Help/Opinions/ hope…is this “normal teen stuff”
Ok when I say "normal" I don't mean normal feral teen BUT your average day teen boy.
SS14 of many things is Disgusting. Disgusting like his smell will knock you over when you walk in the room. SS14 refuses to wear Deodorant or shower daily. The "most" DH can get SS14 to shower is every other day and only in the evening. He Absolutely refused to shower before school. When he's with BM he will go a FULL week without Showering or changing his clothes including underwear! I can smell him as soon as he walks in the door. He will sit in his room playing video games and eats with his hands then Wipe them on his clothes. He refuses to wear PJs and sleeps in the clothes he's worn all day sometimes all week no mater how Filthy.
I know teen boys can be gross BUT is SS14 over the top??? SS14 talks about getting a girlfriend but Jesus I can tell you right know not girl will get within ten feet of him.
Yes, he's over the top. At
Yes, he's over the top. At least in my experience. My teen SS needed some encouragement at 14 but he never was as bad as you described. Sounds awful!
Getting teenagers, mostly
Getting teenagers, mostly boys, to be hygienic and clean is usually a bit of a struggle but what you are dealing with is outside the realms of normal. My SS15 showers every second day, occassional he will go a day longer on the weekend and we have to push him to shower. However, not once has he ever smelt. Whereas my SD16m, who showers every day, frequently smells of BO and I've often had to soak her clothes to get the BO smell out of the armpits so I can't figure out what's going on there.
Is there any option to talk to BM and ask her to focus more on hygiene at her place? I would also implement some rules ie first thing he does when he comes from BM's house to yours is take a shower and then a shower every second day the rest of the time. Tie it to him playing video games ie remove it before he arrives and let him know he doesn't get it back until he showers. Keep doing that every time you want him to shower.
Hmmm I would make sure he's
Hmmm I would make sure he's not depressed. When did this start? Completely ignoring hygeine to the point where he sleeps in his clothes for a full week seems a little off to me, even for a 14 y.o.
Maybe ask him how he's doing (could it be bugging him he doesn't have a g.f.?) to make sure that nothing more is going on than him being a gross teen
He’s been like this for years..
It just seems worse 1. He's older and older kids/teens have BO. 2. When he was younger DH/BM would wash him and brush his teeth.
Part of it is he's generally a lazy kid. BM bushed SS14 teeth till he was 9...no joke.
Don't think he's upset because he does not have a GF as most kids in 9th grade don't.
Until he was 9? What the.....
Until he was 9? What the...............
Ok but my dentist literally
Ok but my dentist literally told me that kids don't have the dexterity to brush their teeth PROPERLY until they like 8 or 9.
My kids would brush their teeth, but i would go and brush after them to ensure their teeth were brushed well.
That's ok, it sounded like
That's ok, it sounded like the OP's BM did it for the child, which is very different than a round 2 brush to avoid cavities!
Gross. Your DH needs to tell
Gross. Your DH needs to tell him that he can only have his electronics after he's cleaned himself and his room to DH's satisfaction. He will smell fragrant like a rose in no time. If your DH follows through, anyway.
So - ew. Teen boys are
So - ew. Teen boys are unhygeinic & feral & smelly but this is rather extreme. I say this having some experience as we have SS16 & SS14 & they're both gross, especially OSS, who wear tracksuits/sweats/hoodies in the middle of summer & I cannot express how hot it gets where we live. They don't willingly bathe or brush their teeth but will do so when prompted. your SS's refusal to do himself any favours is the thing that stands out to me. Could it be depression? I like the suggestion of making him clean himself as a condition of walking through your front door!
This has been an ongoing
This has been an ongoing issue with my step daguther for years. For a while she would get in the shower when made to but not actually use any soap....
Last year with virtual schooling was the worst though (she was then 12). We were all home and not really going anywhere so the impetus to keep clean was even lower than usual. The stink was awful at times. I refused to sit on her spot on the couch after her as it was so bad. We finally realised after a few months that she had not changed her bra in months, even slept in it. Once we got her some new bras the stink got a bit better.
She still has to be reminded to shower every single time. This year is a bit better as we make her shower every school night (yay to schools being back open). I swear she still doesn't change her underware for days at a time though. When I used to do her laundry there were hardly any pairs of underwear. She recently got her first yeast infection, it was pretty bad by all accounts....not sure that has changed her underware habit, but I hope so. She does not brush her teeth, told me the other day that she doesn't care about the future and doesn't deserve a nice future and so won't brush her teeth. She doesn't use the bathrooms at school, so when she has her period she must wear the same pad all day long. I have tried telling her she should change it at least once at school, but I am pretty sure she ignored me.
I am not sure I have any advice, only sympathy. Trying to get through to these teens that don't want to listen and don't care about anything other than their own little bubble feels impossible. My step daughter started to see a therapist recently. I am hoping to my husbsand to ask the thearpist to address personal care with her sometime soon.
I have two sons, both now
I have two sons, both now grown up.
My older one was fastidious about showering every day, so didn't smell.
The younger one, when he got to teen years, sometimes would only shower every second day....if it was hot and he got a bit sweaty and smelly I would get on his case about having a shower. But he never slept in his clothes or went a whole week without showering. That's a definite red flag that something is wrong...
Stinky Spawn should never be
Stinky Spawn should never be tolerated. We would send a happy, clean, fully conversant, 85% toilet trained little boy to SpermLand for visitation. The SpermClan would send back a sullen dirty, smelly loaded diaper wearing waif with BO so bad that the smell would knock a buzzard off of a shit wagon.
We would take him directly from the airport to his pediatrician to get his condition officially documented. Then we would take him home to get him cleaned up. He would have diaper rash and butt rot so bad his anus would bleed and he had puss filled welts all over his butt cheeks.
Once they get into their teens their stench is on them and they own it. Zero tolerance, public ridicule and humiliation should be applied to improve the experience of those around them. I couldn't care less about the the feelings of the willfully odiferous or lazy.