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Just because you should doesnt mean you do

krissykat's picture

Submitted by krissykat on Fri, 07/16/2021 - 10:56am

Don't feel a certain thing just because you think you're supposed to. 

Whether it's to feel love for the step children in your life or any other feeling you don't actually feel. Don't feel bad for how you feel.

My husband and I moved across 2 states leaving both of our families behind to be with his boys so they weren't raised by BM and turn into a mini her. Nobody wants that. Trust we are helping society out on that one.

anyway... everyone on here tells me that he was trying to pull me away from my family which wasn't true because I am the one that told him I wanted to move he was telling me no for months saying he doesn't want to move and take me away from the only city I knew and that visitation was enough for now.

so 8 months later my sister comes to visit because I have had this feeling that I want my family around me more. My parents don't really talk to me not that they did really before I moved unless I showed up. My other siblings (3 sisters and 1 brother$ didn't really have any interest in my either but one of my sisters did come down

let me tell you right now I regret it. It's been two days and all I want is my peace back. She brought her little demon spawn and I know my skids aren't the best but god darn does this kid scream. i havnt slept a wink in 2 days and between following out new German shepherd puppy around trying to keep the potty training train going and dealing with a 4 year old and 10 year old fighting for my attention and now a sister that doesn't discipline her kid (mind you he is 2 but screams and cried more than a newborn and doesn't even talk yet because hasn't had any socialization).. I'm going to scream

and then I remembered. Oh yeah... my family sucks ass

so if you feel like you should be feeling a certain way IE missing your blood family.. don't because they are probably a bunch of a holes

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 07/16/2021 - 11:27am

I'd say your DH and step-sons are your real family now.  Hopefully, sister and spawn leave soon and you can get back to your real life.  It's a nice fantasy that we all stay real close to our original family members in adulthood but it often doesn't work out that way.  It didn't for me, either.  For better or worse, DH, my 2 bios and 3 steps are my real family now.  Good luck and peace.

diver111's picture

Submitted by diver111 on Fri, 07/16/2021 - 11:29am

You might like this short article about : https://medium.com/publishous/nothing-out-of-obligation-20ab46221a6c. 

I have lived in another state from my family of origin for 25 years. We visit 2-3 times a year and that is plenty. My husband's family also lives in another state. He visits maybe 1 time a year; I usually don't go. They never liked me, so I don't spend time with people like that. 

Esperanza's picture

Submitted by Esperanza on Fri, 07/16/2021 - 11:42am

My husband has a horrible family, extremely toxic or distant or both. He tried for so many years to convince himself that they were 'not that bad' that he endured so much emotional abuse he ended up deeply depressed and with an anxiety disorder. This year was finally the year he decided enough is enough an admitted to himself "my family is sh!t" and cut all ties with them. It has been an extremely hard process for him, so many emotions, internal conflict and old traumas coming to the surface but in the end I feel is the best for him.

You are right, sometimes family can be extremely negative and you are better off without them.

keep strong and good luck 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Sat, 07/17/2021 - 1:30am

Younger sister who is a narcissist.  She was catered to and doted on as the golden child by my mother.

My mother and i never really bonded.   I felt closer to my dad but they both are religiously shunning me although well into their eighties.   I send them an anniversary gift once a year.  It was they that moved 8 hours away so that they wouldn't have to "babysit for me" when I was a single, divorced parent with no CS.  They should have known me better since I have always been fiercely independent.

Today at 55, my sister is unhappily married for the 2nd time to her sugar daddy and trolls social media for compliments mainly from men who AREN'T her husband.   She works in a menial job part time for her local school district although often bragging about being the "first to get an Associates Degree in our family. "  She also would be one of those women you see in the news having an affair with a 17 year old guy as her ego and obsession with youth knows no bounds.