them. I know they're just like their mum. 
life is too precious to waste on toxic individuals 

I think all of us would have welcomed stepchildren who wanted to be a member of our family. Not perfect by any means but involved and a participant. That certainly was welcomed by me in my case. However by the time many of us steps enter the picture the kids are hostile to anyone who gets involved with their parent. And they are usually cheered on by a mean parent. 
So now I have a situation where I share my husband with strangers basically. His daughters. A shadow family. They never see him but are just telephone relationships. 
However one daughter calls several times a day and literally sounds like a mother hen wanting to know eve thing about all of us yet sharing very little of herself. 
That's what makes me so annoyed. So yes I don't have to deal with them in person but I really welcomed them and hoped for a relationship with them. 

When my last SD put the final dagger in my back in early December 2022 I went through an emotional roller coaster for a couple of weeks. I was frustrated with my four SDs and myself for not acting on what I saw coming a year prior. I felt horrible for my wife who is an insanely great mother. I saw her go the extra mile for each of those girls and always prioritized their needs and did the best she could. 

However, her ex is a very passive man who has a lot of money and plots, waits, twists and manipulates. He successfully turned 3 of them against us despite them growing up in my home. 

After the final SD left my wife and I rededicated ourselves to building a new life with our 5 biological children. We decided to focus on those that love us rather than those that hate us. While I miss my SDs I have to admit that the last 2 years were extremely hard. When they were finally gone we went on and had the best Christmas we had in years. The past few months have been amazing and I have thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with my five other children.

So in short did my life get better? Maybe. The stress is gone, very little drama and my wife's ex is now completely out of my life. My kids are now raised in a unified home rather than witnessing a divided one. But I do miss my SDs and the way they were before my wife's ex got a hold of them. We had some good times, but they made their choices and you just move on.

Like you, I've been member for several years. I would pop in every so often and it seems like I've updated their ages too many times without making any lasting changes myself.  I've been a stepmother for 15 years now.  I am 55. Stepsons are 17 and 23 . In that time, I've lost alot of my self. Regaining it has been hard but it is ao much better without him around.

It gave me such anxiety to even write what I was going through. Then, where to even begin. 

Last year I finally feel I mastered disengagement. I would last 6 months or a year and feel bad. 

What woke me up was a very painful heart attack. I was so out  of touch with my own feelings and body that when it happened, I denied  it was happening. This experience  had finally broken me. Constant stress, constant financial crunches,  constant betrayal. 

I am not overweight nor do I imbibe and I exercise.  I was so consumed by the drama with this rotten SOB that I stopped taking care of myself as I have  most of my life.  That happens. These people will consume your every waking moment as if you live only to serve them. The result changed me forever.  

It came.down to, my health or his BS.  It is true,  at least for me. When you have a heart attack and it's bad. Your life flashes before you..

My life is infinitely  better since I went no contact.  I've done the work of recovery and enjoy my peace. I work and have a nice career that I'd like to complete and have actual time to live my own  life without being bombarded daily or being cornered in no win situations. 

I honesty don't care what H thinks or does. He can go see his kid. As far as I am concerned  I gave literally everything I had for 15 years of my life. If he finds it too difficult  with me not wanting his son in my life,  then he can do what he needs to  do. I am not willing to pay that price again. 

His 17 year old got the memo as I recovered. He watched it. It was hard. If he decides to be a narcissist  like his brother, he knows I will not tolerate it. 

I'm no longer afraid or being alone. I was alone anyway.  My H does realize the toll it's taken. It remains to be seen if it was enough. 

It certainly was for me.

Life is hopeful again. So  yes. Worth every second of peace. 

I don't know, I guess that's a bit dramatic. But seriously, 38 years of parenting a SS and then to be told I was not welcome to see the GSS. This has been said here, an innocent child is used as a weapon. At least my DH can see him...during Christmas and birthdays...bring the presents. It didn't get better for me, as now SS has all the control over my DH. It's dejavu, as the bio mom made my DH go through hoops to see his son. SS learned from the best.

I'm much better off no longer having to deal with my husband's daughter.

I think I've seen her twice since my husband died a few years ago.