I think that, in comparing an intact family situation with a step family situation, you are comparing apples and oranges. 

:) 

I agree with Winterglow. This is a place steps come to vent Thier frustrations without judgement and get advice and support.

I am assuming you love and respect both your parents equally.in step life the children are the same. They love both thier parents equally. But their are times where although the stepparent came along after seperation or divorce. They become the target of the children's emotions related to that seperation as well as the scapegoat for problems and conflict between BPs.

You seem to be referring to the term "mini wife". The difference in what you are describing and what is discussed on here is when SDs intentionally engage in behavior to interfere in their fathers new relationship. They intentionally do and say things to instigate conflict between BP and SP, like telling lies, making accusations. 

I will give you an example. I did more for OSD than both of her parents. But when OSD decided she didn't like me anymore. Mostly because BM didn't want her to and like I said SKs love their parents and are loyal to them. When I wasn't around she would tell her father that I was making up lies about her to him try and intentionally get him upset with her and damage their relationship. 

Whenever OSD and SO had an argument about anything she would blame me for her behavior and actions. " It's your girlfriend's fault, I am acting this way."

Often times the SD is in alliance with a HCBM who wants to see the BD relationship fail and interfere in that relationship as much as possible due to HCBMs anger, jealousy or general need for control over everything. 

In my situation HCBM had a target on me because when I came along I put a stop to SO constantly forking out money, or helping BM especially since at that time he had SKs all the time and BM would not even come and take them for a night to give home a break. 

They had not been together for over 13 years when I came along and she was a gorwn up with a job who was just using and taking advantage of SO. She also had another child with her current BF. 

Wicked talked about mini-wife above. Another toxic behavior, even though it looks "good" on the surface is enmeshment (which is very similar to codependency). It manifests when parents and adults don't have appropriate boundaries, and their close relationship hinders other relationships or growth.

In American culture, the kind of relationship you have with your dad would be likely considered enmeshed. Your parent should be your parent, not your best friend. No adult woman should be sitting on a grown man's lap except his wife (and whomever else he and his wife deem to be okay with it, who also happens to be a non-related adult). Your sister being 28 with a stable career and long-term boyfriend while still living at home is weird. It shows a lack of independence and reliance on the parental home, which is the exact opposite of what kids are supposed to do, which is launch.

The problem with enmeshment is that it's hard to show people who are enmeshed that it's problematic, because for those people, it's a fine arrangement so long as it can always stay the same. Problems with enmeshment between parents and kids tend to rear their ugly heads when the kids begin looking for independence outside the parental home.

Want to get married? Parents tend to be overly protective and involved, which a healthy new spouse isn't going to appreciate or want. Want to move into an apartment alone? Your dad complains every weekend you don't come home for family dinner. You start to have a change in world view? You're breaking your mother's heart by not following tradition /religion/familial values, and the reason for her broken heart is entirely thrown onto you.

Enmeshment only works when there is no growth or change, but there will be the inevitable change of a parent's death. When that happens, enmeshed kids cannot function because they were never whole humans on their own. Enmeshment happens frequently in divorced families due to guilt and lonesomeness on the parent's part. That doesn't mean that it's exclusive to stepfamilies, though.

I'm not saying their aren't cases of evil stepparents. But more often than not, that's not the case. Also not all people have bad experiences. My last relationship, I absolutely adored my SS and talk with him still. 

I never interfered in SOs relationship with SKs. I always included them in everything. I never cared when they would climb in our bed to watch a movie and hang out. 

One day I just became the root of all evil, the scapegoat, the bad guy. 

That's how most people on this site feel. Trust me when I tell you most people go into this situation blind, with rose colored glasses. Only to wake up in the twighlight zone.

My 25-year-old niece is like you are with your father. Sitting next to him with her head on his shoulder. Sitting on his lap. Intact family. I personally think it's icky. No one else in our family had ever done that with their father. My sister, her mother, doesn't seem to care, so whatever. 

OP, as long as your mom's needs are still being met by her spouse and she firmly holds the spouse/mother role with no challenges for that role by the children then its comparing apples and oranges to what others may have experienced here.  You are from a culture that cohabitation with extended family is the norm.  Works great if everyone gets along but I'm sure there are some Indian families where there is conflict in the household and someone is forced to feel like an outsider. Sounds like you have an affectionate and pleasant family.  

There is enmeshment and dysfunction in my husband's extended family. It's a partner in crime kind of enmeshment, not the lovy-dovy kind. 

I just came to say that dating across cultures is hard for a lot of reasons. If either family doesn't accept their child's partner, it's hard. It's isolating to be in the middle of this big, close family and know that most of them tolerate you at best.

It's also hard to tell if certain behaviors are cultural or just plain dysfunctional. Also, i learned that some behaviors are both! Just as American families can have elements that can be both dysfunctional and also uniquely American, others are just the same. Some families were dysfunctional long before they arrived here, and will continue to be forever! 

You are on here for a "friend"?

What is the issue. Does your "friend" have a SD? 

So many people here have done a fair and thorough job discussing step family dynamics in the context of culture. But you said you came here looking for support for a friend. So I want to address that. I'm not an expert, but this is my advice:

1) Pay attention to all red and pink flags. She's not imagining them. She's not blowing it out of proportion. Note the things that make her feel uncomfortable and make sure she listens to that and addresses those issues. Those problems tend to get worse after marriage. And if that man tries to gaslight her and expect her to treat his kids as their own, then he can back right off. If she's not bringing children into this, Then he can't say he does the same in return. And straight up, he probably wouldn't.

2) separate finances. I know everybody feels differently about the stuff, but I am not paying for the mistakes somebody else made. I am not paying for $40,000 weddings for children I don't even like. I want to treat myself to things and go on trips without feeling like I'm taking food out of the mouths of children. They are not my financial responsibility. And straight up legally, your friend has no rights to these children she doesn't get to make medical decisions or school decisions or anything. But also legally they can come after her financially. There are tons of stories on this site of ex wives using the step parents income to try and get more CS. Separate accounts!

3) baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. If your friend jumps in the deep end headfirst, there's likely to be more consequences. If she and the kid or kids take things very slowly, then they can adjust as they go and feel out what's gonna work best for their dynamic going forward. If she rushes in trying to be step mommy and make everything feel like a first family, she's in for a world of hurt. I personally like my stepmom a lot. In fact, I have more in common with her than my biological mom. But she is emphatically not my mother. And the reason we get along so well is that she has boundaries. 
 

those are just the guidelines that have helped me the most and have kept us for more friction in a lot of instances. Good luck to your friend. I really hope she ends up being one of the success stories and doesn't end up needing to come back here.

To simply put it: when you sit on your dad's lap for attention do you do it to make your mom jealous or to make her feel like she isn't as important as you? Do often feel like your dad should choose you in any and all situations-not sometimes, ALL, instead of your mom? Because that is the mentality of the type of relationship you are specifically speaking on. There are plenty of educated articles written by specialist going deeper into the subject so you can look them up if you like but I don't think it applies to you. 

Sidebar: I do think it is highly inappropriate for you to be sitting on your dad's lap, holding his hands and displaying any of those sentiments that a couple would display.....but I think this comes down to where we live and how we are raised. In the deep south, it is very common for incestious relationships to occur in fact as a teacher we are told to look out of odd things like this to report because so often it is a family member or close friend that prey on young children so all of these are all giant red flags.  Just a different perspective for you. 

Hi there I'm from the uk and although in comparison to most people I know I have a close relationship with my parents. I won't however sit on my dads knee/sleep in bed with either parent etc. Mine is more an emotional closeness that I know no matter what I do, where I am or who I'm with they will give me their 100% support. I talk to both frequently will call etc. I used to see them every couple of weeks before COVID. We do hug and kiss on the cheek on special occasions like birthday Xmas. Maybe it's a culture thing.
Small children get mega loved on though. Loads of hugs but as they get older I think it naturally tapers off. Even with my own children I'm not as physically close as I was when they were younger. They still get hugs and kisses told they are loved but we don't "snuggle up" like we did when they were younger they don't spend time laying in bed with me they don't hold my hand everywhere (only while crossing busy roads now). 
My sd10 usually gets in the middle of me and dh to cuddle him effectively pushing me away from him or sits on him so her body is covering his. She also says things like "he's MY daddy" if one of my children tries to give him a hug or if I'm sat next to him. If we are out she will hold BOTH his hands so he can't hold hands with anyone else. In my opinion she might as well p**s on him to mark her territory. Because all these actions are followed by her shooting daggers at the 'invader.' She used to intentionally break all my things no one else's items got touched but she always managed to accidentally break/rip/smash anything of mine. She doesn't do it anymore either because she got fed up of being told off or because I don't have anything left that's breakable. Could be something really ridiculous I stuck some foam letters to a door saying "I love you more" for my dh so she got a pen and scribbled on them. They didn't cost anything they were left over from a craft project we (me and mine) had already done. So no harm done financially but that she had to ruin it was really upsetting. These are the kids I think most are talking about when they're talking about this type of stuff.