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Am I wrong?

Rbm2019's picture

Submitted by Rbm2019 on Thu, 02/04/2021 - 8:37pm

Today is our 2nd wedding anniversary.  When we first got married we eloped, and as soon as the ceremony was over we went back to the house and SS. We had 2 hours alone that day (ceremony&pictures). Our 1st anniversary we weren't even together for. Now this year we at least went for dinner, but of course SS just had to come too. My DH doesn't understand why I would be upset at not celebrating. Am I wrong to think that when SS is there it's not an actual date or anniversary dinner? Especially when I forgot the nursing cover at home and spent half the meal in the truck nursing the baby. We have a DH that's 10 months and is always with us. 

Comments

GrudgingSM's picture

Submitted by GrudgingSM on Thu, 02/04/2021 - 9:13pm

Because of course you aren't wrong! Even anniversaries after kids are supposed to be special. that doesn't mean lavish, necessarily, but you should be creating traditions with each other and have some alone time! IMO he owes you an apology and an anniversary do-over. I don't think it always has to fall on the actual date either. In fact, DH and I have all the kids in Valentines so we are celebrating on a different day. But you deserve something special 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 02/05/2021 - 7:00am

You aren't wrong at all.

I remember some of the best date nights with my exH when my kids were babies were putting them to bed- splurging on take out sushi and popping in that netflix DVD. Candles in the livingroom and it be just the 2 of us. 

Those were to good times for us. Having a nursing baby can make "date nights" hard and having a stepkid makes them harder. You still have to carve out time for the 2 of you and your marriage. Ask for a do over- try a date night in-- NO KIDS in the room with you.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Fri, 02/05/2021 - 7:53am

You aren't wrong for wanting to celebrate your anniversary (and sans kids), but bringing the baby isn't exactly a date night, either. I understand that the baby is your mutual child, but both children are your DH's. He may see you bringing baby as a sign that SS is welcome since they are both his children.

If you want to celebrate your anniversary and it's important to you, tell your DH that it's important to you. Then you two need to work to find a sitter for BOTH kids, and you two need to divide up the responsibility for planning your anniversary.

Addendum: DH and I got married in our living room on an SK weekend, so they were here the entire time. Our anniversary is at the start of Christmas break for the boys, so they have always been around when our anniversary falls. We usually just celebrated early before the kids came to stay for the holidays. This year, since OSS was home from college, we kicked him to BM's house one night so we could be alone. Things have now changed, so next year we'll either kick them both to BM or we'll go stay in a hotel overnight.

As much as I'd LOVE to have our anniversary be totally kid-free, it just never lines up that way. DH and I agreed early on to just be flexible and shift things around. He doesn't get upset when I say the boys need to disappear for the night, or if I say I want to go on a date (pre-COVID) while SKs stay home. We order them food, have asked MIL to babysit when they were younger, and BOOM! Date night.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Fri, 02/05/2021 - 8:45am

Last night and I came across a video made by a divorse lawyer. He said the number one way to prevent divorce is to set special time apart for you and your spouse for date nights and to reconnect . He said tell everyone else no. Tell your kids no and your in laws and your boss no and make your spouse the priority. And he ought to know