Wow... SS didn’t even say Happy Birthday
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It was my birthday this week an my kids wrote in our group text happy birthday and my husband told his kids to not forget to wish me a happy birthdate so oldest SS did snd youngest wrote "I'm in class" snd never said a word. I can't stand how rude these kids can be. I honestly don't care about me but I would be mortified if my kids did this to my husband or shying else. We just can't seem to have any influence over these kids on how to tread people kindly. They are like this to everyone just like their mother. They literally treat people like dirt. DH is so embarrassed over their behavior but if he corrects them they cry to their mother and she tells them he's wrong. Ugh!
How do you know your DH told
How do you know your DH told them to wish you a HBD? Did he do it in a group text?
This is one of the things I detest about group texts.. it should'nt be used for messages only meant for "one" person.. or a subset of the group. Your kids should text you directly.. .he should text his own kids directly.
If you aren't particularly close with his kids.. I'm not sure I would naturally expect a message.. (or care). Also, if their mom does any monitoring of their phones.. perhaps they don't want to wade into that viper pit with her?
He told me. He did message
He told me. He did message them directly. My kids did message me directly and on the group chat and called me and FaceTimed me and stopped by with their dad. They just did it all. They are kids. Lol!! Like I said, I don't care at all but DH does and doesn't like their behavior. I would be upset if my kids didn't say happy birthday to family members too. I have raised my kids to just be kind!!! Whether super close of not, just be kind to others. Again, I couldn't care less! I expect it at this point but it's sad how they treat others and DH doesn't like it.
Honestly, he would have been
Honestly, he would have been better off not telling you. It didn't serve any purpose other than to remind you that his kids fell short. Just not getting wished the day in itself, wouldn't have been as bad.. but knowing they were reminded.. somehow makes it worse and all it did was serve to make you feel bad. Why does he want you to feel bad or have negative feelings towards his kids.. that is all he did when he told you that.
Omg. Lol... he doesn't want
Omg. Lol... he doesn't want to make me feel bad. He's an amazing husband. He told me right after he texted them. He had no idea they wouldn't sat jsopy birthday. I don't care AT ALL. My feelings are not hurt. I do not feel bad. I said that. Him telling me didn't upset me. It's DH that's upset.
I don't mean that he "wants"
I don't mean that he "wants" you to feel bad consciously.
But, you are upset by this on some level. "They are so rude" etc..
I meant more that he spoke without thinking when he told you.. because there are only a few outcomes.
Best case:
1. They do wish you a happy birthday but it's been "cheapened" by your knowledge that he had to remind/ask them to do this.
Worst Case
2. You know that they were reminded and think that they chose to show their indifference to you by purposefully not wishing you a happy birthday.
Neither scenario improves your relationship or opinion/feelings towards his kids.
I am not saying that spouses should "hide" things from each other.. but I have personally reminded my SD's to wish their dad a HBD.. and didn't tell him... because maybe they would have remembered.. maybe my text helped bring it to the front of their mind.. or maybe they flat out forgot...but all he sees is the message from them... it's not a lie to not tell him that I did remind them.(unless he outright asks).
It's unfortunate that they were not able to follow through on his reminder.. I'm sure it was a disappointment to him.. but it also sounds like it hurt your feelings on some level.. or made you angry to an extent as well.
I would let your DH know not
I would let your DH know not to bother reminding his progeny to wish you a happy anything, because it's not organic and they don't mean it. It's obvious his kids are being raised to be thoughtless, so who cares. At least your kids did something and that's what matters. If it upsets your husband so much, well then he probably should have done more sooner and put his foot down a long time ago...he can cry about it now all he wants, his lack of action has consequences.
He does constantly. This isn
He does constantly. This isn't his fault. He's been severely alienated by the mom. She has withheld them and puts all sorts of crap on their heads. My husband has done everything and we see a family therapist weekly to navigate through this crap storm the ex wife has set up. We are in a law suit, we go to therapy. We had the kids in therapy until she removed them. He talks to them, volunteers with them, tried to get them to be good humans but mom's influence is stronger. He has tried and tried and tried. From day one. He does not put up with them being disrespectful to me ever. But, they are with their mom right now so him calling them will do more harm then good.
Meh
I no longer care if the skids wish me happy anything. I really view them as random acquaintances that I meet thru a friend of a friend. They would not be people I would choose to spend time with and am pretty sure they feel the same way about me. I used to care a whole lot about this sort of thing, now not at all. I also let my DH know he is not to remind them of significant date or events. In my world if u need reminding the greeting is worthless.
Agreed!! Like I said. I don't
Agreed!! Like I said. I don't care. DH is the one that is upset. He's tried everything!!
I'll be honest, I don't get
I'll be honest, I don't get this. Yes, I get that he wants them to be nice human beings, but they are kids, and if they aren't in the home with you on your birthday or the day of celebration, why should he expect them to wish you a happy birthday from afar? I don't expect my SS21 to remember my birthday or care about it, and I'd be highly annoyed if DH texted him and insisted he wish me a happy birthday. I don't even expect my nieces and nephews to remember my birthday, it's nice if they do, but if they don't, I really don't see that as a moral failing.
I expect my kids to wish
I expect my kids to wish their immediate family members a happy birthday. Their dad, stepdad, stepbrothers, each other and grandparents. It's normal to tell kids to call theur granny on her birthday. No difference here. It's just how you raise kind people who think of others. I get why he would expect that. I personally don't care at all!! But, I understand how he would be upset.
I guess, for immediate family
I guess, for immediate family, yes, which might include stepparents if you have a close relationship with them. I don't see myself as stepmom though, just Dad's wife. And given the alienation situation with his kids, I think he's expecting way too much. He'd be wise to dial down his expectations. His kids aren't free to see you as stepmom either.
That I can understand but I'm
That I can understand but I'm been in their lives since they were 7 and 9 and we are close. Not super close but they call me stepmom and consider me family. Or at least that's the impression they give when with us. Maybe they actually don't though which it fine but again, I think DH feel disappointed with their overall attitude.
My exes older daughter would
My exes older daughter would always wish me a happy birthday, send a little gift etc.
His son wouldn't, but that didn't worry me at all - he lives in another country and I hardly know him.
But mini wife daughter would not wish me a happy anything, hahahahaha!
Yeah, honestly I think he
Yeah, honestly I think he sees my kids being thoughtful and always going out of their way to wish people well (and believe me, they have their own quirks don't get me wrong!!! Lol. Nobody is perfect) but they definitely think of others and truly are kind hearted. My oldest daughter made a big deal about his last birthday and wanted to take the family out for breakfast. She asked the other kids if they wanted to pitch in, my other daughter said yes, and stepsons were like "no. I'm spending my money on myself" not that they has to contribute but their answer?? Ugh!! My husband is very good hearted and thoughtful as well so I think it just bothers him that he couldn't even say HB.