Time to love  yourself more and demand more from DH. What do you have to lose? An unemployed man who won't support you?   Crappy choices?  You deserve better.  Does HE think you deserve better?? From what you write it doesn't appear so.  Betrayal is hard to come back from. Old habits are hard to discard.  Doesn't sound like you are demanding much from him.  As if you've settled on the fact he can't/won't change.  Now what?? 

Husbands job will be gone in April...they are retiring. And hes wanting to take time off...and fish and liquidate things and do whatever. Even though theres another job supposedly waiting for him...

Its so stressful! And you need to focus on you and you are having to take care of him.

((hugs))

I'm not sure if "compassion fatigue" is the right term but you know what I mean.  I think empathic people are more prone to this and its what you are having now.  You are soaking up his emotional state (you can't help it) and on top of your own feelings, you're overwhelmed.  Add to this you have the "normal" steplife stress.

I don't have the answer, it might be a situation where you just have to wait it out and/or make alternate decisions.  In the meantime, take the best care of yourself and keep venting here  And, GOOD for your DD,  how exciting!

The fallout happens in stages with peaks and valleys.

First is the finding of an affair. TBH i didnt go back to read your story but I am assuming this is what it is via comments above.

Second is the hurt, the anger, and depression.

Third the guilty party reassuring you it will never happen again. So you decide to work on it and go to therapy.

Fourth the guilty party "expects" you to get over it (if that is possible, for some yes, for others no)far sooner than you are able. The guilty party slowly makes his reasons for the affair is because of what you lacked in the relationship.  

Fifth if the guilty is toxic  he will start making the problems about you to deflect away from them. Not sure if this is the case with you.  Yea I was cheated on in  relationships. 

This often leads to an eventual  breakup because the hurt is too deep, and factor in all the issues. Again MY experience .

Now with the loss of  DH's job I cannot image how stressful this is to you. HUGS kind lady.

Blessings to a clearer path hun

When there are still "help wanted" signs everywhere ( which is about to turn; the layoffs have begun).

He better get his butt in gear instead of wallowing in self pity and trying to drag you under with him!

I'm lucky that i've never been unemployed, but if i were or if my SO were, lying around all day would not be ok with me. I can see taking a break for a few weeks to relax and decompress, but after that i would want to feel like the person was pulling their weight in the family to the best of their ability. Taking on the majority of the housework and cooking, doing other projects around the house, doing more with the kid(s), etc. If not that, then at least get a part time job in an unrelated field (Home Depot?), and spend the rest of it on the job search. He could also work on his health while he's out of work. I'm someone who appreciates effort, and if i didn't feel like he was making an effort, i would be pissed. 

With grub hub. Uber eats. Anyone with a drivers license and a car can be making money in 1/2 hour. Not the greatest job, Not a dream job, but you make money.  There is no excuse today for sitting on his rear watching tv    You have bigger problems then you know of. 

We  have to go Hmmm/ when the outcomes for child of one partner are orders of magnitude superior to the outcomes for the failed family progeny of a mate.

For us, SS is an only child in our family so there is no direct comparison for us to measure his outcome in relation to a StepSib in the same blended family. He is the eldest of 4 half sibs by three different women in the SpermClan.  DW and I raised him as equity life partners, equity parents, and with standards of bahavior and performance.

His three younger half sibs are trainwrecks of varied tragedy.  Welfare, prison, and who knows what else will unfold with them.

Your DD is a testament to her own character and dedication as well as a testament to your example and parenting.

Congratulations to you both.

Good luck with DH and his failed family progeny.

As for DH's job search. I get it. I have had two periods of extended unemployment in my career. A year when the semiconductor bubble burst in 2001 and two years when Oil tanked and Covid hit.  Both were hell. For me and for DW.  For me because I was not providing and could not engage in my career. For DW because she was the sole provider in a marriage where our model was for us to both pursue a career, partner in life, partner in raising SS, and partner in making a home and building our future and retirements together.

I busted my butt to find a next opportunity. I applied to countless hundreds of jobs, had dozens of interviews.  I ended up #2 several times for offers.  As with most things, alignment will eventually come for an opportunity. It did for me.  The first period of unemployment a former colleague called me regarding a night shift supervisor offer.  I did accept that job though it was at 40% less than I had previously earned in a Sr. Manager role. I was thrilled to have the opportunity.  It took a lot of pressure off of my DW.

The second unemployment period was very long though I did some intermittent consulting for that two years both domestically and internationally.  It was not a significant income but it did keep my resume active.  That period of unemployment ended on a Hail Mary

job application for a role I last held more than 10 years prior. I accepted the offer, at 30% less than my historical base salary levels, and happily jumped into the role.  The first time I had this role, with a different company and customer, it was the most fun I have had professionally. This time, with the exception of a year of hell with a toxic #2, it is a great and interesting job.  Income increases over the past two years have me within about 10% of my historic income levels.  Combined with DW's great career progress, we have been able to recover, for the most part, from my unemployed periods.

I hope your DH finds his next role soon. I get the strain on you both. I hate the strain my two unemployment periods have but on my bride.  I have few regrets, this is the one of them.