Egads. What do I do now!
Feeling guilty this morning. My 16YO SD had a RIDICULOUS reaction to an event in our kitchen last night - literally crying and screaming as though she just saw a family member die. It was a genuine "level 10 reaction" to a level 4 problem. I came running into the room, realized she was overreacting and started to yell at her, telling her to calm the f*** down and get ahold of herself. This sort of drama & overreaction on her part has happened on prior occasions. As I told her mom (who was defending her), is that this kid needs to develop some self-control and appropriate responses to situations. I don't feel I was out of line for responding in the manner I did....except that I told my wife "I can't f-ing wait until she's out of the house in 2 years!!" Even tho it's "80% true" and it felt good to say, I know how hurtful that must have been... I think my SD heard me say it.
It pains me that I don't get along with this kid. She's just so high-drama and talks negative about everything. I know I have an issue with treating my bios with more acceptance - but at the same time my SD lives with us 100% of the time (bio dad died from a alcoholism-related event).
Well, any advice? I plan to talk with her after school. I'm hesitant to mention anything about my "can't wait until she's gone" comment as I'm not 100% sure she actually heard me.
What was the problem?
What was the problem?
Yesterday she received a tiny
Yesterday she received a tiny pond fish (maybe an inch long - minnow type) from a friend so that she could take it to school for a project. My wife was helping her transfer the tiny fish into a new Glad bag and the fish fell on the floor & it died. SD was literally hysterical - screaming & crying. I came RUNNING into the room as I thought someone must have fell on a kitchen knife or something.
I would keep it short and
I would keep it short and simple if you want to talk to her, I am not sure that I would bother though.
"SD, I am sorry that I snapped and reacted in anger in frustration when you were hysterical last night." -- If she says anything else, you can just respond with "once again I am sorry that I reacted that way".
Glanced at previous blogs and
Glanced at previous blogs and I have to ask is this girl in therapy? Honestly I would have said the same things you did. I ain't got time for over the top drama. (I have 4 BDs and 2 SDs. ). I'd just leave it alone.
I have to ask if the issue over your parent's gift giving, did it get settled? Is the wife still upset over the "unfairness " ? Have you made any progress with previous issues or is this just another one piled on top?
Glanced at previous blogs
Thanks. Yes, this girl has been in therapy but with limited success. Not surprisingly, she thinks her therapist "doesn't know anything." The feedback we receive from the therapist is that SD doesn't share much.
Regarding the gift giving - yes, that has become much more settled. Partly due to my wife accepting my point-of-view + my parents giving more "equal" gifts at birthdays and Christmas. Actually, my parents give the SKs much more generous gifts than the SKs' bio grandparents.
Wow. You live in an Estrogin
Wow. You live in an Estrogin rich environment.
Thanks all
Thansk for the guidance, folks. I decided to sit down with SD and let her know that I myself overreacted to her overreaction...a bit of irony. I apologized only for the overreaction on my part - but not the main message as I feel she does need to better control her emotions.
For the comment regarding being entitled to one's own reactions - that's a very slippery slope. Teens need to learn to keep reactions in check. If she were to have a reaction like the dropped fish incident in an employment situation, it'd be an immediate discipline issue. If you're struggling with what reaction she had, imagine your own reaction if someone took a knife to your first-born's throat and cut their jugular - that was pretty much it. Maybe an acceptable reaction by a 6YO. Not 16YO.