Should I leave?

SD18 is still coming over for visits with Ss16 EOW. I was previously disillusioned that at 18 things would change with SD and minus CS... nothing has. Over the course of my 8 year relationship with DH, MY attitude about his children has gotten worse, not just because of who they are, but also for what they represent. I acknowledge my feelings, accept them and take responsibility for them, just haven't been able to change them. So I talk to my family etc and first response is, I should leave my house EOW and go... somwhere. I admit things are bad, I am anxious before, during and after they leave, we argue constantly about them, but leaving feels like being pushed out of my home and that would probably make me more resntful, I'm at wits end, can't afford hotels and really don't want to depend on family. Should I be leaving EOW?

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Need more info?

It feels like in order to give advice, we need more info. Are you still in love with DH? Do you think he is worth staying for? Do you think he wll try to change? If he doesn't change right away, but makes an effort, is that enough for you to stay? Why do you feel the way you do about the skids? Do you they treat you badly?

Also, do you own part of the home you are in or do you rent a home with DH? Would he support you if you had a talk with him about setting boundaries with the skids? Are you both financially independent or is one of you dependent on the other? All of these things affect whether or not you should leave. You can start by disengaging from the skids and letting DH feel the brunt of his poor parenting. I wouldn't, however, let them chase you out of your home.

Based on your previous blogs,

Based on your previous blogs, I think you need to decide if you want to stay married first and then come up with a long-term plan.

Are the kids disrespectful or dangerous, or do you truly just not like that they exist? If it's the former, then it would be more understandable that you wouldn't want them in your house. If, though, this is solely a you problem, then you may have to come to terms with being in the wrong relationship.

I suppose a compromise here would be that your DH and you alternate who leaves every other weekend (I assume you mean weekend and not week, because if you mean week, I have different thoughts).

Are you in therapy for this? If not, highly recommend you look into it.

Therapy

We've tried therapy twice. I love Dh and I know it's a me problem. I know all the problems we have, just have no solutions. Two years ago now, there was a court battle about custody of ss14 then... now ss16, this ordeal left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. We are all polite and decent to each other, but the underlying dynamics cause a ton of awkwardness. I know they also wish I wasn't here. The thing is, it didn't start out this way. Things are getting worse as the kids get older. I'm just anxious, depressed and triggered all the time when it comes to his children, so I kind of know it's my choice... I just keep hoping things would change but they haven't. I don't know what kind of responses I was fishing for, just feel so alone with my feelings.

Is it truly a you problem or is it a parental failure problem?

I take the blaming the SParent step sparingly. Far more often than not, it is a behavioral issue that the breeders who created the failed family spawn have failed to correct.

I agree that more information is in order for more complete advice to be suggested.

Take care of you.

You arent alone

Many people have the arrangement whereby they make plans with friends and/or family when skids come over.

Is it possible for you to make plans? Dont leave - its your home too. What are the underlying issues?

For background, I am no contact with SD23 Feral Forger, and pretty much leave SD16 SnottyMCPoutersulk alone most of the time. Just a hello and goodbye and we are civil.