The Chronicles of ET
We're coming up on a year of YSS living with us full-time because ET's life imploded and YSS has a mental health crisis. While YSS has improved drastically in that time, ET has...well, continued to be ET.
ET is getting divorced from STBXH#3. They split last month. She already has a new BF that she introduced the boys to over the holidays. When we asked what his name was, both boys went "uhh...I think his name is X?" Stellar.
ET has also been riding YSS's rear end about his grades. Has she actually helped him with his work? Nope. Talked to DH about how to help? Nope. But she did tell DH "you should probably look at his grades" all smug. Witch, we both did, and YSS has been reprimanded for it, and knows if he fails he has to retake the class, and has done the work and turned it in for half/no credit because he still needs to learn the material. He's also 15, so he takes some responsibility for this. Finally, he ISN'T FAILING A SINGLE EFFING CLASS unlike last year, under her care, where he had 100+ missing assignments and straight Ds and Fs.
Finally, ET has bought YSS precisely zero anything. I'm even talking about a toothbrush (which YSS forgot over the holidays so he didn't brush his teeth). He doesn't have a bedroom at her place - he sleeps on the couch. He needs a new coat, but has she done the same courtesy that DH did for years and go buy him one? Nope. Any new clothes that he needed recently because he shot up in height? Nope. Oh, but she has made it a point to drive 200 miles roundtrip to see OSS perform and take OSS to have his instrument tuned. Yep, so much easier to help the kid with a job and the ability to make money than the kid who is still a minor and actually NEEDS help.
Overall, day-to-day, things are better. But these things just irk the sh*t out of me. I think they will always irk me. I have let a lot of it go, but the favoritism to OSS, the bringing new men in and out of the boys' lives, and just not even doing basic parenting while having this superiority complex because she reads emails and checks the parent portal in the middle of the day when DH is working just makes me want to rip my hair out.
Nothing I can do about it, but thank you for listening.
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Comments
I just don't get it. I mean,
I just don't get it. I mean, even these mothers who don't have a "motherly instinct" should still feel some kind of responsibility towards their children.
She is a pos
I'm glad your SS is doing better. I could tell how concerned you were earlier, rightly.
She is a pos. Does he have to visit her? Does he want to? I guess they'll always have that mother-son bond.
I really commend you for doing the hard work with your SS. He's lucky he has you in his life.
Your BM sounds a lot like
Your BM sounds a lot like ours. She used to have ss call all of her long string of bfs "daddy" when he was little, so when he was 6 he asked dh for a picture so he could remember dh since "all his daddy's left eventually and he wanted to remember what daddy looked liked." Ss has been with us full time for years now and BM has not done anything for him, not paid for or bought him a single thing.
some people are worthless parents and it does incredible damage to their children. It's nice your ss has you guys. Hang in there, I really feel for you. Hugs!
Ugh
Sounds so familiar. I stayed "irked" often when DHs kids were younger. While BM never remarried (or even dated, that I know of), so no men to contend with, she had her favorites with the kids. And it wasn't DHs youngest son. She and her adult kids constantly through him "under the bus." She also refused to buy the kids anything unless forced to (DH would have to call and say, I give you $2K a month for CS....my kids need clothes. If you can't take them shopping, I'll do it and deduct the money from CS, well knowing he could not do that but apparently she didn't and would go buy them a few things). Mind you, she always had Chico's clothes on and had her weekly mani/pedi appointments. Drove a Lexus.
I remember Dh's youngest daughter coming to live with us...very overweight...in she'd sweat profusely during the day. She had ONE uniform that was washed on the weekends. Or, we'd buy the kids nice gifts and she'd give them away to people at her church. It was just a sickening time and I'm glad it's over.
Sending you a virtual hug to help rid the "irks."
She sounds exhausting. I don
She sounds exhausting. I don't understand the whole introducing the new boyfriend before the door has even hit the latest ex-husband on the way out. Our BM did that, too. My SSs had already met current boyfriend (who has not even been around for a year, but one SS referred to him as part of his "immediate family) before BM even filed for divorce from ex husband #2. Ex husband #2 moved in about a month after BM filed for divorce from DH and by the time I met SSs (just under two years from the time DH's divorce was finalized) he and BM were married and SSs were referring to him as "dad" and referring to his son as "our brother".
In our case, BM has a favorite child, but now he's more interested in his friends (and she's more interested in current boyfriend), so now she uses other SS as her manipulation tool with DH.
I can't wait to see what kind of relationships SSs end up in. They have heard from BM that DH "caused the divorce" and then that ex husband #2 "wasn't the man I thought he was."
Sadly some people never
Sadly some people never change...even once the boys are grown she will be looking to them for handouts and help raising her.
ET sucks busted donkey butt.
ET sucks busted donkey butt. *diablo*
LD, you are such a blessing to those boys.
Thanks folks. None of this is
Thanks folks. None of this is new (it never is), it has just been more frequent because fall break and holidays = more interaction with ET. Her being single-ish doesn't help, either, because it means she's paying attention to being a mom again. As badly as I felt for YSS, it was pleasant in late spring/early summer with her being mostly absent and not digging into things. But, I think now she is trying to impress the new BF (who happens to have two kids), so we'll see how this goes (and what she tells this dude about DH and why YSS lives with us).
I totally get it
Toxic Troll not even checking parent portal, goes ballistic when I try to help the kid, and cuts DH and myself off, and kid still fails ART. And Orchestra.
And of course its colder and kid still wears shorts. Dh buys coats and winter clothes and shoes and everything. And BFF Toxic Troll involved SD15 in all her dating life details. Lately its been all quiet. Which means explosion at Christmas.
Im sorry your YSS is struggling - Im glad hes with you.