Adult SD Protected by Mom
Hi everyone
I am looking for advise with my situation, I am maried for the second time and love my wife however she has two daughters who are adults 21 & 23.I find that more often than not when I have discusions with my wife the older SD tends to challenge everything I say which I find very irretating and rude. She also is a very messy person never cleans up after herself and when I ask to have her clean up its always later and never gets done. I have tried to express my concerns to SD and mom and usually it starts an arguement with my wife and I, she protects her daughter constantly and makes up excuses due to her having ADHD. I am very tired and don't want to deal with this anyore last night we had a family arguement which blew up and I feel it is 3 against 1, the moderators of this arguement became the 2 SD
Any advise would be appreciated. Thank you
I'd seek marriage counseling,
I'd seek marriage counseling, preferably with someone knowledgeable about stepfamilies. I'd rather discuss this issue with my wife with a trained professional than fight about it with the SDs as spectators.
Are these adults living in
Are these adults living in your home? It sounds like you have a major failure to launch situation.
I would focus less on the mess and behavior and more on they need to get out of your home. Give them 3-4 months to figure it out and save and then they have to go. Get an apartment, work, be a normal adult!!
This would be a hill to die on for me.
File for divorce before more
File for divorce before more time ticks by.
A parent who DOES not correct a disrespectful kid is a problem.
Doubt if it gets better.
You decide what you want and how you want to be treated.
There is a serious lack of
There is a serious lack of boundaries here.
Your marriage is 2 people, you and your wife. The adult SDs are not part of it. They may not get that but your wife certainly needs to understand this. Too many people take the attitude that you married the kids too when you married the bio. That's not true.
If they were your bio kids they still would not have the right to interfere or referee your marriage. If they cannot show respect and gratitude living in your home, then they need to live elsewhere. Your wife especially should show you the respect of dealing directly with you and not letting her kids gang up on you. You may need to arrange a time to privately speak to your wife about these issues, perhaps leaving the house to ensure SDs don't interfere. It will likely take a number of conversations. Maybe go out to dinner and take a relaxed walk afterwards to get her more receptive to talking.