1.) Your DH did support skids through court ordered CS. If he did not pay above that, that does not mean he didn't contribute. Your DH values hard work and living within your means while it is clear BM offered skids a more privileged lifestyle. That doesn't mean your DH should change his beliefs to accomodate skids and skids obviously hardly went without. 

2.) Your skids are not your financial responsibility and them expecting you to contribute to their lifestyle is bullshit. Their upbringing was their parents' responsibilities. Who cares if YOU hired a private nanny... that was your choice. If BM and DH wanted that for skids, they could have found a way. And how dare he say you shouldn't have had more kids... if YOU can afford them, you should do whatever you damn well please. 

3.) Please ignore their entitlement and cut them off (both financially and contact wise) if you need to. You don't need that toxicity in your life. If they want to talk selfishness and greed, they should look at themselves, demanding to be taken care of as fully functioning adults.

Geez Louise so much reading today regarding the skidtitled skids.

Again as I said on another blog, parents who entitle these kids are a menace to society.

SS THINKS he can tell you how to spend your hard earned money. NFW

Dang if you win the lottery of 1000 million buckaroos I would hope you wouldnt give these shits a red cent. Heck I'd donate half of it to "save the whales" and the rest enjoy LOL

I agree with you that "I can't afford it" is a cop-out, and would be confusing for kids who then saw you guys spend lots of money on other stuff.  "You have enough things already and I will not be buying you more," would have been a better answer but harder.  So even though BM was an evil witch for planting this crap in her kids' heads, you are right that your DH's choice of how to handle their requests gave her the ammo to fire at him with.  Also, it seems he gave them a lot of stuff so that they wouldn't feel deprived as he did when he was a child, but that backfired on him big-time.

Now they are entitled adults who prefer to see themselves as victims who are owed something, than to work hard.  Too bad for them.  I think I would have pointed out that he is not MY kid, and I was never obligated to buy him anything, yet I did - and now that has come to an end.

Spawn once said to me "If you would get a job, then my mom could get more money."  that's the bullsh*t the other parent feeds them and they believe it.

Usually the less explanation you give, and the closer to a simple "no", the better.

I prefer to say "you don't need that" to my daughter. 

Skidult thinks that she should be allowed to move back in. Feral Forger SD22 cant seem to get it through her head that shes not welcome and shes needing to involve me in the discussion (nope never going to happen!).

Shes also mad that DH hasnt given her a car yet, forget about the fact that shes never bothered to get her license to drive, and currently is unemployed so no money for gas or insurance.

That one could of gotten double.  BM fault.  If they had no kids. That one could of hade everything in the world,  if, if if 

I totally agree. I don't like to say we can't afford it either when it technically isn't true. 

My parents are wealthy, and I rarely heard "we can't afford that."  I heard plenty of "that's too expensive," "that's not worth it," "you don't need that," and the old standby, "no."  But I had no one planting poisonous thoughts or telling me how cheap or greedy my parents were. I suspect it's semantics and your skids would be entitled and resentful, and complain about your cheapness and greed, regardless of what you said.  BM would have said what she said regardless of what you said - she'd find a way to mischaracterize what you said. It sounds like your skids were given too much, not too little.

It sounds like your skids were MORE than provided for! Also, what you treat yourself to (vacations and such) is not what your kids are entitled to either. You're allowed to spend your money on what you want. And frankly o don't think the problem was the phrasing I think it's their attitude/BM.

These kids think parents are put on this earth to funnel all of their resources towards their every whim, to them "no" might as well be abuse, or at least a character flaw (see selfish and cheap). God forbid an adult actually enjoy the money they put in the work to earn.

My parents spoiled my brother and I but they also said no and we accepted it. They did a lot for us but they enjoyed themselves too, vacations were destinations they wanted, not just kid friendly places. 

I don't see a problem with what DH said. He was truthful. He couldn't afford it. It doesn't matter if he could not afford it as there was no money or if he could not afford it because he had other priorities. His financial decisions do not have to be explained to his kid. 

SS#2 needs to be shut down. He doesn't get to continually revisit his entitled attitude grievances. I'd tell him he's free to raise his children how he wants. He can give them whatever goods and money they want if he likes. But, you will not discuss your finances, past or present, with him any longer.

Ugh. The entitlement. 

But people are products of their upbringing. As a child growing up in a large family, I didn't get or demand things like cars, holidays etc. We were brought up strictly but fairly, and as a family we are all very close. I love my family.

With my own kids, I tried to bring them up in a similar way....and they are both very nice young men making their own way in the world. They would never dream of demanding money, cars etc or accuse me of neglect or greed. 

Ex SD's bio mum was very very entitled with big expectations and expensive tastes, and her daughter has turned out exactly like her. 

Daddy has a lot to answer for though...never took a stand and said "no"

I sort of agree and disagree with this. I think it’s better to say “no” and explain why you’re saying no than to say “I can’t afford it” and then go on to spend money on other things. But it also depends on how deep the entitlement runs. In my DH’s case, I know for a fact that saying “no” doesn’t stop shit from hitting the fan. If the answer isn’t “yes” accompanied by the motion of reaching for the chequebook then BM and SD will lose their collective shit. When they ask for something it’s not a yes/no question, it’s a demand that the answer is yes or we’re scum of the earth. But yeah, in a more neutral setting, saying “no” might be what saves the relationship from a whole pile of unnecessary resentment. 

He is acting like an entitled little shite who is rude and demanding. Agree with some comments here. Cut him off. Make sure he's not in your will! He sounds like he will be nasty to his half siblings just for $$.

This is an old post, but for some reason it came up as suggested for me, today. My SSs do the same thing in telling DH has "has the money" to spend on whatever they want. My thinking is, when did a child get to dictate what a parent spends the money they earn on? My SS tried to claim that because DH got a "new" car, he should also buy SS a car. Um, DH's "new" car is a 10 year old car to replace his previous car that was nearing 20 years old and had over 200,000 miles on it. Also, DH uses his car to get to and from his place of employment. Finally, DH is earning that money, SS - although he is 16 and doesn't do much - does not have a job and has no intention of getting one. He certainly doesn't need a car and he doesn't deserve a car just for existing. It's a hugely entitled mindset. My assumption is that it comes from BM who has always openly treated DH as an ATM and has told Skids since the divorce (nearly a decade ago) that DH doesn't spend enough money on them, reducing the entire parenting relationship to a financial transaction.