This is more of a rant, I’m feeling very frustrated. DH is backtracking from what we discussed the other night about giving a 6 month window to see if things improve. I know he loves them, no matter how awful they treat him, he remembers how the kids were 5-6 years ago. I do too, but I realized a long time ago those kids are gone and they are never coming back. Not my kids though.

SStween used to be a sweet kid and not the angry, hate filled, destructive monster that he is today. He wasn’t impacted too severely by the alienation until around age 6 1/2. SDteen loved her dad so much, she tried hard at things, was helpful with SS, she was a good kid, in the beginning she and I were close too, DH and I used to get a lot of hugs. Now she will never do more than the bare minimum for anything, I haven’t had a hug in years, never mind DH. She is a spy for her mother and her mother’s mouthpiece to anyone that will listen.

I still remember this like it happened yesterday, it was so shocking to me at the time, that even having heard something for herself, SD would still deny it, but it shows how far down the alienation rabbit hole she’s gone, and this was a couple years ago.

SS got in trouble at school. DH asked him what happened. SD chimes in, “He called his teacher a f’ing idiot!” (When the alienation really kicked in, SS learned a whole bunch of new, colorful words) DH tries to get her to go away, so he can have a calm discussion with SS but SD is winding up SS and SD has to put herself in the middle of any drama. DH asked why he got angry with his teacher, got to the bottom of it quickly (basically teacher asked him a question he didn’t know the answer to and put him on the spot, he got angry) and then talked to him about the outburst, you don’t call people that. What followed was along these lines:

SS (to DH): BM says it all the time! You’re an f’ing idiot too! [Yes, we’ve heard and gotten the emails, we know]

SD: BM talked to your teacher! BM said she does NOT say that so she doesn’t! (SD and SS were present during BM's talk with the teacher)

SS: Yes she does! You’ve heard her!

SD: No she doesn’t! She told your teacher she doesn’t say that and BM doesn’t lie! You’re a liar!

SS: YOU’VE HEARD HER! SHE SAYS IT ALL THE TIME! [Yes she does SS, yes she does]

SS was sobbing at that point and threatening SD so DH had to shut them both down. SD kept calling him a liar for the rest of the day. If that’s not enmeshment, I don’t know what is.

Back to the rant, I reminded DH of that one last night, he remembered it too. Any allegations BM throws at us, SD will back her on and she’s at an age where authorities are now going to believe her. 

We have to watch our own backs if this is going to continue. I have an old nanny cam that I bought when the kids started staying over in case BM tried to make false allegations, I’m seriously considering getting it back out. Anyone have any other suggestions on documenting or protecting yourselves? DH and I both used to keep journals but it became exhausting and depressing to keep those going. Full house security cameras aren't an option.