Update on Regression
UPDATE: Tonight we went to the marriage counselor and she basically made me feel like I was totally off base for wanting my husband to let me know where he was going and what time he'd be back. She said that it was controlling behavior. It just made me super pissed off. Then that gives my husband extra ammunition to call me crazy and an asshole (which he did).
I think I need a divorce.
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LEAVE HIM.
LEAVE HIM.
And dump the counselor
And dump the counselor
Your counselor is an idiot.
Your counselor is an idiot. Since when has it been OK for someone to bugger off and dump all of their responsibilities on their partner? And not even telling letting you know if he'll be there for meals? Hell no. Your DH is behaving like a single guy without a care in the world. Grant him his wish to be single.
I find it hard to believe
I find it hard to believe that any counselor would say it's fine for him to disappear for 9 hours without letting you know where he is, and leave all his responsibilities for you to deal with. Are we missing some information here? If they did, they are useless.
No!!!
Nothing is missing. I was completely floored at her dismissiveness! I thought I was in the Twilight Zone!
Absolutely leave him
And report the useless counselor. It is one thing to not have to report every movement to a partner but it is a completely different thing when he is walking out the door in the morning and reappearing whenever suits him.
EDIT
Is this a faith based counselor who believes in the head of the house patriarchy by any chance? its the only way I could think they would say something so outrageous.
That, or OP brought up one
That, or OP brought up one time that he left for 15 minutes or something.
LOL
I promise I didn't! That is why I have a consultation with the divorce attorney on Monday. I can't take this anymore.
But my husband DID
Try to reframe the entire thing as "she doesn't want me to go anywhere!" Which the counselor bought hook, line and sinker. Then I spent the entire time defending myself and trying to convince her that idgaf where my husband was, I gaf about the fact that it's disrespectful to just dip and ghost everyone (his kids, me, his dogs) all day. The counselor t wasn't buying it. I think it's because she has a resistance to truly understanding how bad this (or any) situation is. Which makes her useless.
It sounds like the counselor
It sounds like the counselor is listening with half an ear... I mean.. yeah... it's controlling to have to know what your SO is doing every minute of the day.. questioning why it took them 10 minutes longer to get home than normal (which actually happened to me from an abusive ex!).
BUT.. to literally leave for hours and hours when you have responsibilities at home? Kids, animals.. that are YOUR responsibility and not your spouses? I don't know.. seems like that is a different animal.
And... why wouldn't it be somewhat normal for someone to let their SO know where they are going if they will be gone for a long time.. or even a brief time really. Hey.. running to the store for some milk...be back soon. Or.. Hey.. have a golf date with the fellas.. will be home after dinner.. don't bother fixing me anything. I mean.. it's kind of common courtesy so that your partner can plan their time as well. I mean.. are you supposed to wait there hands folded in your lap for him to return... cooking meals he won't be there to eat?
Honestly your Dh doesn't sound like a very nice person.
Right
It is common courtesy!!! I ACCIDENTALLY tell my husband when I'm leaving just because it makes me feel weird to just walk out.
He is not partner material.
He is not partner material. And, the counselor is not counselor material.
Where did your
Counselor get her education at? That is just terrible and twisted to say expecting your husband to communicate his schedule to you as validation to call you crazy and an asshole... Hell no... you deserve much better from both the counselor and your husband
Dump both the counselor and
Dump both the counselor and the husband. They both suck. You are not being controlling when you want to know where your husband is. Does he want you to let him know where you are? It's called common courtesy. I let my husband know where I am even when he is at work. He can also look on his phone to see where I am. It's not controlling. He's my husband and needs to know where I am. He lets me know where he is.
I was a marriage counsellor
I was a marriage counsellor for 9 yrs and no way would I have suggested it was OK behaviour for one partner to go off for any length of time and not tell their partner where they were. Even if it is just for an hour or two, it is courtesy to check it is OK with your partner.
The only caveat for me is 'to
The only caveat for me is 'to check if it's OK with your partner' really isn't and shouldn't be the reason, but as a common courtesy, for safety or just being in the dark. I guess it's a fair point though to 'see if it's ok' is if you have small children or something may come up that they need you there for.
100%
He doesn't have to get my permission! We even went through THAT in the discussion. But again, the counselor didn't believe me.
Mind you, this is the same counselor that when I said that my husband doesn't prioritize our relationship and I don't feel like I have a marriage when his girls are around responded with "well what did you expect, you married someone with kids." She's an idiot.
Some counselors are just
Some counselors are just shite.
True. Unfortunately.
True. Unfortunately.
Very true
Mr TASM is doing a post grad in psycology and coaching and can verify it's a field that attracts its fair share of crazy.