This is more than a red flag...it's a great big red firey explosion. Their weekend away is a big wtf hell no. 

Time to move on to someone that is actually available for a relationship with YOU. Do NOT have a baby with this man. 

This is way beyond co-parenting! This is still being i a relationship. Leave him. You deserve someone who puts you first.

No....just NO! He is gaslighting you. Nothing about this is ok. Normally i would advise people to set boundaries but his treatment of you goes so far beyond ok that i think there is no hope of you and this guy having a normal relationship, and even if you do, once your eyes are opened to just how bad he has been treating you, i don't see how you could get past the resentment.

This is your life. You CAN come first! Even with a child, the child's *needs* come first. Food, clothing, shelter, health, education, and emotional security. NOT vacations with just mommy and daddy and baby and a fricking hot tub! Not the 3 of them spending hours (hours?!) per day together! Needs can be met by mom at mom's house and by dad at dad's house. Communication can be short, to the point, and involve logistics and planning only. I have coparented with boundaries for 10 years. I did not need my boyfriend to tell me to set boundaries with my ex because i set those boundaries. If i did not want the boundaries i would try to get back together with my ex.

Your BF has told you where you stand. Do not accept a life of scraps! I seriously wonder if he is living a double life or if he is just the world's worst boyfriend. RUN!!!

Get yourself immediately on birth control then get on a backup plan.. and back that up.  Do not have a baby with this man.  How on earth is he going to navigate his "primary family" and you and any new child? 

Coparenting does not mean spending hours together with your EX on a daily basis????? What the heck is he doing that for?  That is seriously messed up.

Coparenting does NOT mean joint birthday weekends in the woods (without you.. why couldn't his new partner be present... one that is so serious that he is thinking about having a child with that person???).

Co-parenting means generally that both adults have decided to try to work cooperatively to parent and raise their child.  They will mirror rules and expectations in each home (independently.. separately).  But it might mean that a "grounding" at one home can be continued at the other parent's home for example.

They will attend parent teacher conferences.. or discuss medical treatment options.. together.  

Now, they may even attend a birthday event at their Exes home.. but it would be a party setting.. with other guests. and CERTAINLY any new partners are welcome.

And.. you and he have the completely wrong idea about his child "always coming first"  NO.. to the HECK NO that is not right.

As his partner, you are a priority to him... you absolutely should come "first" at times.  Sure.. not all the time.. but his kid doesn't come first all the time either.  I mean.. kid wants chuckee cheese.. and you want to go to a less child centric place.  does his kid always get that pick?  What about riding shotgun in the car.. do you ride in the back (once the kid is legal in front seat)?  What if you and your BF have plans to go to a business dinner for you.. but his kid doesn't want to stay with the babysitter... does he get to ditch you?

Don't get me wrong.  His child is his number one obligation when they are a minor.  He created that life.. and is obligated to ensure that his needs are met.. and that he is raised properly.  But... number one priority?  You have a close family member pass ... does going to watch his kid's Tball practice get a higher priority over supporting you at your loved one's funeral???

This man is way to enmeshed with his EX.  If they are getting along so well... they should really try to get back together "for the number one priority" sake.. their child.

I couldn't even finish reading the entire post, I had to run to the comments no way is this ok! I feel awful that you would even consider this. They do not only not have to go on trips like this together they don't need to spend hours a week together. If he can't see this is not acceptable you have got to run not walk! 

 I know that most days he will be with his ex and their child for many hours.

However, this past week was the child's birthday and they (not sure whose idea it was) had decided to go rent a cabin out into the wilderness together...with a hot tub...just the three of them for two nights and three days.

I'm sorry, what? Surely, I have had too much wine and read that wrong.

Honey, that's not co-parenting.

He needs to remain single, and you need to bolt. And for God's sake, don't get pregnant by this jerk.

Please don't get pregnant with this guy. Even the most secure woman would not be okay with her BF spending a weekend at a cottage with a hot tub, with his ex.  That's not about his child, at all, it only serves to confuse the child.

Please get out NOW. This same exact thing happened to me. A BF of mine was going on trips with his ex and their child. Spoiler alert: He cheated on me with his ex and slept with her multiple times during our relationship. I'm not saying this is happening here, but he is at minimum still emotionally attached to her and is manipulating you into believing there's something wrong with you for calling out his obviously inappropriate behavior. Don't let him gaslight you. Gosh reading this made me so mad on your behalf, lol!

Also, more thoughts - the fact that he'd call you insecure and told you that this would be a dealbreaker for him? This guy is a grade A a**hole. That is the same exact stuff I heard from my exBF too. Guys like this just want to have their cake and eat it too. Well guess what? You're worth a heck of a lot more than that! He needs to take his selfish and sorry a** out of the dating market. I'm so, so sorry this happened to you.

Thank your lucky stars that you didn't get pregnant.  Gaslighting is the right word.  He is trying to convince you that something is right when it is very wrong.  The ex is controlling him, and he is letting her.  I guarantee you that they have some type of physical/emotional relationship going.  No one goes on vacation together to a cabin in the woods like that.  It is ludicrous.  Value yourself - cut him loose.  If he had balls, he would get a parenting plan and see his kid out from under the eye of his ex.  The problem is that she is not really his ex.

When he said “co-parenting” he really meant “open relationship”. Then he gets upset at you when you had a problem with co-parenting when you really had a problem being the spare wheel in an open relationship. 

What you have described is not normal co-parenting by any stretch of the imagination. My DH has a great co-parenting relationship with BM. They see each other in passing maybe once or twice a month and text once or twice a week at most, all skid and mostly logistics related.  If he had the contact with BM that your boyfriend has with his ex, I'd be long gone.

He is still having a relationship with the ex and you.  If you want to stay then. No vacation together. No spraying at her house.  He drops off child and picks up. With no contact with the ex.   Vacations are you him and child

onky communication between the two of them is email what he saves , or it's goes to your phone also. 

I believe he is not going to cut contact with the ex.  So you better start getting an exit plan in place . Start saving money in your own account. Start looking for a place to live.  You are not the first being in this type of relationship.  I could never do it. Personally.  Once they break up, there are broken up.  Only have contact that is a must. 
with the number of divorce people with kids. Most places understand. Like schools, 

Regardless of kid biology.

The death knell of any marriage is putting kids, or anything or anyone else, above the adult relationship and the partners in that relationship.

Kids are the top relationship responsibility, but not the top priority.

Coparenting joint presence, IMO:

Necessary: ER visits, meetings regarding serious health or behavioral issues.

Fine: Parent-teacher meetings, neutral-location birthday parties and graduations (only with other SOs, family, friends), civil interaction but separate seating at kid spectator events.

Ok IF both parents are sane and have moved on: birthday parties and graduations at each others' homes (with other family, friends, SOs), occasional joint seating at kid events IF not alone.

Everything else: no.

This story sounds familiar. Back when my husband and BM were younger (and I was not on the scene) my husband was living with another woman in a neighboring city and would then go and visit BM on weekends to "see his daugther". He was sleeping with them both. Bm knew (according to my husband) but was ok with it because it felt exciting....The other woman did not know what was going on. Fortunately for me my husband has matured a lot since those days. 

Make sure you get a full sexual health screen and use barrier protection if you do have sex with him again.

Do NOT fall for this - leave him! And please, do not have this man's baby. He should in NO WAY shape or form, be "hanging out" with BM. No reason for him to even step foot in her house. He gets HIS custody time and she gets hers. It is SEPARATE. The only thing they should be doing together is making decisions. This can be done via email, text, calls, etc. NO NEED to do in person. It should strictly be about, school, health, or the general well-being of the child. He is totally trying to pull a fast one on you. RUN. 

The reasons this man would legally not be able to see his child without supervision would be if he was a potential threat to the child's wellbeing. It would have to be something pretty bad to have that as a legal requirement. Even then it is usual that a third party (not the other parent) would do the supervising and unless things were super super bad there would often be a plan to work towards him having un-supervised visits with his child. 

Now if by saying that he cannot see his kid without the mother being present he really means that he hasn't established any parental rights through the court or established a formal custody agreement then that just adds further proof to the fact that this man has no interest in moving on from his ex. He is happy to run to her beck and call with no plans for fully moving on from his relationship or fully committing to being a divorced father. He wants to play happy families while getting to bed whomever he wants. 

He is sleeping with her in a relationship with her and you are the side peice sorry but that's the truth they are a family if she was truly an ex he was co parenting with they would not spend hours together or go on vacations alone no matter how young the child is 

This post is a few months old but someone just brought it to the front... I am hoping by now you have packed your bags and your vacationing by yourself somewhere!!!  

Almost everything you said was a red flag and this guy knows it too!!  No one co-parents like this.  

He told you, you would never be first, he also told you that his ex is before you too.  He mentions that if YOU can't accept it, it is a deal breaker.  This should all be a deal breaker for you!!  I am sorry very sorry but his man is playing you.  Please do not tie yourself to this situation by having a baby with him!!!