I am a step parent to a 14 year old boy and biological mom to an 8 and 5 year old girl. I have been a parent/guardian to my step son for over 12 years now. My step son sees his mother every other weekend and used to be she could get him every other day but she has moved several times and so the distance and weekly activities don't fit in her schedule and have always fallen on me. I have stayed home from work when he was sick, take care of all school/haircuts/dental/vision appointments etc. recent years parent teacher conferences were just me showing up because she was busy or uninterested and my husband is working out of town and not wanting to take off work to participate. He has never called me mom he has always called me a special nickname since he was 1. His mother has 3 other children with different fathers, she and my husband were never married. She seems very attentive to her youngest that she has with her husband but does not have custody or see another of her sons. So my husband asked her to sign and she agreed a custody agreement when my step son was 2 that stated my husband had sole custody, granted her joint visitation but she is to pay half school expenses etc and my step son will live/go to school where my husband resides. So over the course of his life I have been put in charge of all mom duties at my house. Initially my step sons mother was very snobby and sarcastic to my attempts to communicate. Now I feel we are cordial and that she would prefer communicating with me versus my husband. When my step son was smaller and the girls were being born he was the best big brother and so excited to be around them. I admit that part of what I loved about my husband and what made me want to marry him was seeing him being an attentive loving dad to my step son. 

Now that my step son is a teenager and my girls are getting older we are having serious issues with arguing. My 8 year old and my 14 year old step son fight so much I have to try and prevent them being alone together (last time he grabbed her arm and pulled her to her room, she said it was more like a chokehold) I always tell them never to get physical but it doesn’t help. They both tell me how much they hate each other often. I know some of it is being a kid but I feel like it shouldn’t be this bad. The new teenage attitude from my step son is frustrating and over the past few years my husband has been working out of town during the week so there are times when he isn’t home for over 2-6 weeks and it is me taking care of all 3 unless my step son goes to his mothers on her weekend. I am feeling so burnt out and exhausted, not to mention unappreciated. This year Mother’s Day fell on my step son’s mothers weekend. Last year it did not and she had plans so we spent the day all together but not this year- my husband said not to give her the opportunity to not take him. My step son is a typical teenager with his cell phone glued to him... he texts me often but on Mother’s Day he didn’t even bother to say a word. That is so hurtful to me. I said something to my husband and asked if I should be offended or not and his answer was “probably not”. I’m tired of doing everything I possibly can only to be the ‘step mom’ that no one ever acknowledges or appreciates. I need some guidance on boundaries and how to make it work. I have felt for a while now I need to focus more on my girls but have felt so guilty not stepping up to take care of his needs for him and for my husband. The Mother’s Day thing just brought it all to the surface again. I feel like a doormat and need guidance.. anyone with a similar situation?