Can't let the 2 teens back in my home
New here but freaking out because my boyfriend who lives with me just said he is getting a u-haul and bringing his 17 and 18 year olds stuff to move back in. I don't know how to tell him no. We tried it before it didn't work. We had a horrible break up and they moved out. We reconciled but he stayed with his mom with the kids but recently moved back with me. When his kids came he stayed with them at his mom's. All of the sudden his mom will not let her grandchildren over because of Coronavirus. I already told him when we got back together I needed to raise my 2 teens. First of all my place isn't big enough. His kids took over my beautiful redone basement. My kids had no where to go but be in their rooms. His kids are the most spoiled ungrateful kids ever. That have rooms of their own at their moms. They only come to visit dad when they want something. Plus his older son will be going away to college and I don't want his crap taking a room in the basement when my 14 year old doesn't even have a real bedroom. How do I even begin to tell him I rather he gets his own place? I don't want to lose him but I lost my sanity last time. When they would come over it was like nothing pleased my boyfriend or the royal kids he has.
First off, he's your BF, not
First off, he's your BF, not husband. Also, sounds like this is rightfully your place? If you SOLELY own, he doesn't need to be TELLING you anything. You have the right to say who is and is NOT allowed to move in. Sounds like you have already tried once. This is plenty reason to not go down the same path. Let him know you're not trying to keep him from his kids, he can go rent a place with them if he wants. But they aren't moving in YOUR home. I wouldn't budge on this one.
Thank you so much! I needed
Thank you so much! I needed to hear that. I do love him but I do have to raise my own kids. I don't want to ever regret it. I need to just straight up tell him no. He needs to finish raising his kids also.
Just incase you need to hear
Just incase you need to hear it again....
Who TF does he think he is TELLING YOU who is going to move into YOUR freaking house?! Particularly when you were nice enough to try once before and chaos ensued!
His mom probably doesn't want his kids in her house for the same reason you didn't - they weren't raised well. And it would be difficult at best, if not impossible to correct that now. But I'm sure your bf will try to convince you it will magically just be better this time. It won't. It will be worse.
Why doesn't he have his own place anyway? Why was he living with his mom?
It's nice to know I'm not being selfish
I absolutely will not let it happen again. We met at a time both are kids are just to old to be trying to blend. As far as him living with his mother I believe it's an old school Italian thing which I told him last time we broke up that a grown man who is 45 should have a place of his own. His kids deserve that with their dad. I feel he had this expectation that I should be their mother and thinks his kids will be living with him until they get married. I told him I would never live my life like that. I love mine and expect them to live on their own one day. I think it's healthy to live on your own before you would marry anyone. I've been on my own since I was 19. I told him his kids could come by anytime. Have dinner with us and vaca with us. They honestly don't want to live here anyways. Once I got my license I never slept at my dad's again but visited often. Actually we had a way better relationship that way. Teens want to be with their friends and let's face it usually live with mom. My kids unfortunately only have me. I need to be here for them 100%. No man will go above that right now. I already told my boyfriend I wouldn't get married til the day my kids were off and we'll adjusted.
Good for you!
Good for you!
Yea...grown man living with mom is just yuck.
Yeah - Italian families do
Yeah - Italian families do tend to have adult kids living there until they get married - but not after they've been married and have teen kids! That's beyond cultural and into serious "Mama's Boy" territory.
Plus I told him for Christmas
Plus I told him for Christmas I think he and his kids should be together and I wouldn't be attending their party. I made it clear that my kids really didn't want to go to his brother's home for Christmas which nobody in the family has ever met my kids after 2 plus years now. His kids have met my whole family and have even been included in our huge family trips. Early today he said that I need to pick up wine for the party for his brother's and how I'll be so bored because everyone will be playing cards. Hello! I said I'm not going.
His kids popped back after 2 months because they both want their Christmas $ and both have expensive car repairs. He doesn't get that after he pays for it all they won't come around again for months. I really don't care what he does for them but the little craps will threaten not to see him if he didn't fix their cars.
I'm really starting to see I couldn't even marry him in the future because it would never be what we want in life it will be what his kids want. He created this entitlement with the rest of that family so they can deal with it.
God forbid if the house wasn't perfect for this brats when they did come. They would even sit in my living room with their dad discussing how the furniture should be arranged and that they should change this and that. Really! What teen boys even give a crap?
Please let all of us know how
Please let all of us know how this turns out. These are the kind of blogs that we need an ending to. Good Luck. Oh and stay strong.
It's fine to tell him they
It's fine to tell him they can't move in. If he wants to throw a fit oh well. No way I'd let DH move his teens into my house.
Just say no. If he persists,
Just say no. If he persists, tell him to get his OWN place with them. And that is the only option you are offering. The door is always open but only as an exit.
Tell him to bring that U-Haul
Tell him to bring that U-Haul empty, so he can get his stuff to move out. He's got a lot of nerve just informing you that he plans to do something that caused you two to break up already once. Clearly he hasn't learned a thing.
Not many posts here get my
Not many posts here get my blood pressure right up - but yours did! Please do not let this knob-end and his vile teens into your home. He is as bad as they are in riding rough-shod over your feelings and your expressed wishes.
My blood pressure is up and
My blood pressure is up and my feelings are hurt because he obviously isn't listening to me. I've been probably to kind. I just can't understand why he can't do anything with his kids without me. I enjoy spending time with mine and think it's important to. I'm just really pissed that he pulled this on me me the 1st time I have gotten a break in over a month. Plus right before Christmas I have to address this. I think it is incredibly selfish if him to start this so there's a nice tension for the whole Christmas break. At least I know why he purchased a new mattress for me. He can use the U-haul for that.
My blood pressure is up and
My blood pressure is up and my feelings are hurt because he obviously isn't listening to me. I've been probably to kind. I just can't understand why he can't do anything with his kids without me. I enjoy spending time with mine and think it's important to. I'm just really pissed that he pulled this on me me the 1st time I have gotten a break in over a month. Plus right before Christmas I have to address this. I think it is incredibly selfish if him to start this so there's a nice tension for the whole Christmas break. At least I know why he purchased a new mattress for me. He can use the U-haul for that.
Just say NO
If the kids show up, call the police and have them all removed from your house.
You can see this relationship is not going to work because of your BF. Time to rip off the bandaid
You tried having his kids
You tried having his kids live with you and it didn't work, but he decided without your input that they could move in again.. You told him you weren't going to his brother's party, and he ignored that. See the pattern? What you want and need is simply not important.
Your relationship is all about his comfort. I think it's time to make him very uncomfortable.
Your absolutely right. Wish I
Your absolutely right. Wish I could've avoided this til after Christmas but it absolutely needs to be addressed tonight. If he had any regard for my feelings or my thoughts he would've have sat me down and asked me. Especially after the holidays cause he knows how stressed I am. He knows my main concern right now is getting my kids back in school because they're so depressed. It's hard enough watching my own depressed every day but not all 4 of them anymore.
Does he pay court ordered
Does he pay court ordered child support to his ex?
Who owns the home OR whos name is on the rental agreement?
I have owned my home for 6
I have owned my home for 6 years now. He pays his child support for his kids. I have no problem what kind of time or $ he spends on his children. I pay my bills and support my children. I don't expect my bf to take us anywhere all though I usually include his kids on my vacas but not anymore cause they're never happy.
Everything that you wrote in
Everything that you wrote in your blog is what you tell him. Be honest and let him know this is not what you want.
I think you should dump him
I think you should dump him prior to Christmas so you can return his gifts. Take the money and get yourself a massage to de-stress from all his bullFUC|<ingSh!t
Ughhh....get rid of this
Ughhh....get rid of this creep ASAP!
This is your home and he DOES NOT get to tell you how things are going to be.
Where do these jerks get off trying to manipulate and guilt trip people into providing a comfortable environment for their lazy sad arses???
It's easy to see
How much you love your children. Protect them from any more exposure to crappy teens of your bf. What do your kids say about the first hellish incident. Please consider their feelings too...don't give him or his kids preference in YOUR kids' safe place n home or they might resent you. Do not sacrifice your relationship with your kids by giving his kids a room your kids could use for example.
That he ordered the uhaul already before talking to you shows his ignorance and disrespect for you. He us USING you cuz mommy won't let him see his brats at her place. Well he can see them at mc donalds. No. He wants YOUR home as a replacement place for his kids. No way in hell.
His attitude seems a little narcissistic. He obviously doesn't understand the hurt you felt the last time his kids werw there. No empathy for how you would feel AT ALL.
This isn't love. Love says wow my kids created chaos n hurt in your life AND your kids lives, I won't have them near you. Narcissism says, I think she forgot what my brats did to her n her kids, time to move them into MY posh new place. She owns the place and even tho I am tio ball less to get a place of my own, I can use this woman. Let my kids disrespect her n her kids n her things.
His attitude toward you will get worse. He is showing you how ENTITLED he feels to YOUR home.
Protect your children. Be momma bear for them if not yourself. Kick him to the curb
...claim covid or, I just don't have room for you, bf, and all your BAGGAGE
Your right on! My kids had
Your right on! My kids had really great attitudes and forgave me last time. I never want them to resent me! My place is the only place they've because their dad refuses to see them. I have enough on my plate. I thought he knew that. So I told him last night that I was really stressed and hurt how he told me he is moving his kids furniture in instead of asking me about it. I told him we've been down this road before and it didn't work. I reminded him that I told him that we need to finish raising our kids before we live together. I even told him last time he needed his own place because his kids deserve that. Of course he said we would talk more when he got home from work today. If he starts begging I got my mom on stand by and already told my daughter she can have the car tonight so the kids won't be home. We could never raise kids together. His kids are on their 2nd car and my daughter is working her butt off to buy a junker. I'm going to help her but she doesn't know that. I'm not in the position to pay extra bills for his kids anyways. Even if he offered me $2,000 a month I would tell him bye! Nothing is worth going through what those kids cause. He and his ex created the biggest entitlement I have ever seen in any child. They would take my stuff and not say a word to them. To top it off when I kicked them out what did dad do? He packed it up and left knowing it was mine. God forbid if he corrects his own children. I need peace in my life not drama about how his kids didn't get the $170 golf shirt they wanted. He'll never get his kids respect because he doesn't command it. I did find out through all the bs they created how empathetic my own were. They said that never complained because they just want me to be happy. I told them never keep your feelings in again because their opinion matter always.
I suggest that when he gets
I suggest that when he gets home tonight, you refuse to discuss he matter any further because NO! is your last word. And given how much he clearly disrespected you without feeling the slightest remorse (so this will happen again and again and again), I'd tell him to pack his things and leave.
When he turns up with the
When he turns up with the uhaul, just refuse to let him in. Change the locks NOW if you can.
I can't believe he came home
I can't believe he came home and told me he didn't mean he was moving them back in. I said bring there stuff to my place definitely means that. He said no I need to get it out of storage. I said for what it's not sitting down in one of the rooms to take up room. He said well I meant putting it downstairs so I can sell the sets. Bs! He's not going to sell anything.
He is probably blind sided right now. He thought he successfully manipulated me to bring his teens back. He's going to be really upset in a couple days. I know him. When it comes to his kids he'll do narcissistic things.
To be honest I don't want to be with him anymore. I don't trust him. I don't want to hear the stupid shit about his kids. Trying to tell me low profile tires don't cost more. I don't give a crap what the cost. I just told him I had them and they're dangerous in the snow. Of course I'm wrong the spoiled kid gets stuff he doesn't need and then I have to hear how broke bf is. I can't what til he pays his first rent and knows what it feels like to tell his sons no. I have to say no all the time but he doesn't because I pay for all bills. He has extra cause of me. I'm done! He payed a small repair bill for me but he won't throw anything my way for at least a year. Not even a small gift.
Have you kicked his sorry ass
Have you kicked his sorry ass out yet?
Not yet! I'm giving him 2
Not yet! I'm giving him 2 weeks cause his own mother won't let him come back. That's why he all of the sudden started staying here every night for the past month. He hasn't seen his own kids in that time because he claims all the restaurants are closed. So go to the mall and walk around. He thought he could make his problem my problem. I have enough of my own problems. Most men these days are looking for a hero which is just pathetic!
Hmm. His own mother doesn't
Hmm. His own mother doesn't want him in her house. That's a HUGE red flag.
Way too nice
You are being waaaaaaay too nice and forgiving... he will take full advantage.
And yes, apparently it does seem that "single" dads will look for a "Partner with a Purse", a "Nanny Friend with Benefits" simply because it makes THEIR lives better and easier. They will manipulate and love bomb the heck out of their intended victims, er, love interests...
No! Is a complete conversation.
Just tell him no and remind him that neither his kids nor there crap are welcome in your home, remind him of why, and refresh his memory if what happened last time he pushed things too far regarding himself and his kids in YOUR home.
Good luck.
After telling him on
After telling him on Christmas the kids and I weren't going to his brothers. He threw a fit and said I went to far blah, blah, blah. He grabbed his sons pic of of my dresser so I thought that meant he was moving out cause pic and clothes are only thing of his in here. No such luck he came back at 1am. He left all day Saturday but then text me that he bought coffee and cream. That just pissed me off more cause he has never. Then he came home went in my room and acted like he's waiting for an apology from me. I mean I did tell him to get his own apartment. Wow! He actually said I screwed him over once again. So he thinks I screwed him over when I kicked him and his brats out for disrespecting me.
I know he is probably trying to stay cause his son blew a head gasket on his Jeep. He knows it will be a costly repair. When it comes to his kids he'll walk right over people to get what the brats want. His son demanded his Jeep got fixed on Christmas day. Dad actually pulled his friend away from his house after he just got engaged just to diagnose the car. Nothing can be done til Monday anyway. Mind you this all happened after he told his son not to drive the car cause it had been acting up. The brat probably drove it all day while it was over heating. No punishment for him at all. Then come to find out the brat was driving with no insurance for the last 4 months. I told him you own a business and if his kid hits someone they will come after him and his ex. He said nope he doesn't live with me so they can't do anything to me. This kid will be an adult next year and was taught so far but any car you like and drive around with no insurance. It's ok to be 17 and drive around in a nicer car than mom and dad with low profile tires so you look like you got $ but your really trash!