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Cosleeping on the weekends

stepmom92's picture

Submitted by stepmom92 on Sun, 07/11/2021 - 7:56pm

My SS4 and SD7 both cosleep with me and DH. SD7 has a bed but doesn't really sleep in it. Sometime she does with me, but I always end up being left alone in it. I don't mind being left in the bed because I get all the room to myself. They only stay on the weekends. DH said it's hard on them going back and forth and is comfortable sleeping with him or us. Should I be more understanding? He said it wouldn't last forever. They also cosleep with their mom as well. 

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sun, 07/11/2021 - 9:32pm

So he is comfortable sleeping with his kids, but has he asked you of you were ok with it? I wouldn't be. Are you? I'm thinking not so much, since you posted about it. Have you told him you do not care to have 2 more people in your bed? 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sun, 07/11/2021 - 10:57pm

This was a hill to die on for me.  When I got to the point of staying over with my DH, his kids (then 2 and 4) slept with him on his time and with BM on hers.  I refused to sleep in the bed with unrelated children, and told him I wouldn't sleep over unless the kids slept in another room.  It must have been good motivation for DH, because he had them sleeping in their own room VERY quickly. I think it helped that there are two of them and they slept together in their own room. 

In any event, it is unreasonable for your DH to expect you to sleep with his children if you are not comfortable doing so, and it is also unreasonable to expect you to sleep alone while he sleeps with his children.  There are things he can do to get them more comfortable with going back and forth besides sleeping with them.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 2:33am

So he doesn't mind them sleeping with an unrelated male or males at bm's place either? 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 5:58am

And the expression "I (insert spoiling/coddling behaviour) because they've been through a hard time with the divorce..." (TM)

Number ONE red flag.

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP (sound of alarms going off indicating a life of misery for SM due to guilty/disney daddy issues.)

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 7:21am

Yikes, no. Sleeping with unrelated children sets you up for false abuse allegations. I'd put a stop to that.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 7:28am

 For God's sake end this now. At some point you will want your privacy. It's one thing with cute little toddlers, but what about preteens and teens? Don't let them get used to thinking your bed is their space. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 7:32am

Absolutely not. DH would sleep on the couch with SD when she was younger. Same excuses. When she turned 8 and after we bought a house. I told him it was inappropriate with even just him at this age. Also, it interrupted "our" time at night. It stopped immediately. 

FinallySkidFree's picture

Submitted by FinallySkidFree on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 9:06am

My GD6 has her own room in our home, but she likes to wake up in the middle of the night and get in my bed. When she comes over, DH sleeps in the guest room, so that if she does climb into bed with me, he is not in the bed with us.

She is very attached to me and I love her cuddles. I assume BM would not be happy to know this but I won't refuse her to stay in bed with me, as long as she starts out in her own bed.

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 9:57am

My SD co-slept until she was 10. They don't grow out of this.  I used to get so annoyed with my husband when he would co-sleep with this preteen when she came over. 

Then we had our babies together and he was adamant about how we can't co-sleep with them. The toddler has been sleeping in her own bed since she was about 6 months old and we have a baby that he is already trying to get out of our room. Double standards much?

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 11:10am

Omg, this would send me over the EDGE.Your toddler, that you have together, he doesn't want in bed with? But has no problem sleeping with a pre-teen on the verge of puberty??? I hope you have confronted him about this. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 11:56am

SD doesn't go sleep anymore thank God. My husband and I had this talk when my toddler was still a baby. It wasn't so much that he wanted to co-sleep with SD it was more like he couldn't deal with it because we had her only every other weekend and BM was still co-sleeping with her. Every night would be a huge fight with SD and she would end up anxious and freaking out. He would co-sleep with her out of necessity. 

He didn't want to go sleep with ours because he didn't want to make the same mistake.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Mon, 07/12/2021 - 1:45pm

I would not be ok with this. Of course we have a no kids in our bedroom period rule. 

Even if my daughter wants to borrow a makeup product or something, she has to ask before stepping foot into our room. DH and I both believe that our bedroom is ours and not a place for kids.