Why am i becoming a selfish monster ?
In 5 months i went from a SS loving state of mind (including expecting my son will have his charactere) to anxious thoughts when it comes to him.
I deeply know it's not his own falt at all. I deeply know i crystallize all the tension on him.
I understand it's all about ILs, and a bit about SO (who were scared and apologized for making a new child at the begining).
I spent the 5 first months of motherhood absolutely forced to focus on SS.
- last days of my pregnancy : "you HAVE to LOVE THEM BOTH equally and SHARE all YOUR familly goods EQUALLY" ie. MIL
- 3 weeks old baby : "you have to let him take and kiss the baby even if he is sick, cause he will feel rejected" MIL
- 1 month old baby / christmas : "you have to take care of SS school pathways cause school is really important and he shouldnt have bad notation because of the new baby" SO grand mother
- 2 months old baby : "you should let them share a bedroom, it's a privilege your baby shouldn't have to stay in parental room" SIL
- 3 months old baby : "i have time to care about SS and take him home, but not time to see the baby" ILs
- 4 months old baby : "oh he's not looking like his father (absolutely false by the way. Definitively the same) SS is just the same as his father" MIL
-5 months old baby: money and gifts found on SS9 backpack from MIL while absolutely nothing for my son.
Now, everytime i see SS9, i see differences. I see myself being forced to care MORE about him than my son. And i hate that. Plus, BM loves that his golden child has all these privileges from ILs.
My brain said : Enought is enough !!
And now, i'm only capable of thinking about my baby wellbeing.
Am-i a monster ? Surely ! But i can't do more
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Comments
You are not a selfish monster
You are not a selfish monster. Your MlL is a ________. Sick people, even if family members, do not get to kiss babies. It's not a privilege for a baby to sleep in the parent's room. It's a convenience. If MIL has time for SS and not to see baby, then she can see SS on his BM's time. SS stays with his dad on dad's time. It's not your job to sort out SS's school. SS has two parents for that. What does MIL think she is implying when she says the baby does not look like his dad?
The imortant thing here is whether BF has your back and stands up to MIL.
Monster in law more like.
Monster in law more like.
Can you say cuntzilla?
I knew you could.
As shitty as my steplife has been I had the weirdest people sticking up for me and calling people out on thier dysfunctional BS. My DH X MIL for one but she's a second wife and a stepmom so she knows what it's like for us.
How awful for you that people are handing you that ration of spit when you should be focussed on and enjoying your new baby.
No you are not a monster.
You may be surrounded by a few though.
PS: There's a reason why
PS: There's a reason why they are sometimes called outlaws....
Oh, honey, you are not the
Oh, honey, you are not the monster.
SS has plenty of people to look out for his well being, you look out for you and yours.
You are growing more selfish
You are growing more selfish because your needs aren't being met. You (and your kiddo) aren't being treated as equals while your MIL demands that (and acting the opposite). That urge towards selfishness is just you trying to balance the scales as you MIL puts her thumb on them.
I hope you are communicating well with your DH and that he can see it and understand and insist on you and your son being treated with kindness and respect by his mother. You matter. Your son matters. Your feelings matter. The monster here is your MIL.
Only in steplife could you be
Only in steplife could you be made to feel selfish for wanting to take care of your fking baby. Screw all of them. Let your DH, the BM, or some of these in-laws do SS's schooling. Forget about MIL and whatever gifts she gives or doesn't give. Try to just keep a polite distance. And trust your instincts, for example, keeping sick people away from the baby.
Ignore all of them cut them
Ignore all of them cut them out of your and baby's life and don't concern yourself with SS unless he is harming or affecting your child/house, then you can stand up for yourself.
So your SS feeling rejected
So your SS feeling rejected is worse than your baby DYING?! Glad to know where her priorities lie. What's wrong with your voice? Say it with me "Fuck off ......., my baby isn't gonna die to make SS feel better".
MIL doesn't want to admit my
MIL doesn't want to admit my son has physical similarities with SO. They are absolutely the same : same nose, same blue eyes (mine are brown), same smile, same hands, same shape of head... My own family calls him "mini SO".
MIL is the only one to say : "all his mother, nothing from us. By contrary, SS looks like his father, he is one of us".
I'm sure she rejects my baby by refusing to see any similarities between him and SO.
I seems like i have been through a terrible storm during 5 months, and now, i'm starting to see the light.
Recently, SS started to lie about us, about his dad, he accuses him of mistreatment encouraged by MIL who says to him "call me or text me everytime it's necessary, i will be here to protect you".
She puts him in a victim path, and he loves to be consider like that.
His last lies led us to bring him back to BM. He said to MIL and SIL that his father was horrible and said "horrible things to me".
I refused to be near a victimized liar encouraged by ILs without any protection.
Thankfully, BM didn't believe him, and they decided with SO to start a therapy for him.
And for me, i only accept him in my house with nanny cam. We will install them in every single room (except private area). That's my absolute requirement.
Besides, i decided to cut links with all ILs who made me suffer during what was supposed to by "my moments with my baby". Can't do it anymore. SO does it too.
And for SS, except nanny cams, i have decided to disengage because i have the impression the more we do for him, the more he is unsatisfied. Seems like he think we try to appology for something.
For now and for me, enough is enough.
I will let him deal with his daddy.
Also set boundaries around ss
Also set boundaries around ss interacting with your baby. Keep him away. And about the mil gifts, do not allow him to bring them to your house and brag about them. If he starts bragging and taking about mil and going places w her and getting gifts from her, leave the room or tell him to stop. Start now protecting your child.
In a situation like this,
In a situation like this, grandmother or not, your SO really needs to cease his mother's contact with his son.
Plural. Sons
Plural. Sons
Next time the old bat starts
Next time the old bat starts on about your son not looking like your dh, stare her down coldly and say, "What exactly are you implying?" And when she splitters or tries to wriggle out of her discomfort, add "how DARE you. " Turn on your heel and walk away. Do not engage.
It's time to let her know that you are not her punching bag, dammit!
This is really good advice.
This is really good advice. Don't let the hag insinuate what she's trying to insinuate.