Halo, I get you.

DH is the same way. He got a little taste of what I do when I couldn't do (literally) anything with my hip injury.  He was BUSY because no one else could compensate (yeah, ask SD15?  Not an option LOL).  We had a talk about that and he acknowledged how much I actually do - and I told him that he's STILL not doing everything I do because we just let some things go.  That now need doing.  He's def. been more appreciative lately.

We'll see what happens as I continue to improve. With his ADD (and I think your DH is too) I try to not give him too many 'things to do today.' He'll short circuit - he literally does not have the ability to task organize in his head. And if I add to whatever jumble is there - kablooey. 

1) I hire a house cleaner once a month or once every other month - this is non-negotiable for me. He pays a little more of the cost than I do. 

2) I hire yard work help. I can do the basic stuff but for more major things no way.  I would rather spend some of my extra time doing interior improvements (only one last project for me to do by myself in this house....okay, maybe there's one more but that's TBD for now). He simply hates yardwork and will not admit it. He just avoids it.

So for example, I need his help with two things that need to happen today that I physically cannot do yet. I spoke with him last night about it (both will take less than 30 min combined).  And reminded him again this morning. Right now I'm letting him finish up something else then will make sure he does the first thing BEFORE lunch and the last tihng after our work days today.  Incremental follow ups and mak sure there's follow through. Yes, it's annoying but it seems to be working for us.

Yikes. I thought my DH was bad - I guess he's not, really.  He does all the outside work, maybe not in the order or timeliness I'd like, but I don't really care, as long as I don't have to do it.He also does house renovations, again, not as timely as I'd like, but they are big projects.  I have had to learn to live with a house that is perpetually being renovated, because it takes forever for him to finish things (if he ever does, I'm convinced he has ADHD). On the flip side, he does good work and we save a ton of money. 

I get annoyed that he can go whole weekends (in the winter when there is no outside work to be done) doing nothing around the house, whereas, I do the majority of the inside work, so there is always cleaning, laundry, dishes to be done.  We used to go to the dump rather than pay for garbage service, but somehow, it ended up with me being the only one going, so I told him we were paying for garbage pick up. Lately he's been doing little things he didn't used to do, like putting dishes in the dishwasher, taking in the recycling bins, giving the dog his pill,  etc - the little crap that I always did and it added up. Not sure what sparked him to start doing more, but I like it! 

Halo, pay for someone to do the path, that's ridiculous. Make sure he pays half! 

In the hamper he either strips on the floor or drapes dirty clothes over other surfaces.  He does clean the kitchen after he has made horrendous messes while cooking.  He does not clean while he goes, however.

Usually I end up doing all of the outside yard work too and the gardening.  Other projects however Chef is far from lazy; he loves big construction projects but does not like fussy detail finishing work thus a lot of projects around the house go unfinished.

I had this problem with the Ex. I finally got fed up and employed the same rules I had for the kids... Act like a child, get treated like one. I ask for things to be put away, ONCE. You have 24 hours, then the "Black trashbag of doom" (Thanks, DS) comes out & your stuff vanishes to the great beyond, aka the dumpster at my office so you cannot retrieve your items. I don't differenciate for uniforms, expensive items, etc. Harsh, but effective. :-) 

Oh, halo, my DH is exactly the same. Right down to stuffing down the trash rather than taking it out. He's also ADD.

I live pretty close to my work so went home for lunch today. Besides eating lunch, I unloaded 50% of the dishwasher, put the thundershirt on the dog and gave her downers, opened the mail, and put the bills to pay in "my" pile.

Know what HE did? Hit my car when he pulled into the garage. Big ol' black streak down the side. "Oh, baby, I was just so tired and distracted. I'll FIX it."  And, just how will you do that, Buster? He won't.

I'm so tired of being the only grownup in the house.

My SO is the same.  He is good about asking...Did you call this person, Did you do that.  I can nag for years and he won't do what I nag him to do.   He is good about sayng, 'I need to do X.'   I finally started responding, 'You been saying that for 4 years, you ain't doing it this year either.'

I also bitch at him that I have chores I have to do every day, you need to do chores too.  He laughs and ignores me.

Halo, a very wise friend of mine advised me when my DH retired that, should I need to bury a body, to plant a very rare and precious shrub/tree on top of it because it will make the police think twice about looking for it there. I haven't tested this yet, just passing on the advice

Halo,

I have been in your shoes and what you need to do is delegate responsibilities. The problem is that there is no one to delegate to (your husband works outside of the home so gone for 8hrs or more if we cant commute as well). Idk what your situation is but can u afford to delegate by having a cleaner come around twice a month to do the tasks that are overwhelming such as the laundry etc. For the rock, you can find someone o nextdoor to lay it....its fairly easy, you just need manpower. A lot of ppl need jobs/do small gigs due to the pandemic so I would suggest to take advantage of that if your situation allows u to

I dont think u can count much on your partner just because he is gone through the day and most likely wont deal with anymore work at night

For the incontinent dog, have you considered doggy diapers? I highly recommend. Also you can put one of those k9 beds that are like trampolines which are easy to clean (hose it with dawn and bleach)

I too feel stretched thin and on the verge of a breakdown but i dont have a choice and dont know how to handle all my tasks anymore....

They are a blessing for older dogs, takes a little bit to get used to (my big Bax was never comfy in them but got used to them after about 2 weeks). 

But right there with you on DH, reminds me of my ex-H, especially the lint trap and the elliptical. When my ex-H didn't want to do something, he would ask me for "help", which meant, "you do it". When I refused, he would intentionally do it so badly that I had to fix it. The lint trap...we had a dryer fire, guess who put that out and had to do all of the laundry after that? IKEA bookcases were the worst.

but kind of not jealous. I have the opposite but still share your need for a hole to be dug. Mine is too gung ho. We decide to do a project. We set the time to do it. We agree to when to start, what to do, etc. and two days before he's already started and so gung ho that I'm ready to toss him in the hole and plant a lilac bush over him. It's a family thing. His Mom did it, his sister does it. We agree to do something and she shows up two hours early and has it almost done by the start time. Drives. Me. Crazy. 

I'm lucky I guess. SO takes care of everything outside (though we have a small low maintenance yard) and taking out trash.  He also does little maintenance jobs around the house.  Bigger jobs we pay someone to do (like the flooring install to covert Bratty's old room to a lounge).

I take care of cooking dinner and grocery shopping.  He does usually does the dishes.  We each take care of our own laundry and share in the furbaby care. 

We have a cleaning service come in every other week while we are both working.  When I retire we'll stop that and I'll take care of the inside cleaning since they stress out our kitties