I'm new here, this is my 1st post. Married 26 yrs, my 1st (no kids), his 2nd. SD#1 now 37, SD#2 now 35, SS now 33. His ex is not a nice person,always talked him down to the kids; when I came on the scene the bitterness got worse; she filled their heads with trash talk about us. We never spoke ill of her in their presence. Not perfect, we did our best to make sure they knew they were loved and valued. SD#2 has grown into a happy, stable adult; we have a healthy relationship with her. She also remains very close to her mom. SS & SD#1 have not fared as well. Sadly, SS turned to drugs, eventually landed himself in prison for a couple years, will be released in the spring, has an amazing 6yr old son who is in the care/custody of his 2nd wife (the boy's bio mom is also drug addicted, has no contact). We hope for the best but also live everyday with concern that we'll end up facing a decision about raising our grandson. SD#1 is a mess; pregnant at 18 she married, divorced and yet still finished college and became a teacher. She resented me for about 10 yrs but as she matured, began to realize truths about her mom and warmed to me. It was about this time we moved several states away and for the past 15 yrs see the kids/grands 3 or 4 time a yr. She was always very manipulative w/ DH, usually successful in getting her way. Things began to unravel with her when she met hubby #2--a very emotionally abusive man. No clue what attracted to her nor why she has stayed in the marriage so long (nearly 12 yrs). Though we tried to keep our comments about him neutral, she of course knew we were not fans--no one was or is--and in fact she didn't invite us to the wedding until 5 days before (we live across the country and didn't attend). They separate & reconcile regularly, this time have been apart a year and he's in another relationship. He refuses to pay any support, claiming he has the kids as much as she does (true); neither has filed for divorce. She is & always has been financially irresponsible; several yrs ago during one of her many separations she asked for $ and for the 1st time, DH declined. She went to mom and got $. Stopped hitting us up after that but began making snide comments to other family members that if we didn't spend so much on ourselves for vacations we could do more for our family. Our relationship with her has just been a roller coaster ride for years but it totally went off the rails about 15 months ago. DH was visiting (I wasn't along) and they got into a tiff I refer to as Pizza-gate. Essentially she ordered over $100 of pizza for a child's party (2 of the 7 pies were eaten) and just assumed since Dad was there, he'd pick up the tab. He did, but he also gave her a piece of his mind. Days later when he had returned home and called her to mend fences, she unloaded on him, screaming so loudly I could hear her from the other room. Since then, he's had no contact. She doesn't answer his calls, ignores my emails, we've tried through her sister to see the grands during our visits but she refuses. I invited her to a surprise part for his 60th, she didn't respond nor show. Once she sent me a hurtful message via Facebook, angry that we flew our grandson to visit us for a holiday but didn't offer the same to her kids (she won't speak to us, how exactly would we make such an offer?). Her relationships with her mom & sister are now very strained as well as everyone is exhausted with the drama she contniues to play out. So three days ago she called DH to ask him for money to get her car fixed. No apology, not a word about wanting to reconcile--just a request for cash. He told her he would need to give it some thought and get back to her. Although we hurt and are deeply pained by the chaos that is her life, we are both at our breaking point. I should also mention I battled breast cancer three years ago--we've been through quite a lot. Truth be told, I have found it far more peaceful not having her in my life this past year and unless/until she conquers some of her demons would prefer to leave it that way. Any input regarding how to handle this situation would be most appreciated.