Rant about SD14, imitation is the highest form of flattery?
Hi all.
I've posted once before about my relationship with my stepdaughter who is about to turn 15, and while I care for her and look after her to the best of my ability, my feelings aren't exactly warm toward her. I think I'm very good at faking my love however because my husband certainly has no idea how I feel.
I have two problems. One is a very typical teenager trait, she thinks she knows everything. If her Dad and I are having a conversation, she always has to give her opinion or correct something I've said. She does this to her siblings too, so it's not just me. As I said, I know it's a very typical teenager trait. But it does get annoying. She also sometimes "innocently" asks things or insinuates things. For example the other day, I ate something that had milk powder listed in its ingredients (I am a vegan) and today during a chat I was having with her Dad in the car about the food item, she pipes up from the back and says oh so sweetly "does that have milk in it?".
It was an odd question because milk powder is not an obvious ingredient, hence why I accidentally ate it. I asked her what made her ask that, and she admitted she'd read the ingredient list. I asked her if she knew that already why did she ask? She just said she didn't know.
A small thing to some people I know, but I know what she meant. She was having a covert dig at me for having a non-vegan food item. (She is not vegan btw)
She does this "innocent question" thing a lot. 
The second thing. I feel really petty and almost embarrassed posting about this, but here goes. Music is a huge part of my life and always has been. I have a massive library full of music that has shaped my life in some way. Bands I saw with friends as a teenager, albums I cried to in my 20s, songs I played when I was in labour etc.
The last few times we've been for drives as a family, she's been playing her music through the main stereo. Every single song is lifted from my library. Even the most unusual and obscure songs, she has them.
Now I know that gatekeeping music is ridiculous and I'm sincerely not trying to do that. It's more coming from a place that I'm concerned she doesn't seem to have her own personality. I know I should be flattered but it's not like we share music as an interest. If we did I'd be excited but she's never mentioned being interested in any of the music I like, but she'll randomly post something about them on her social media. For example the other day she posted a picture of her face surround by a photoshop of my favourite bands logo. I know for a fact she doesn't listen to them. What is going on?!
I know I'm probably just a crabby old cow, and I honestly don't know why it upsets me. But I feel like it's a prominent part of my personality and it's not so much flattering as creepy maybe?
Do you think maybe she likes
Do you think maybe she likes the music? My siblings and I grew up listening to our parents' music. As teens, my older sister and I "took over" the radio, but my younger sister never did, and to this day prefers my parents' music to more contemporary stuff. If your SD doesn't genuinely like the music, then it's kind of creepy.
Sounds like she's assuming
Sounds like she's assuming some of your identity - probably doesn't have one of her own. It's one thing to take music from your library, that makes sense since you seem to have a vast one - but the putting your favorite bands that she doesn't listen to on her social media speaks more to her not having an identity of her own.
Probably not a toxic thing.
Probably not a toxic thing. I would surmise that she is emulating you and knows that your music is important to you. So... it is important to her.
A cautionary element of SParenting is that we often take innocent or even positive things and build them into something negative. IMHO this is no different than me knowing the words to the music my parents were enjoying when I was growing up. My dad is a "singer". He sings all of the time. He used to serenade my mom and they would dance around the house together. I have a bunch of pics of them dancing together going back over 50 years. He does have a great voice btw.
Music an important thing to many people and the music our parents enjoyed is often engrained in our psyche. You are her parent. Since music is obviously a big part of your life, it is a big part of hers as well.
Deep breaths.
This is not necessarily a bad or negative thing.
Crank up your tunes and belt out the songs. She may just join you... with a smile on her face.
I think it’s weird
I guess I find these things weird too and agree. But I also don't think there's a lot you can do about it. I would unfollow on social media accounts so you don't have to see stuff like her pretending she likes bands she doesn't listen to, but I would guess it's actually a combination of actually low key admiring and emulating, and half seeing if there's a button she can push.