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Husband problem

Lilly Mae's picture

Submitted by Lilly Mae on Mon, 02/13/2023 - 3:50am

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So my husband and I had a huge fight last night about mini wife stepdaughter (shes 20).  I asked him why she is allowed to manipulate, speak trash about , lie and be disrespectful to not only me but basically everyone she meets and i never see him disciplining her.  He said that she needs to be disciplined differently away from others and i was like - what happened to treating all the kids equally?  he said that she wont like it if he disciplines her in front of other people - and I said so theoretically she is telling you how to discipline her and you allowing it (when i say discipline i dont mean hitting, but talking to her at the moment she is disrepectful .... my marriage will end because of this girl and her blind enabling father - as per my previous posts- daddy made her director of his  business and now he is giving HER a business bank card to buy things for around the house.  I said to him i dont care about the money but you seriously giving her the card when I am you wife and  i should buy things for the house .... im so over it.  I mentioned in my previous post how she treats her boyfriend like crap , well the boyfriends mother has now realised for herself what a ugly person SD is and tuned her straight  - she knows exactly how i feel as stepdaughter is starting her shit at the boyfriends mothers place too.  At family braais she is over powering and so my husband told me the only way to stop that is for me to be overpowering - I told him im not gonna do that, that isnt my nature and that she is old enough to know what shes doing,  It is honestly pathetic.  I cant take much more of this.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Mon, 02/13/2023 - 4:37am

I've just read over your other posts and, frankly, this is not going to get any better. She has usurped your place in the home. Your husband thinks that if you bully her she will back down - what delusional planet does he live on? She will ruin his business (BTW, I am outraged for yu that he gave her the card to buy things for the house - doubly outraged) and bankrupt him. Beware of being dragged down by this pair of millstones.

Maybe time to stop suffering? Go and talk to a lawyer to see what your rights are in this situation so that you don't get screwed over. Get your ducks in a row - do you have your own money? If you decide you've had enough and want out, do it before she sinks the business. I doubt giving him an ultimatum (her or me) would change anything, unfortunately.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Mon, 02/13/2023 - 5:02am

But will add that OP's DH already has money problems which is why he has his daughter as the titular head of the business.

OP, I think you should have an exit plan.  This disfunction has been stressing you out for years.

Lilly Mae's picture

Submitted by Lilly Mae on Mon, 02/13/2023 - 6:06am

I am working and have access to my own money.  Yes I think it's heading very quickly that way.

reedle2021's picture

Submitted by reedle2021 on Mon, 02/13/2023 - 6:32am

The title of your post pretty much sums it up - you have a husband problem.  I read all of your previous posts and your husband's behavior just makes me sick.  This situation isn't likely to change.  He is married to his daughter, you are just a roommate. You DH seems to be doing all he can to avoid providing any boundaries, expectations and consequences to his daughter for her behavior.  He puts her ahead of you and your marriage.  Also, I feel it is a slap in the face to you that he gave her a card to buy things for your house?  I also read previous posts about SD maybe being mentally ill?  I don't think she is mentally ill.  I think she's just a rotten little person and her behavior was nurtured by her parents who don't seem to want to parent her.  She's selfish, manipulative, and HAS to be the center of attention.  What a nasty person.

Only you can decide what's right for you.  But, I doubt this situation will every change.  I would speak to an attorney and maybe start working on an exit plan. 

Please take care of yourself and keep us posted!

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Mon, 02/13/2023 - 6:35am

OP - please read reedle2021's back story.  She has lived experience of this kind of situation.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 02/13/2023 - 7:11am

what does he expect?  for you to challenge her to a duel at dawn?  Sorry.. while I don't agree with correcting people in public necessarily.. (like dressing an employee down in front of coworkers.) In some cases.. you have to be able to say "enough.. we will talk about this later" or whatever.

Clearly he is hell bent on keeping her in first position.. and it's also clear she relishes that role and throws her weight around.. I think I would be done at this point.. and leave them to their own little world.