The endless pining.  I'm kind of glad the ferals PASed out early and abruptly as no amount of parental action was going to stop that PAS freight train.

This stringing along of the inevitable has to be excrutiating for all involved. 

 Remind H that life is short and that his estranged daughters have chosen this path.  They are old enough to see through the BM.

  His job is not to chase after a one way relationship with them but to enjoy what little time left there is on the earth with you.

Forget the second option. Book Xmas in Prague and the New Year in Vienna. If any remarks are made, "well, you didn't want to spend time with us so why would we invite you? " Go have a ball away from any bad memories or thoughts. 

The first few years I was with my DH I would wait until he planned his time out with BM when he got SD. Over time I realized that they only planned things at the last minute and SD would only see him if she didn't have a better offer. I stopped waisted to plan the holidays and just planned what I wanted. We hardly saw SD, so it wasn't ever a conflict.

I get so sick of the pining away but lack of action. Holidays are the worst. My DH acts like we can't have fun if SD isn't here but shes never here. It's pathetic. He's got 3 people that love and care about him in this house but he gets in those same moods as yours over SD that we barely know anymore and won't give him the time of day.

You ladies do it with these essentially all but PASed out older skids playing Daddyyyy for everything he's worth. 

Especially those with bios of your own in the household.  

It "only" took 11 years of total estrangement for Chef to realize his feral brats weren't worth pining over. 

Of course with these men there's always the knowledge that their kids are rotten due to a lack of civilization.    And then knowing deep down that they are at least partially responsible for said feraldom yet continuing to live in a state of denial by "adult" child chasing and pining.

You should live your life by what makes the most sense for you. I would not hold off on ANYTHING waiting for this selfish child to give you attention. She needs to learn that when she neglects relationships, people get on with their lives.

Decorate that tree and make your holiday plans. If she doesn't get back to your DH in a timely fashion and misses out - that's on her.

My husband has done that whole pining for SS but he was drunk and when he gets drunk he gets annoying and/or preachy.  Talking about you're supposed to love your enemies, forgive people, etc.  I tell him forgiveness doesn't always equal reconciliation.  Just because I refuse to associate with someone doesn't mean I hate them.  In the case of the Lying Ingrate and the She-Devil I'm protecting myself.  I finally called him out on his alcohol fueled sermon and he shut up and apologized.  He'd love nothing more than for me to let bygones be bygones, even though he admitted that he himself isn't talking to them because of the way Ingrate was acting towards me.  He also would not be willing to resume a relationship with them without me being involved and I refuse. Yet he doesn't care if I go see my family without him.  

So what's a pining man to do?  Attempted manipulation trying to use my Christian beliefs.  It isn't working for him.  He's learning this.  I'm not sure how I'd feel if he did start talking to them again though, to be honest.  I think I would feel as if he was saying that their behavior is ok and I'm the only one who has a problem with it.  But he's also a grown man and I can't stop him from associating with them.  I can only set boundaries when it comes to me and our kids.  

All that to say, I feel your pain on the pining.  I don't understand it myself.  These skids behave badly in whatever manner, and guilty Daddy would love nothing more than to come back for more.  I'd miss my bios if they weren't living with me and didn't come see me but they're not badly behaved and aren't two faced liars.  I don't miss Lying Ingrate and She-Devil at all. 

If my DH pines for Skids, he keeps it to himself...probably because he knows I won't be that sympathetic, because Skids are jerks when they are here. I think in some ways, he's also accepted that he has basically been cut out as a parent to Skids and is now focusing on our kids, which I'm sure will be used against him in the future. He's now starting to realize that step-life Christmases (sitting around waiting to spend a few hours with Skids) are not ideal Christmases for our DD, especially since we were finally able to bring her out to visit my family and he saw the extreme difference in how my family is around her (actually paying attention to her, as opposed to skids and DH's family who treat her like a curiosity or ignore her). We're planning to move once Skids graduate from HS (no need to be in close proximity if you are going to be ignored 95% of the time) and I don't plan to come back for any holidays after that. I've celebrated enough miserable holidays with DH's family (miserable due to Skid drama and MIL / BIL / SIL tantrums and general obliviousness to the needs or wants of anyone else).