Don’t know how to handle SD anymore
I've known this girl since she was 6 years old. Now 11, with her toxic mother's attitude and way of thinking and her period. She's a blast.
I have tried to get closer to her and when I do, bam something sets us back. I have two daughters with her father, then my oldest son who is 8 from my previous marriage.
My SD has anger and aggression issues. She has no Emotional IQ and no empathy for others. I don't like having her involved with other family members kids because she will hit, kick, pull their hair or tease for absolutely no reason. Then wonders why no one likes her.
now with my son. She has like 70 pounds and 3 years on him. She is constantly hurting him. I think it's underlying resentment from her mom always saying how her dad is not involved with her but he can play step daddy.
last night she kicks my son in the stomach and I flipped. Like wtf if wrong with you? My kids do not act like this with others. They are taught empathy and compassion. I struggle because she's 11, but her mom lets her act like she's 18. No responsibilities, everything is everyone else's fault. And her mom puts everything on my boyfriend. It's all his fault. Some of it is, but he hasn't been the one doing the majority of her upbringing. The mom has. But there is no talking with her about SD behavior because nothing is ever SD fault.
Im to the point where I am not going to fight for us to see SD more, I just want her to stay away tbh. I don't want her influence on my kids. I'm tired of the bs that comes with her. I talked my bf out of moving out of state FOR HER.
Im kind of disappointed that I got back with him because I'm stuck dealing with his daughter again.
Im guilt stricken because I know she's 11, and she mimics what she sees and hears. But she's old enough to understand what to do and not to do.
I feel torn and I don't want to be an issue between my man and his kid but damn. What about my kids and their physical and emotional well being?
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Comments
Your first duty is to keep
Your first duty is to keep your children safe. Do what you must to ensure that. No man is worth letting his spoilt bully of a daughter beat up your son.
Thank you but I'm not putting
Thank you but I'm not putting a man before my son. I'm trying to get some advice how to deal and feel with my SD. But if he doesn't fight for our family I will leave him and he knows this. I can take care of my kids on my own, but I'm trying to keep their father in their house. He is a good dad, we have our hands tied with the situation with BM and having two houses with two different parenting styles.
What would you do if someone
What would you do if someone called CPS On you for the injuries to your son? It's your job to keep him safe , it's all of the adults in house responsibility to keep the kids safe , in general and from each other. Questioning your choice to go back to a toxic situation AND knowing you chose poorly?? I got nothing. You've been "dicktimized" as we say around here. Put your parent hat back on and take another look at your situation.
Hahaha! I wasn't dick whipped
Hahaha! I wasn't dick whipped in this situation. We have a long history and a connection I gave up on for a few years and we tried it again. Every other aspect is fine, except having a SD That lives with BM who has a very different parenting style then our house. And I'm done with it. He knows if we do not get it resolved, we either split, or he goes over there to visit her. Those will be the options because I will not say choose her or us because that's just wrong. But I will not keep that girl acting like that around my kids.
that's why I'm on this site. I'd like some advice and hope in knowing it's not just me going through this with kids.
Siblings have issues, but at
Siblings have issues, but at the end of the day it is your responsibility to provide safe environment for your children.
If she is abusive to your children that will effect them and that's not ok.
I have made it clear OSD is not allowed in my home unsupervised. I don't trust her and have no reason to. That's on her, not me. She continuously violates rules and boundaries with her IDGAF attitude and SO is too soft to do anything to stop it.
It's on both of them and I don't feel sorry for being an able bodied parent with clear expectations.
If SO has a problem with my ultimatum, I simply point out I wouldn't have to set an ultimatum if he could control his kid.
That's exactly what I have
That's exactly what I have done. Those two are not allowed to be left alone like if we would go to the store or something. Can't even leave them alone for two mins in the living room. She has a "I didn't do anything" or a "but it wasn't a big deal" attitude. I told my SO it's going to be addressed and change, or we will split, or he can go to his ex's house to see her. I'm done having this girl do this to my kid and having that kind of influence around all of my kids.
Sounds like you are asking us
Sounds like you are asking us the magic words to say to him that will magically get through to him. You'd have better luck banging your head on a brick wall. There are no magic words. You know this. You know you are spinning your wheels with him. SD is his daughter and she will always be on his mind. If he can't be proud of her, he will carry guilt over his poor choices. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a change and not getting one: I think they call that the definition of insanity.
Yep, doing the same thing
Yep, doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity!
Where’s her father?
Where is your boyfriend when all this is happening? He doesn't discipline her at all? It's not just on the bm it's also his job since he's in your house to discipline her and let her know that is unacceptable. I would have a talk with him and let him know if he doesn't get it under control she is not welcome in your house and if he wants to see her he can go see her or move into his own place cuz no way that crap is tolerable.
That's exactly what happened.
That's exactly what happened. He addressed it with her mom. And they are all going to discuss it with her counselor so n Thursday because those are the options left. Either he goes over to see her or we split up. She has bully issues and it's not just with my son but with all kids that she comes in contact with. That's why no other kids in my family want to spend time with her.
I don't get it. Seems like the ladies on here think I just let this go and he doesn't try. I assume they all have perfect kids who listen the first time lol. My son messs with her too, it's not just her. But she takes it the the EXTREME!!! And that's the problem. She's an instigator so she can use the excuse he kicked me first. Yes hun that's what happens when you walk in and out of a room smacking him in the head over and over.