A little rant to just vent, because I feel overwhelmed!!
Baby moma decided to attack me today. this has been maybe in the works for the 4 years that I've been in the picture. She always tries to get me in trouble or to do something dumb and always attacking me or my 3 year old child. We have always had words thrown at each other or jabs but over the phone never in person because my SD gets super worked up about it so I've been trying my best best to keep her emotional well-being at best.
BUT today was it!!!!!!
Most recent altercations were because she found out I'm having a second child with her baby daddy and SD didn't tell her about it. So she snapped at her daughter that same day she saw me for the randomest BS trying to hide the fact that she was super pissed because not only her daughter won't be my SO only child since we already have a 3 y/old now I'm adding another one, and not just a girl for the looks of it a boy. Also not to mention she was drunk and high as usual.
Anyways the whole thing went down because SD has joined soccer because she wanted to put her in it so SD plays a sport. We have been supported of SD and taken her to her practices and games when we have her. Usually when we have this types of interactions they are extremely toxic for everyone but my SO tries his best to just be there for his daughter and SD loved our support.
Baby moma cannot stand me or my 3 y/o because she doesn't consider us her daughters family, and also even baby daddy's family since she always teaches her daughter that her dad should only worry about her and not his other kids.
So today at SD soccer game and as every game before and practice I always say bye to SD and give her a kiss in the head. But SD gets very terrified to even look my way when her mom is present, she pretty much ignores me and won't even dare to look my way, again this is just to not have conflict with her mother. Since her mom always talks crap when I dare to say hi to her daughter even when it's our parenting time. Long story short me being pregnant of 7 months getS pushed by baby mama telling me that I need to stop kissing her daughter because her daughter doesn't like it, so I kissed my SD again and right and told her not to be afraid. Again she comes in my face and starts trying to fight me, me as the calm person that I am ignored her and walked away. But then my SO came in heated and since they hate each other( I think he hates her,she still has hope he will get back with her) and got into it real bad. Words were said and threats were made mostly from them two. I told my SO to drop it because we were in a public place and not worth it to add more fuel to the fire. But she just kept coming at me.
it got a bit out of hand and my SO had to have a talk with baby mama dad and mom since they were there too. And they obviously believe their daughter is a saint and the best mom but they only fool themselves.
now I have a feeling baby mom will use this in court again or worst to put a restraining order on me since she loves doing those for unfounded reasons, and make things worst just to get her evil ways and make me and My SO life miserable.
let's see if SD had said anything to her because sometimes I believe SD tells her mom things just to keep her happy and not knowing it makes things worst for all.
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Ok a few things
Sorry but the baby mama / daddy stuff sounds trashy. You shouldn't have kissed SD on the head again. You are the adult and you knew this would cause drama. It's sounding like you're liking it and causing it. There is no need for you to go to the soccer games or any other place the child's mother will be. Find other ways to support your stepdaughter at home and when her mom isn't around. It's uncomfortable for her (your SD) to have you there causing drama with her mother. If you truly care about your stepdaughter you will stay back as to not stress her out. You are causing a scene in public and in front of a toddler. How scary for your young child and embarrassing for others to witness these explosive scenes.
edited to add do not blame your young stepdaughter for venting to her mother about what is going on. It is not her fault for making the situation worse she's not the adult, you and her father are.
Yes I shouldn't have kissed
Yes I shouldn't have kissed her and keep my distance like I do most of the time any time events come into hand and I know she will be there. But since I've been around for a few years and I have attended everything from kindergartens graduations, school projects that I've helped SD with to any type of important events for SD I do need to be present as we are a family and SD likes this type of support per her asking us to all be there for her.Also I do not condone any type of violence in public and yes specially around children but this was bound to happen wether I was present or not. But I guess if you support a step child or don't support them we will be the blame regardless.
also SD doesn't want to vent to mom about stuff that happens here, mom forces her to tell her just even the most minimal to get herself worked up and start attacking us wether is the true or a lie mom wants to believe.
So yes maybe I should keep myself apart and find other ways which I do already to support her, or maybe mom should act like a mom to her only child and maybe she wouldn't feel so threatened by me or anyone of dads side families prescense.
BM was out of line, but your actions didn't help.
BM was out of line, but your actions didn't help. You are hurting your SD and putting her in what is called a "loyalty bind." She likes you, and doesn't want to hurt you; but she knows if BM sees her showing you any affection she will be punished. Since the child gets a terrified look on her face when she sees you while her mother is present, why would you continue to put her in that position?
This is a case where you need to put your feelings aside, and you need to not worry about letting BM "win," and do what will make things easier for your SD. You need to stay away from events where BM will be present, at least for the near future.
Yes my actions didn't help.
Yes my actions didn't help. She will get put in that position regardless if it's me or even her own dad, since mom prohibits her from even saying hi to Dad or anyone who is her immediate family from dads side(dads sisters and grandparents). Mom makes her own dad(SD grandpa)show up and do father daughter things with her (SD) when she clearly has a dad who is actually very involved and we never make it a big deal for the sake of my SD.
BM may be the worst, but all
BM may be the worst, but all three of you are creating drama and putting SD in the middle of it. BM is pissing on her territory and you are doing it right back. SD may love you very much, but she will ALWAYS choose her mom. So do her a favor and let her have peace at her events by at least laying low and not trying to prove a point to BM. You can still go, just don't interact with BM and SD. At home, out of BM's sight, have whatever kind of relationship you please with SD.
Also, prepare yourself for the day SD turns on you, it's coming. With a high conflict mother like this, it's inevitable.
Yea I should of not even get
Yea I should of not even get close to her like I used to. Then BM started telling SD that I'm a chicken and can't face her. I laugh and say oh that's cute. Again shouldn't stood to her level, I know better than that. That day I lost it. It was bound to happen, specially since she is always attacking my little girl and me but I could care less about me, why attack a 3 year old who doesn't even know you, actually knows who she is and it's terrified to even look her way.
yes I've been seeing this type of behavior already and I'm sure SD told her things and that's why mom attacked that day saying her daughter doesn't like when I say hi to her. But all the other previous events she was fine with it. But since I'm pregnant now she made it a bigger deal.
Sometimes we feel the moment
Sometimes we feel the moment and act in a spiteful way. That's what happened when you were attacked and deliberately re-kissed your SD to poke the bear attacking you. It's human nature to wat to do that but you need to try to rein in that urge. You know it upsets BM, you know your SD will bear the brunt, keep in mind you're winning that moment by doing what's best for your SD.
As for BM putting her hands on you? No one has that right and should threat of it occur again, make it clear that charges will be leveled should she attack you again. Then if she does, follow through.
Yea that day the way she came
Yea that day the way she came at me I stayed calm but she pushed me and I can only take so much specially from someone who attacks me and my child. Oh she made lots of threats and pretty much said that if I was to come close to her daughter I'll regret it. I would love to see how she will do something when her daughter lives with me 50% of the time.