I don't even know where to start other than I'm just venting I suppose.

I've been married for 3 years, living here with my husband for 5+.  Currently I have 2  step sons 14 (M) and 22(M) step children. I've moved into the house they grew up in, and it's such an amazing property there's no discussion of ever leaving it. I used the sale of my house, out of state, to step in and save this house after the divorce. This is common knowledge that I now own 1/2 this house, because I paid for it.

First, my husband is amazing to me, treats me well etc.  I have zero complaint there.  I've read many horror stories on here, and my situation is a bit different.  Both step sons wouldn't dream of calling me names because they know my tolerance level for that would be zero, so would their father's.  So, what's wrong right?  This.

My husband is wonderful but is terrible with money, so that falls squarely on me, and I'm okay with that. Our budge is tight.  Here's what I'm not okay with.  There are ZERO expectations in this household for the boys.  None.  Their Bio Mom says they can have their rooms anyway they wish, because it's their space. Well, they've learned that every space is "their" space, and thus think a pig sty is acceptable anywhere they go. Their rooms, our living room, my car, their cars etc.

Where I'm having the greatest frustration is the oldest right now. 22 years old, and has come to live with us so he can save to move out. The only financial thing I asked is that he chips in 50.00 a week for groceries, that's it.  In four weeks, I've had to hit him up for the money every week (why isn't dad doing that?)  Dirty clothes, dirty dishes left everywhere.  One night I finished all the dishes (again) and he looked at me and said "sorry you did all the dishes and I'm about to add more"  He was serious.  I looked him square in the eye and said, "No, you aren't.  Load them yourself"  He now rides to work with his father everyday, so no gas expenditure, but doesn't offer to chip in. He brags about his hours and hours of accomplishments in video games, and about how amazing it is that he binged watched 7 seasons of whatever.  He wakes up at the last minute for work, and my husband was late to his new job because the eldest was running late. He leaves his clothes in the washer until they smell like mildew, will shove and shove garbage into the can instead of taking it out.  We had a bonfire and he is 6' and a brick house, and watched my 5'1 self gather all the wood alone. He had his underage GF spend the night, and I had to sit my husband down and say NO WAY, unless I speak to her mom, and they sleep in separate rooms.  She's underage (this was when he was 20, and she was 17)   I wake up at 3 AM that night to find the guest room empty, and his door shut with her in there. I get no sleep...I think it's a huge deal.  In the morning I hit him up about it in front of his dad, and he lies.  I already told my husband, and the SS lies right to his face, and his dad says literally nothing. I get to be the voice of reason and the bad guy all the time. I will not have an underage girl in this house with an adult male period, whether her mom is okay with it or not (she was, but I'm not)  Now, he drinks all our liquor and will say "Let's have a drink" fix himself one from ours and drink us out of everything in a few days. His car is disgusting and I'm sick of constantly having this conversation over and over with my husband, who agrees, talks to them (more like mentions sh*t in passing) then does zero follow up.  The boys KNOW that they can just agree and not comply. So not only are they slobs, they are boys that think keeping their word isn't important.   Easy Cheesy.

There's been zero talk in the first 30 days about how much 22 (M) SS has saved, or if he's even looked for a place.  He's currently making as much as my husband is after child support, and his only contribution is 50.00.  I have a funny feeling in 6 months, he'll still be here, drinkin our booze, playing video games, making a complete mess etc.  I think he'd stay here forever if he could, and his dad will do nothing until I b*tch about it.

The youngest now 14 going on 15 is another challenge and acts way too young for his age (he's not special needs FYI).  He's also approaching 6 feet with a mustache at 15, and will eat like a toddler having food all over his face. His mom let him buy a furry onsie at Xmas last year and he wanted to wear it to the store.  I had to gently explain that he's too old to be wearing that in public as clothing. He is constantly making weird noises, yells and is dramatic with everything he does, will come into a room with his phone on full blast watching something, when we're already watching a movie or something. He comes every other week and just eats, plays video games and wants to eat fast food for every meal.  When asked to help us outside in the yard, he stubs his toe and it's like he's cut his arm off and goes inside howling. His dad lets him do it.  I ask the SS if he needs a doctor, and of course the answer is no.  Then he proceeds to ask to go 4 wheeling (the toe he supposedly hurt is his shifting foot) so I say if you can't push a wheel barrel how are you gonna shift?  He knows he's caught in the lie and has to go with it now.  I ask him to do the dishes instead while I finish his work for him outside, and he acts like cinderella.  His dad takes him 4 wheeling an hour later. I don't even wanna go.  He swears...a lot.  I had my mom here, and he comes in the room and says jesus f*cking christ before saying whatever it is he says.  He'll play video games until 3 AM, wake us up yelling with his friends etc, and again dad is mad, but there's no consequence.  After the 3rd time, I walked downstairs unplugged the router and went back to bed. He flipped the next morning when the internet still wasn't working, and I came down with the router and smiled at him, and said "you promised you wouldn't do it again, and here we are, so this is the consequence going forward"  Guess how many times he's woken us up since...zero.

This brings me to the conclusion that my dear hubby is the issue.  The boys are being teenage boys, and their father is more interested in being the "fun" parent than a father turning two boys into men. I've talked, pleaded, begged, screamed...and I'm still here, in this place where I get to be the complete asshole to get change.

They will all be here in just about an hour, and I just wanna lock myself in my clean room, with a bottle of wine and ignore them.  I feel awful, but I'm really starting to hate my situation.  Thank you for letting me rant...