What “game” is BM playing and what to do about it?!
SS will be 15 in two weeks. SS has always been rude,Bratty and prone to violent outbursts. Well last week SS Attacked BM with a boot at her home because she was yelling at him to get out of bed and go to school. This is not the first time SS has hit her.
BM waited a week till DH had SS to then call DH and tell him if DH returns SS to her house BM will press charges on SS for assault.
1. So why do you think BM waited a week and then tell DH if he returned SS after his parenting time she would press charges against SS? Why not press charges when it happened?
2. Now one would think BM would give full Custody to DH after this. Nope...BM said she plans on fighting DH if he takes her to court for custody. So basically BM is threatening DH if he does NOT keep SS at our house she will have SS Arrested for hitting her BUT long term she is not willing to give up Physical or legal custody without a huge court battle. So WTF is BM's end game?? Thoughts opinions anything??
She wants a break
She wants a break from SS (and who can blame her) and she knows he's safe with DH. Long term, she doesn't want to give up the CS and fantasizes SS will self-correct.
I totally agree with her wanting a break
THIS is the reason I'm thinking she waited till AFTER DH picked SS up to phone DH. She did not want DH to say forget it and then refuse to take SS. I don't think she Fantasizes that SS will self correct BUT I'm thinking she's hoping that DH will Either fix SS or that SS will flip out on DH so BM can say see it's NOT my crappy parenting but SS is a Psychopath. Basically take the heat off her for being a shitty parent
Like the other said she doesn
Like the other said she doesn't want to lose the child support if he takes her back to court but it took her so long to bring this up because she was probably talking to somebody else who gave her the idea. Or maybe she just wanted to give SS some time to get settled in so he would be less likely to want to come back.
Definitely take her to court she's trying to have her cake and eat it too.
Her brain is fighting with her mothering insticts.
Ultimately, parents have to use their brains rather than their fee fees or they will release the product of their failed parenting and the interferance of their feelings with their brain activity onto society. Worse, those failures will continue to invade their lives, pollute the rest of their family, and occupy their sofa for life if the parent failes to engage their own brain.
In far too many instances at least.
She needs to put his vioent POS in jail. DH needs to drop him off per the CO schedule and tell BM to make the call to press charges. He likely cannot press those charges as he was not involved. Or maybe he can.
What is for damned sure, is that as SM you cannot allow this POS violent turd in your home. If he will beat his BM with a boot, the risk to you is far worse.
I suspect she wants a break.
I suspect she wants a break. I also doubt she'll press charges against SS. If I was your DH I'd call her bluff. Frankly, if she's going to call the police, better it happen when he's 14 than when he's older.
^^^^
^^^^
This. Wholeheartedly. This kid needs to feel consequences for his actions.
Do you have any documentation
Do you have any documentation, text, email, saved voice mail, where bm is saying SS is violent? Maybe I missed it. Is he like this at school? Maybe school counselor can shed some light??? Always best to give school counselor a call and get school on board as eyes on ally.
SS should be seen by Child Psychologist for evaluation. Easier said than done if bm fights you on it.
*you asked what game is she playing? 1. She doesn't want to loose custody. What is the benefit to her to retain custody? 2. Money.
Doubt if she will call police.
Honestly I would call CPS. I
Honestly I would call CPS. I would report the incident and have it on record. They are going to push for mandatory family therapy and if BM is refusing to take him back, CPS can flip custody and you guys can get CS dropped. I wouldn't just sweep this under the rug and allow SS to get away with assault- even if it is on BM. Boys who hit mom's grow up to be men that beat wives.
My guess is that she didn't
My guess is that she didn't think one bit about how it would impact DH because this move was about punishing SS. It's keeping SS from his belongings and comfortable space as punishment for attacking her, with the added bonus of "and if you do come back, I'll punish you worse."
She didn't think through that DH would fight her for custody because, in her brain, SS isn't getting extra custody time with DH, nor is she asking DH to take on custody. This is just punishment like grounding or taking away video games. She still sees DH's house and presence as "less than".
She doesn't want DH to do anything other than play hotel. She doesn't see him doing anything other than playing hotel. Personally, I say take SS back to BM's. He SHOULD have charges pressed against him for attacking his mother. He SHOULD face consequences for what he did. BM thinks a week with DH is punishment, and it's not.
Maybe but I’m Thinking more along
Maybe but I’m Thinking more along the line BM is trying to force DH to punish SS for what he did to her and correct his behavior. Now that SS is living with us full time it's all on DH to get SS up and get his school work completed. Yes BM needs a break I can buy this BUT it's more BM knows she's a crappy lazy parent and it would take to much effort to correct SS's behavior at this point. She wants to dump this rotten little bastard on us AND when he's in a Routine of getting up and doing schoolwork BM will take him back. BM never gave a "date" of when she wants him back ONLY that she does. Again it depends on how SS behaviors in school as BM will not want him back till then.
As far as taking SS back and calling BM's bluff would turn out poorly for DH. Why?? BM LOVES making DH look like a deadbeat dad and I can see her having a field day in family court with this. BM would play the poor Pathetic victim saying she was fearful of SS assaulting her again and DH refused to help by keeping SS till he cooled off. BM would go on to say DH would rather have his son sit in jail then get extra parenting time..
BM can say that all day long
BM can say that all day long and DH can turn around and tell SS and the police and the judge in front of SS that this isn't an issue of parenting time, this is an issue of domestic assault and accountability. That he will not have a son that hits women in his home get away with that crime. That there has to be accountability. That if the judge would grant him custody he has no problem showing him how a man actually acts towards women and would make sure that after his consequences and therapy that he is in a home that promotes healthy relationships.