Spoiling Santa Pt. 2
So, I posted last month that SS9 found out about Santa. DH and I suspected that BM told SS just because this is our second Christmas ever with SS and we suspected that she wanted to try to ruin it. Today, we took SS on The Polar Express and it stops at a cute rural town full of Christmas activities. SS loved it! SS9 asked for a picture with Santa, which DH thought was odd since SS no longer believes. DH happily obliged and took a few pictures of SS and Santa. After we were done, SS became a little emotional and said that he really wants to believe and wishes he still did. DH asked SS how he found out about Santa, because a few weeks ago, SS said that he figured it out on his own. SS told DH that was a lie, because BM and GF were eavesdropping on our phone call and SS didn't want to get into trouble, but in reality, BM and GF felt SS was too old to still believe and just flat out told him the truth. SS said he didn't suspect anything and still fully believed Santa was real until they told him. DH is pissed. DH thinks it's because BM was sick of putting in the effort of Santa because BM used to complain about how much extra work it was. So sad for SS. I told DH that we will still make Christmas special and if SS wants more Santa magic, we will work to make it happen.
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Comments
I officially hate your BM, she is one of the worst.
I officially hate your BM, she is one of the worst. Go ahead and create all the Santa magic that you can! Your SS is a lovely boy and is so lucky to have you and DH.
Very odd for a mom to tell
Very odd for a mom to tell her 9 year old kid there is no such thing as Santa. That is the most magical age of all and most parents would thank their lucky stars that some other snot nosed kid hadn't ruined it for their child yet, not tell the child there is no Santa! My children had the magic ruined by other little know it all's by the time they were 9.
Our BM is not very excited
Our BM is not very excited/enthused by anything parenting related.
Well that is just sad. She
Well that is just sad. She sounds a lot like our lame BM.
I fully believe your BM is
I fully believe your BM is going to go down the path that ET did. Once SS needs actual parenting that isn't fun or cute, and when SS starts having more say in his personality, likes, and wants, BM is just going to stop trying altogether. She's pathetic for ruining Christmas for her son.
Yeah, SS isn't at that cute
Yeah, SS isn't at that cute and adorable phase anymore and I have already noticed, since SS was about 7, BM pulling away.
I dunno, I'll be the
I dunno, I'll be the dissenter. It's really her choice as his parent to decide if she wants to do the whole Santa thing and when to end it. My older siblings told me when I was 5, and it didn't scar me forever. You can still have a wonderful Christmas without it.
I understand that it is her
I understand that it is her right as his parent, but BM has done Santa for the last 8 years and decides this Christmas, our second Christmas ever with SS, where DH gets to be Santa and none of that responsibility falls on BM, is the one where SS is "too old" to continue believing?
I'm not saying that we can't have a wonderful Christmas without Santa, I just feel bad because SS told us he wasn't really ready to stop believing. Childhood is short enough already, why are we pushing kids to grow up and lose the magic and innocence so quickly? It's not just Santa though. This has been a trend for SS throughout his life; BM ruining things or pushing SS to grow up faster than he wants/is ready for either because BM no longer wants to put in the work or BM wants to push her own agenda. It's just sad because the one who is most greatly impacted is SS.
I've personally always
I've personally always thought the Santa thing was strange so that colors my view. Lying to kids and calling it "magic" seems odd to me. And I'd be wary of sympathizing too much with SS about how awful and unfair BM is - my SS milked that. Even if you are just thinking it and not saying it, kids know . Your SS would never be "ready" to find out the truth, even if his friends told him.
I do think your BM is awful, by the way. Just not so much for this.
Since both parents have been
Since both parents have been on board with Santa why stir the pot now? Belief in Santa is a minor issue and stupid to start conflict with your child's other parent over. I agree that it sounds like she's trying to spoil your holiday, maybe she's insecure and/or vindictive.
That's the thing, DH is so
That's the thing, DH is so disengaged from BM and her shenanigans that he won't even acknowledge her efforts to create conflict. When SS tells us this stuff, we vent to each other privately, and we move on. If BM emails DH to try to create conflict, DH either doesn't respond or responds with "Thanks for letting me know." BM's attempts to create conflict have mostly failed for about the last year, simply because DH won't engage it.
If SS brings up Santa again
Can you try to explain to him that the spirit of Santa lives on with us even as we get older if we appreciate the magic of Christmas? For example, my niece at 10/11 was really happy to take over elf on the shelf duties from her parents so that her younger sister 6/7 would have the same joy she'd experienced when she was younger.. It was a way of keeping up the spirit of the holiday. Plus as long as older niece maintained the secret, Santa still came with presents for her.
Maybe SS could think of fun things he might like to do for his new sibling over the coming Christmases? Reading Santa stories to he/her, helping to set out the cookies and milk for Santa, carrot for Rudolf, etc.
We have done this. We have
We have done this. We have told him a couple times that we are all "Santa" and that the true spirit of Christmas stems from giving to others. We told him that now he can step up and become a "Santa" to someone else and he liked that. He has helped us with some charitable projects to give back this season and he is excited about helping with Santa for his new sister in the years to come. We are also still doing the normal Christmas traditions, like watching Christmas movies, going to look at Christmas lights, baking cookies, etc.