There was no fear the skids would lose his money for college if they were honest with him - we told them we couldn't afford to pay for it.

Although...we did give his daughter enough money to pay for two years at a community college. But at her mothers encouragement - she went straight to a four-year college. Also, we got the impression the SD wanted to get out of the house. We then told the SD to use the money for books and living expenses instead.

The SD told us later she gave the money to her mom! :O Something about her feeling sorry for her mom having to pay for their college all by herself? She didn't HAVE TO, she CHOSE TO be the martyr! Another one of her emotional manipulations on the kids.

These kids didn't HAVE to go straight to a four year university. As I said, their father gave the oldest daughter enough money to pay for two full years at a very good local community college. She could have gotten all of her prerequisites out of the way there, then transfered to a four year college. MANY students do it this way - to save money.

Unfortunately, by the time the SS graduated from high school, we were not in a position to give him the same amount of money as my DH gave his SD. Despite this, he has done very well, and is making good money.

So - no, I would say the money is not the issue.

We really feel that the SS's fiance has a "hidden agenda" as you said Jsmom. Not sure what it is, but it appears to be there. She has done too many things, and made several comments that lead us to believe this - one of them is that SHE is the one who hunted me down to this forum. I mean she really had to hunt to find me. And she still continues to monitor what I say - then SHE tells her future husband about it (and others). Very suspicious looking - coniving and insecure behavior wouldn't you say?

I agree, I will not have any more contact with them. I'm not sure if my DH will want to try and keep contact with them either, not after last night. He was MAD!!! He did the talking to the SS on the phone, and things got really heated.

The more I think about this whole thing, a LOT of what is happening between my DH and his kids traces back to the SS's fiance! I won't go into details, but she seems to desire, and need to be the center of everyones lives. The "oracle" that they go to for advice, and direction. We have seen my SD and her husband (then fiance) turn to her for advise and direction. Between my SS's fiances influence, that in turn affects how my SS says and sees things, and how he then "channels" what his fiance says, it is a very unhealthy scenario!

She influences her future husband to say and do things that are not healthy nor mature. She comes from a large family, and I can see where she might have "carved out" a place in her family as a diva, (or maybe a diva wanna be) and she feels she can and will carve out that same position here in this family. She seems to have a Queen Bee complex big time!

Her influence along with my DH's EX's influence are having a very bad affect on the situation. I think that my SS's fiance and his mother are VERY similar in their styles of how to deal with people. There does seem to be a very strong aliance there.

My DH and I were talking about the situation that happened last night, regarding the conversation my DH had with his son on the phone.

My husband said that when he told his son that one thing that will need to change if he (us) and his son were going to be able to work things out - is that the son's fiance will need to start treating us with respect. The son's response to that was - "That's not going to happen." :O

So, we are resigned to the fact that we will not be in contact with my DH's son because of his fiance. It seems that the son is OK with his wife-to-be rolling her eyes at us (me) and acting very rude and condescending to us - and snooping on my posts here.

We have seen this superior attitude of hers come out on several occassions over the years. No matter what situation she is in, it seems she feels the need to be the "top dog" and control all.

This young woman is BIG trouble, and we see a LOT of trouble ahead for my DH's son! How sad he can't see it!

She has rolled her eyes at me several times on different occassions during visits. She also would act like I was not talking and not even pretend to act like she was interested.

She would often talked to us like we are children. Her job and training is working with children, so we thought we'd let it pass, it was just her "way". Well it is her "way" of being a diva.

She has always had an "attitude" and we hoped she would stop if we just hung in there and waited for time to pass. How naive we were.

She and my SS met in college, have been together since they were around 19 years old. They have never been in the "real world" or lived on their own, by themselves. They have lived with one another for 5 years.

They are both still young and naive, and think they are totally mature, it is obvious they aren't. We just wish the SS would pull back and try and understand his fathers concern for this marriage to end well. What's the rush?

Time will tell. We hope we are totally wrong about our concerns - but so far we can't see our concerns are off base.

Good one sandye21, but we aren't going to be around her, otherwise this would be a good plan.

Dear StepAside,

My husband has definitely informed his son that he will NOT put up with any disrespect towards me from him or his fiance!

My DH also told his son that he cannot bless their marriage, because of all the very disrespectful, controlling and immature behavior on the sons and especially the fiance's part. My DH told his son that he loves him, but that the son really needs to look hard at his fiance, and her behavior, and decide if he wants to marry someone like that.

The son said that he has lived with his fiance for 5 years, and he knows she won't treat him poorly, ever. Remember, this couple met in college at age 19, and they have so much wordly experience and maturity and knowledge about everything.(roll eyes) How clueless he is! :O

If the fiance is treating the father and me like this NOW, then the son is very naive to think that after they are married, and the fiance is then his legal wife - and a bit of time has passed - that things won't change? It will be a continueous love fest forever.

The first time he does something to get her angry, she is going to turn on him - try to control him, spy on him and generally make his life miserable! She's already doing the controlling, so she is ahead of the game.

We assume we will not be getting an invitation to the wedding.

Isn't it amazing how clueless these kids are? :O

Were we that dumb at their age? We made our share of mistakes, but I for one, would NEVER speak to my future inlaws like this fiance is doing to us - and getting her future husband to talk to his dad this way! She is a real piece-of-work!

I know that this younger generation isn't ALL bad, but the bad ones are really BAD, spoiled and self-centered. I am thankful that we have contact with GOOD representatives of this younger generation, it gives us some hope.

testing, testing.....that was strange, I got blocked from posting on my own post. I will try posting again.

This fiance has serious emotional problems. We are more and more convinced of this as time goes by.

Very controlling, and yes "manipulative"! Yes, I DID say it!

My first husband's parents were abusive to all their kids. It caused a lot of issues between the parents and the kids. I at least tried to help my first husband try and heal the rift between he and his parents in a positive manner. My first husband saw a counselor and got advise, and tried to reach and discuss the issues with his parents, but it was the parents who resisted, and were in denial. At least my first husband tried - and did forgive his parents. He set healthy boundaries with his parents, but he never gave up trying to work things out. It was always the parents who resisted the process.

In this current situation, it is my DH's son who is under the destructive influence of his fiance that is causing the problems. Encouraging my SS to do and say things that are NOT productive.

More and more it becomes evident that the fiance - for her own self-centered and immature reasons - is encouraging her husband-to-be to act this way. He is putty in her hands. He NEEDS to wake up!

My SS has a lot to offer, and it is sad to watch him being controlled and manipulated this way. Of course he doesn't see it as manipulation, he is in LOVE. Well SS, as time goes by the real life issues of marriage will come along, and reality arrive.
Be prepared! Or should I say, "Be afraid, be very afraid"?

Maux, I think you may be onto something. I was just going to ammend my last post, when I read yours. We are on the same page!

My SS's fiance can't control us. She is furious that she can't make me stop posting here on these boards. And there are other reasons she is mad that she can't control us (especially me), so she is determined to cause a rift between my DH and his son. Play the 'victim' just like my DH's EX does.

We also think that the EX-wife is in on this. She has always - in VERY devious ways - practiced 'parental alienation' with her kids towards my DH. It appears that the EX and the fiance are in on this together. The fiance may not even realize she is being used by the EX, but because she is of a similar personality as the EX, she is easily used by the EX, she is falling into the EX's hands. Being used by her. Or, she may be doing it consciously, either way it isn't good.

I won't go into all the details, but believe me, the EX has worked overtime to try and keep things from the kids that pertain to her controlling and devious behavior and tactics. This way she can then trash-talk my DH, and come out looking like the "victim". She is a master at it. The EX even got a dear 20+ year friend of my DH's - whom he knew for years before he even married his EX - to turn his back on my DH and their friendship! :O She's a real manipulator! She can really get people to feel sorry for her.

If the fiance is prone to this sort of behavior and is then under the influence of the EX, my SS is doomed! He really needs to wake up and take control of his own life, and his own behavior and his own issues and deal with them with his father in a healthy manner.

What do they say "Truth is stranger than fiction"? Who could make this crap up? It is a nightmare - but the evidence keeps pointing in this direction - the more we dissect it.

The EX plays the victim - she IS a very good actress - we can at least compliment her on that.

The kids are spoiled and greedy, and the fiance is jumping into the mix and putting her two-cents worth in.

We all know how valuable two cents is now day.
Her contributions and interjections are worthless!

I am SOOOO tempted to out ALL of the manipulative things the EX has done over the years. Things the kids are unaware of. I have a bag full of them.

It wouldn't help anything though - the kids and the fiance are in denial. Just "can't believe" mom would do something like that.(roll eyes).

My DH has experienced the EX's manipulations and contolling ways for years. The skids grandmother has seen her do it, I have seen her do it, people at their daughters wedding saw her do it, the people at the Title Company saw her do it, my SD's counselor has seen her do it.....the EX is one huge manipulating control freak! But she is so NICE about how she does it. }:)