SD 23 and H haven't had any contact for nearly 1 1/2 years.
So, I'm not complaining about SD not being in our lives anymore. In fact, I am so much more relaxed knowing that she's not going to call H at 1AM because her bf is being mean to her, or she needs money, or H saying that she needs to come up here for a while to "chill out" from all the drama (that she pretty much starts!) there. And most of all, no more chance of her moving up here which H tried to get her to do so many times. Her last meltdown and leaving here at 1AM via an Uber because she couldn't handle H trying to talk to her about what was going on in her life must have finally cemented the deal. There has been no contact, she has obviously blocked both of us on Facebook because we can't see her profile other than her current picture and details. She apparently broke up with her hippie boyfriend (who proposed to her 2 months after they started dating). We all knew that wasn't going to last. They lived together for 2 years and there was so much drama. Good thing they never married. She never graduated high school, which we finally got out of her the last time she was here because she was so wishy washy about it beforehand. Was going to be a nurse, but couldn't handle that because she had anxiety and instructors were mean to her and never completed the program. Worked at Starbucks until quitting there because co workers were mean to her. Then worked at a convenience store up until a few months ago and now, according to her Facebook profile, works at a butcher shop. So she's not really doing much with her life.
Is there a point where H should try and reach out to her or is it too far gone and she needs to be the one to contact him? I mean I assume she is happier without him or me in her life. I don't even know how they would begin to talk again.I can just see there being a point where he Mom doesn't want to deal with her anymore so she ends up contacting H again for money or something.
Tell him to keep out of it
Tell him to keep out of it completely. She's an adult and is running her life as she pleases. Even if she reaches out to him, he doesn't need to swoop in. This is HER life.
Oh and he doesn't have any
Oh and he doesn't have any plans of contacting her. Just wondering if he should even try ever. I mean if he gets into a really bad accident, like he did several years ago (or worse), do I even contact her to tell her or just assume she could care less? Because they hadn't been on speaking terms 6 years ago when he had the accident and that got them talking again.
I wouldn't waste time
I wouldn't waste time worrying about the "what ifs" - cross those bridges when you come to them ... if you ever do.
Embrace the calm. Leave her
Embrace the calm. Leave her in the past until she earns something different with performance and behavioral tolerability.
At some point the potential
At some point the potential for them to reach out to one another is there, I think in that event know what your boundaries are and let your DH know them as well.
Don't go borrowing trouble.
Don't go borrowing trouble. Don't bring her up, and change the subject of your H does. This is between two other adults, so leave them to it.
You should be enjoying the calm, not self sabotaging with what if scenarios. You have a history of torturing yourself with obsessive/looping thoughts. This period of peace is an excellent time to do some work on yourself with a therapist. Get stronger, understand yourself better, and learn ways to manage your anxiety. Is that something you'd be willing to try?
The best thing you can do for her...
The best thing you can do for SD is to let her live her life, make her mistakes and (hopefully) mature. As the SM, I wouldnt do anything else but your DH might want to reach out with a birthday card or call, same for Christmas.
The best scenario would be her responding positively to those gestures and the two of them re-establishing a relationship. But that would depend on her reaching some maturity. It's not impossible but I'm sure you will always be wary of her.
I haven't been on here for
I haven't been on here for nearly 2 years. Once SD got out of our lives and it appeared she was going to stay gone, I have been so much happier and relaxed. It's now been over 3 years and still not a word between them since that screaming match night in December of 2019 when she up and left at 1AM. She immediately blocked us on her Facebook, however my husband's mother is friends with her on Facebook and has been asking what's been going on with her. Husband said he had no idea and there's been no contact for 3 years. SD is now 25. His mother says that it looks like now she's living in MN (2000 miles away...who knows how she got there as she would never leave on her own) and is working at a butcher shop. So much for that nursing career and college she was all about and then couldn't take because "nobody liked her" and "all the teachers picked on her". Even though she always told us the teachers thought she was the smartest one in the class. Uh huh. She finally admitted that last time we saw her that she never finished high school. Since then she has worked at Starbucks (quit because people were mean to her), then a store in the mall (quit because people were mean to her), then onto a convenience store, then onto a butcher shop. She changed her last name on Facebook so we assume she's married or just thinks it's cool to take the latest boyfriend's name. Latest from his mother says that her pics now look like she's pregnant. Yeah, that's exactly what she needs!
That girl is a complete train wreck! Even had a felony conviction when she was 19 due to being found with drugs after a traffic accident. I am so glad she is out of our lives and I really hope she stays gone! Can't you just see her coming back after all this time saying "So I know we haven't talked for years but I wanted to let you know I have a kid and was wondering if we could get some money from you?" That would be hilarious and you can bet H would say no way!